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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

241 replies

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 13/08/2023 23:38

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

OP posts:

readingismycardio · 14/08/2023 04:41

You're not the one with the anti social schedule. he is!!! This is his problem, not yours.

forgetmenottt · 14/08/2023 04:48

How old is the flat? Is it just you and him or do you have other neighbours?

user1492757084 · 14/08/2023 04:56

I agree that you are reasonable and your neighbour needs to use ear plugs.

If you are threatened with having to move you could always invest in a small work pod - a manufactured sound proof, glassed in tiny wooden room with a table and power sockets.
One benefit is that you only have to heat and cool that little chamber for the day's work too.

Badgerstmary · 14/08/2023 05:06

Realistically op I think you are treating your neighbour more as a controlling partner than a neighbour. You should be able to do your washing & vacuuming, & live a normal life & not be controlled by a neighbour who chooses to work unsociable hrs. He should be wearing earplugs & if he can’t cope living there, he needs to move or change jobs. He should be grateful to you, not complaining.

forgetmenottt · 14/08/2023 05:06

I really think he can't hear you

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/08/2023 05:07

You've already gone too far IMO and I say this as someone who WFH, but works late/stays up late/sleeps late. I finish work at 10, I rarely go to bed before 6am and so sleep til 11 or 12 (sometimes I do a super late and finish work at 2am or even 6am!).

People who choose to work nights or live a more nocturnal lifestyle have to suck it up, the rest of the world, the majority of the world does not run to those hours. You learn to sleep through noise - I can kip through most things except loud building work/lawnmowers outside my window!

Start pulling back on some of the OTT things you're doing - he doesn't appreciate the efforts you're already making. Hoover at a normal time of day, take calls where its comfy for you to do that, listen to the bloody radio or music if you want, its your home, you're meant to be able to enjoy it!

He has already burned his bridges by complaining about stuff that is perfectly reasonable. If he continues to try that and tries making malicious complaints again, he is going to find no one listens and if he really persists he is possibly going to get himself evicted!

I think trying to avoid falling out with this guy is a ship that sailed long ago, you were NEVER going to avoid that, because his demands are not reasonable and no matter what you did, it would not be enough.

jellybe · 14/08/2023 05:19

I work nights and though it is annoying to be woken by the neighbours on a sleep day I know that it isn't OTT noise it is just normal life and that I need to suck it up and sort it my end to help me sleep rather than blaming them for living in their house. (We live in a semi).
Honestly, ignore him. It isn't your problem you are being as considerate as you can but at the end of the day you are allowed to live in your home and make noise.

Codlingmoths · 14/08/2023 05:24

You have done more to accomodate him than I would have if it were my own Dh working nights. I’d have told my Dh well if i can’t run the washing machine then we won’t have any clean washing so you can either let me get on with it or take over doing all the washing. I’ve worked nights. My bedroom was next to the laundry and I can guarantee you nobody adjusted anything about their schedule to accomodate me. If he comes around again tell him you are going to complain about being harassed if he knocks on your door one more time to complain about the noise, which has been assessed as normal everyday life, and the only thing he has accomplished is make you truly regret making the efforts you have to be quiet during the day.

truthhurts23 · 14/08/2023 05:28

he needs to shut the fuck up

mafsfan · 14/08/2023 05:39

You need to toughen up OP.

All the noise has been described as normal household noise - if two adults lived there they would be talking so no difference to your work calls.

Time to stop living by his rules. Tell him you will no longer answer the door when you're working - he needs to respect your work as you have been respecting his working patterns. Keep a log if his harassment of you and take it to the HA if you need to. You're allowed to use your washing machine during the day if you want to!

Misty84 · 14/08/2023 05:58

Symphony830 · 14/08/2023 00:09

I am totally dumbfounded that you have rearranged your working life and normal activities to accommodate this individual - a man that lives downstairs and works unsociable hours.

I’d start making a log of when he knocks on your door and present it to the Housing Association as harassment.

He is the problem!!!!

This!!!

tabulahrasa · 14/08/2023 06:04

I don’t believe he can hear you typing... I have perfectly normal hearing and I can’t hear it from the next room of my house if the door is shut, I absolutely definitely don’t hear it from upstairs when I’m downstairs.

He is just harassing you at this point

sashh · 14/08/2023 06:34

In your place I'd probably learn to tap dance. While using the washer and vacuum.

