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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this

190 replies

Tillie84 · 12/08/2023 22:14

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH.
I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?”
DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”.
I said “wrong answer”
DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed”
I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me.
AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :(
or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

OP posts:
JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 12/08/2023 22:16

You're being daft. Wouldn't we all like to look like someone else? I wish I was tall, slim, young and gorgeous but I'm not even one of those things. What did you expect him to say? He might wish he looked like Brad Pitt or someone, but so what? It doesn't mean anything.

Whataretheodds · 12/08/2023 22:18

What did you want him to say?

You didn't ask him if you looked OK. You said you'd like to look like Eva Green and he didn't say anything. You then prodded him and he went along with what you suggested.

Stop playing games.

WontYouRideMyWhiteHorse · 12/08/2023 22:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Janieforever · 12/08/2023 22:20

Look if you want a compliment just ask straight out. Doing daft fishing for one like this and then picking a fight is just very immature and annoying. I think you owe him an apology. No one needs to sit there and be subjected to these mind games/

TVstolemyevenings · 12/08/2023 22:20

You goaded him with a silly comment. He wasn’t ever going to win that.

I’m sorry you have been feeling so low. Anxiety is the pits. You won’t find help by engineering traps for people to say things. Have you got some other support eg therapy?

Asterales · 12/08/2023 22:20

You created the situation and blamed him for it. I'm sorry you're not feeling great atm but he hasn't done anything wrong here.

fifteenfifty · 12/08/2023 22:21

His first response was to say nothing so you repeated a pretty annoying remark to force an answer. I would feel really annoyed if someone flounced off after doing that.
Sorry to hear you're feeling low self-esteem but this wasn't a good way to check in with him that he still finds you attractive. He was set up to fail on this one.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/08/2023 22:21

You know you were being silly, you played a daft game and everyone lost.

He hasn’t done anything wrong and you’re creating unnecessary drama. Apologise, give him a hug, go to sleep in harmony.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 12/08/2023 22:21

Uh huh. You sound like the sort where if he said "No, I prefer you as you are" you'd have accused him of lying.

Greenberg2 · 12/08/2023 22:21

I hate these kind of conversations. It's so manipulative. If you're worried about your weight and you want some reassurance, ask him. If you play stupid games then you're likely to get hurt and you can't blame him.

Hyppogriff · 12/08/2023 22:21

You set a trap for the guy - childish game playing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/08/2023 22:21

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 12/08/2023 22:21

Uh huh. You sound like the sort where if he said "No, I prefer you as you are" you'd have accused him of lying.

That too.

Saschka · 12/08/2023 22:22

am I being stupid/over reacting etc??

Yep, you are.

pictoosh · 12/08/2023 22:22

Nothing like a silent test that you don't know you're sitting. It's very difficult to pass those.

CandyflossKaren · 12/08/2023 22:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This!!

cheddercherry · 12/08/2023 22:23

As gently as possible, he didn’t answer the first time because he clearly thought it was a trap no matter what he said. And it was.

If he’d have said you looked fine as you were no doubt you’d have been like “don’t be ridiculous etc”. He couldn’t really win because if you’re upset about yourself then he probably feels like he you won’t believe him anyway. I’m sure if you had talked openly to him about your feelings directly he might have felt more able to support you? Hopefully you can still have a proper chat about what’s going on x

StSwithinsDay · 12/08/2023 22:23

am I being stupid/over reacting etc??

Yes. Go and apologise to him.

Newjobformoremoney · 12/08/2023 22:23

yeah, that’s not really fair is it. There is no right answer he could have given.

neilyoungismyhero · 12/08/2023 22:24

You practically set him up to fail poor bloke.

Thesearmsofmine · 12/08/2023 22:26

You are BU. You were clearly after some kind of reaction from him given that you repeated it so he would respond when he had previously(wisely) said nothing.

Azandme · 12/08/2023 22:28

Poor bloke.

You're upstairs stropping about a situation YOU created.

Go apologise.

Laserbird16 · 12/08/2023 22:29

You engineered that argument. Go apologise. Then examine why you did it. It sucks not liking your appearance but you're not going to feel any better by starting fights with people who love you. Your more than just the number in your dress or on the scales.

lunar1 · 12/08/2023 22:29

Go see your husband and apologise to him.

Loopylune · 12/08/2023 22:29

Well he should really have known better but their fact he’s not bothered coming to see you sounds like maybe he’s fed up with it all? I mean if you say a lot of stuff like that it’s going to wear thin he’s probably thinking for gods sake why can’t she just be happy with herself? He obviously loves you and wants to be with you for who you are not because you look like Eva Green.

I only say this because I’m totally the type of person to be disparaging about myself and I think it is annoying to people so I try not to these days!

Caprisunny · 12/08/2023 22:30

Jesus wept. I think this sort of behaviour verges on abusive.

He didn’t reply and you pushed it anyway. So he had to reply and if he would have said ‘you look great as you. You don’t need to look like Eva Green. You are more beautiful’ you would have called him a liar because you don’t think that true.

Setting up a situation and asking someone a question where you no answer will be right, is abusive. It’s setting someone up to fail, so you can then take the role as the victim.

I wouldn’t follow you up either. Anxiety isn’t an excuse to engineer an argument with your husband.