Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

[WFHWithNightsNeighbour]

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

Your neighbour chooses to work night, his problem not yours. Let him deal with the everyday noise, ok don't hoover but as to everything else just do it. You are taking way too much responsibility for that mans comfort. Why do his wishes trump your lifestyle ?

There isn't really anything else you can do OP. Is he aware of how considerate you are being and that you are going out of your way not to disturb him? If not, I would tell him. Likewise, there is nothing more he can do within reason. He obviously doesn't realise how lucky he is having a neighbour like you

You haven't done anything wrong. It's his problem for working nights. My husband works shifts, and he expects daytime noise. You shouldn't be doing your washing at night or working more in the office, you should be carrying on as normal. If he doesn't like it, he can move.

You have been far more considerate than most people would be. He can hear you typing through his ceiling?? Unless you type using a hammer, I seriously doubt that. It's miserable having someone noisy upstairs (I'm convinced my last upstairs neighbours rearranged all their furniture every night at midnight, or maybe they'd installed a bowling alley) but it sounds like you can't do any more to accommodate him.

As others have said, this is his problem to solve. He needs a decent pair of earplugs or noise cancelling headphones. Sleep apps are a godsend; playing brown noise through an app on my phone masks a lot of neighbour noise. He can move his bed to another room or speak to the LL/HA about better noise insulation. Or he can move, preferably to the moon.

He is asking for too much.

It sounds like you are quite considerate anyway. This is your neighbours problem. In the same way that people without driveways will have to accept that they can't always park outside their house, people living in flats need to accept there will be noise. If he is una le to sleep though it he needs to rethink his career or accommodation choices.

There is an app, it's actually called The Noise App, it might be worth suggesting to your HA that they use it.

On the app yuo make a recording, it automatically records the time and you enter what the noise is. My council had me use this when one of the neighbours was playing music so loud I had to turn the TV up to hear it. I had windows and doors closed but it allowed the council to hear the noise even though it was a weekend.

Is yor neighbour on the ground floor? I wonder if it is something else waking him and he assumes it is you?

YANBU!

He sounds like a nightmare and you've done everything you can to accommodate. He's just going to have to suck it up. I would avoid any contact with him if possible.

If he knocks again, I would ask him to not disturb you again. Get a ring doorbell/camera and monitor him if he does continue. I would just not answer if I see him standing at the door. If he doesn't stop I would reach out the local services (not sure who that would be off the top of my head) to report him for harassment. Obviously, reporting him is last case scenario. But his behaviour is odd and extremely unfair.

That's a really good point. If OP left the flat, the household replacing her could very easily contain more people who were there much more than she and DS are. This could actually be much worse for the neighbour.

I will bet the contents of my house that this guy would not be ringing you or knocking on your door like this if you were a man or lived with a man.

Horrible, bullying cunt.

There is no way in earth that I would be curtailing normal daytime activities e.g running a washing machine or watching TV etc to accommodate this prick. But then I'm spiteful like that. Let him call the police. You have gone above and beyond to try and accommodate him but he's not grateful so enough is enough. Time to withdraw your goodwill. I certainly wouldn't be tiptoeing around my own house.

I spent years doing nights. You either built up an internal tolerance to be able to sleep through noise or you use earplugs/white noise machines. Ultimately if you can't hack it, you do another job.

you need to just stop facilitating this man

i had this problem with previous neighbours - i eventually had to just cut communication - i told him to stop knocking on my door as it was becoming harassment - i stopped saying hello in the hall or if i saw him and blocked his number.

it was a shame as it got awkward and i hated the possibility of running into hi in the hall.

leave him complain with the council over and over if he likes - they already told him its normal household noise.

This!

Your neighbour is being totally U expecting everyone else to change their lives to suit him.

He needs to move and go and live in a house in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours.

I am so noise sensitive (to music and loud voices) but ordinary household noise doesn't bother me. We all make some noise, we have to in order to live.