It's his problem, he can move or buy ear plugs.

MintJulia · 14/08/2023 06:40

Your neighbour is being absurd. You are entitled to 'normal enjoyment' of your home and that includes talking on the phone.

Normal life goes on in daylight, and he needs to accept that other people are active during the day. If he wants total silence he needs to find a detached property in the middle of nowhere.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 14/08/2023 06:44

you sound like a very reasonable, considerate and lovely neighbour.

there is nothing else you can or should do.

Ignore the neighbour.
his behaviour actually seems on the verge of being harassing. I would keep that in mind going forward.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 14/08/2023 06:47

tabulahrasa · 14/08/2023 06:04

He is just harassing you at this point

We have terribly thin walls in the office. I can definitely hear the person next to me typing. Typing, talking, opening a particularly loud can / fizzy drink.

but that shouldn’t be the case in a regular office.
and it certainly shouldn’t be the case across floors / between apartments.

the neighbour is either overly sensitive (and / or lying). Or it’s a case of absolutely abysmal noise isolation. Either way: not the OP’s problem.

Zanatdy · 14/08/2023 06:50

he can hear you typing?! He needs to get decent ear plugs. At the end of the day you’d be entitled to play music quite loud if you wanted, you’re being as considerate as you can and it’s tough on him. Just carry on as he can’t do anything about it, if he comes complaining ask him how you’re supposed to live silently when you’re working (and can’t work at the office, and why should you anyway). He can play white noise, background noises ear plugs.

babblingbumblingbandofbaboons · 14/08/2023 06:53

Your neighbour is definitely being unreasonable. I WFH making and taking calls, typing up reports etc. with a partner who works nightshift sleeping in the same flat. I have a headset for calls and make sure the doors between me and him are closed. I have at least 3 colleagues have the same home set up.

My other half manages to sleep perfectly well (as well as you can sleeping during the day) despite me on calls, general household noise and neighbours going about their business cutting grass, washing cars, DIY etc.

You’ve honestly done more than I have to keep noise to a minimum. Tell your neighbour that you’ve done all you can, you cannot work elsewhere and you are aware that the complaint ended with normal household noise so will not be taken any further. You’ll continue to keep it down but don’t want to hear about it any more, it’s over to him to sort a solution to HIS problem.

Beseen22 · 14/08/2023 07:01

He's harassing you. You should be able to out washing on, hoover, take calls and watch TV to your hearts content in your own house. Your children should not be afraid to play in their own house. Please don't feel sorry for this innocent man about how you are afflicting him with sleep problems. He has complained to your HA multiple times for the sound of your typing. I mean there is no way for you to reduce that so in reality he was trying to get you and your children evicted. Get more angry and stop apologising to him for reasonable household noise. You have been inspected and have the backing of your HA. Start complaining to them that he is harassing you.

And I say that as a disgustingly light sleeper who also works nightshift. Sleeping between shifts becomes an obsession and I only ever sleep to 11.30 even if conditions are perfect. I have blackout curtains, an eyemask, white noise, take sleeping tablets. But I certainly wouldn't take that out on my family or my neighbours. When my MIL stays she tries to get the kids to keep quiet after my nights but it winds me up because I don't want the whole world to pander to me, they should be able to have enjoyment in their own home.

MeadAndPie · 14/08/2023 07:09

I’d start making a log of when he knocks on your door and present it to the Housing Association as harassment.

This - his complaints have been looked into and found to be normal noise - him continuing to bother you about it does mean it's starting to be harassment.

asosStalker · 14/08/2023 07:10

If he’s that much of a light sleeper, he needs to change shift patterns or career.

Gh12345 · 14/08/2023 07:13

Do not change anything. He’s being the wan ker

Gh12345 · 14/08/2023 07:13

Yes agree with other posters. You need to keep a log of how much he disturbs you

Fruby · 14/08/2023 07:17

He’s being completely unreasonable.

Is he threatening, or does he scare you at all?

Keep a log of his complaints & keep the housing association updated.

Boymum2104 · 14/08/2023 07:18

Sounds like he needs to live in a detached home if he wants to be undisturbed. I live in a ground floor flat and the guy above me is allowed to play a blooming drum kit waking my baby up but hey that's life of living in a flat lol

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