You have done everything possible to quieten the noise you do make. He needs to wear ear plugs.

Start listing every time he complains to you so you can show it to the housing association.

"Right, I have listened to your complaints and am bending over backwards to adjust my life to minimise disruption to yours, but I cannot do any more so stop asking. If you push me on this, I will stop all the current accomodations and start living normally again - which will result in much more every day noise. I suggest you be grateful for what I have done so far and leave it be."

YA definitely NBU!

I bet you’re being too quiet so when you do make an occasional (normal) sound he hears it. You shouldn't be avoiding using your washing machine or working round his schedule. He is clearly very noise sensitive and is never going to change or be happy in this environment.

You don’t need to do anything. You’ve done way more than is expected.

I would tell him not to contact you again and file compliants with HA (&if it escalated the police) for harassment. He is breeching hos tenancy. The fact he filed a spurious noise compliant against you is evidence of the harassment.

Fucking disgraceful the HA are telling you to go into the office more
If this was the other way around i can guarantee they wouldn't be asking a man to accomodate a woman.

Its his problem. He needs earplugs and white noise. Maybe even a new job or flat. You hold meeting wherever you want and stop tiptoeing around.

Its insane that you are considering moving and incurring court costs you cant afford because this tosser thinks the world should revolve around him.

Shove a bag of earplugs through his door with a note stating.
”These are the allowances I make for you. (Expand on my list and elaborate)
Washing machine, keeping kids quiet, paying to travel into the office when I can get a desk, thick carpets, rugs, no music, etc…
My kids and I have a right to a peaceful enjoyment of our home. If you do not immediately cease your vexatious complaints, I will count this as harrassment and follow through. I understand that you work nights. You need to accept that most of the world does not and make your own accommodations for your sleep pattern. (Ear plugs, sound proofing, moving to a detached property) I hope you find these earplugs a helpful start until you can make better provisions for yourself.

I'm also a night shift worker. Other people do not nor should they have to make allowances for that.
I wear an eye mask & run a fan, the white noise means I don't hear anything else.
Go about your day as normal, this is not your issue, put music on, run your washing machine.

I wish my neighbour was as considerate as you OP!

I worked nights for years and it is for him to sort out. I had builders in and still managed to sleep, having found really good ear plugs and also being dog tired, so he is being very unreasonable.
Carry on living your life as you and your family are.

You’re being more than reasonable, y’know, quietly existing in your own home ffs!! He needs to get a grip. Working nights and sleeping during the day when everyone is up and about isn’t that easy for anyone but that’s what ear plugs/white noise/whale sounds are for!

@forgetmenottt Built roughly the early 70s, older than both me and my neighbour certainly (I'm early 30s I'd guess he's the same)

There's 6 flats, 2 per floor and 1 each side of the building per floor. I'm top floor he's middle, not sure if he complains about the bottom floor.

Other side there's only 1 occupied which is on his floor.

I do hear the other flats sometimes; a toilet flushing, or music or similar but I never ever complain as it's just part of living in a flat.

You’ve done a hell of a lot more than I would do, OP. And that’s coming from someone who works nights. I wouldn’t have even gone in the office and extra day.
you are being completely reasonable. It’s him that needs to find solutions. I can’t believe you’ve contemplated moving! Tell him to get lost.

I worked night shifts for 8 years. Not once did I expect other people to change their normal, every day lives to suit mine. Only once did I shout at some lads in the street but that was because they were tinkering with their cars and music blaring to unacceptable standards, but that was affecting all the neighbours, not just me. You need to stop accommodating this man now otherwise he will take it further and further. In fact, if he carries on like this it should be YOU complaining about HIM to the HA. Sounds like he can't adjust to nightshifts, so he needs to find the solution, not you.

If he keeps knocking or sending in complaints I'd counter-complain about harassment.

You've done more than enough. This is his problem. Keep a note of every time he knocks at your door and what you were doing and what his complaint is. If it continues contact your landlord about the harassment you are being subjected to by him.