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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this

190 replies

Tillie84 · 12/08/2023 22:14

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH.
I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?”
DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”.
I said “wrong answer”
DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed”
I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me.
AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :(
or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

OP posts:
Ducklake · 13/08/2023 00:21

Hope you’re able to sort it out and get the answers you need OP, good luck.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 00:35

Ducklake · 13/08/2023 00:21

Hope you’re able to sort it out and get the answers you need OP, good luck.

Thanks. Will try to have a proper discussion tomorrow and not like tonight

OP posts:
Wonderering · 13/08/2023 00:40

You're projecting your insecurities onto your husband. Just because you feel unhappy with how you look, doesn't mean he feels unhappy with how you look. You wanted him to say he'd prefer you looked like Eva Green, so that you could validate your insecurities. Be kinder to yourself and also maybe apologise to your husband (he doesn't know what goes on in your head).

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2023 00:41

You set a trap for him and are punishing him for answering honestly. Who wouldn't like to look like Eva Green? I'm sure just about all of us and our husbands would love that...hardly headline news. You should apologize and admit you acted childishly

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2023 00:42

Sorry, I should have read the full thread - I see you get it already

Pasithean · 13/08/2023 00:42

You deserved that.

KeepingKeepingOn · 13/08/2023 00:46

Jesus Christ, if you can’t be arsed to read the whole thread, at least read the OP’s replies 🙄

hope you’re ok OP; and hope you manage to have the conversation with DH and resolve the underlying issues 💐

CallieQ · 13/08/2023 00:49

Tillie84 · 12/08/2023 22:14

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH.
I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?”
DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”.
I said “wrong answer”
DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed”
I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me.
AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :(
or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

You are way overreacting

First world problems

CallieQ · 13/08/2023 00:49

Tbh rather childish too

feliciabirthgiver · 13/08/2023 01:02

Utterly ridiculous, give the poor bloke a chance (said by someone who has a picture of Daniel Craig coming out of the sea in his blue shorts on my desk and STILL thinks my DH is the bees knees).

cariadlet · 13/08/2023 03:06

I wish more posters would RTFT.

This is one of the most gracious posters I've ever come across.

Yes, she screwed up tonight. Yes, she asked a stupid question that the poor bloke couldn't win but it only took about a dozen replies for her to realise that and admit that she'd gone about things the wrong way.

So many replies after that still having a go at her and the OP is still politely telling them that she realises she shouldn't have behaved the way that she did instead of telling them where to go.

OP, if anyone else decides to criticise you because they have only read the first few posts, I recommend either ignoring them or telling them to RTFT. You don't need to keep apologising.

Instead, engage with the posters who are recognising the bigger picture and offering positive, helpful suggestions.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/08/2023 07:59

Good luck with your chat later. Hope things start ti feel better 💐

Buildingthefuture · 13/08/2023 08:08

Initially I would have said you were being unreasonable, but the fact that he hasn’t wanted to be intimate in 2 years and also refuses to discuss it, makes me think differently. Of course in that situation you would feel insecure. You def do need to discuss it and I hope it goes well for you. I would also stop “pleasuring” him, if he will do nothing in return, because that will just make you feel worse.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 08:12

Buildingthefuture · 13/08/2023 08:08

Initially I would have said you were being unreasonable, but the fact that he hasn’t wanted to be intimate in 2 years and also refuses to discuss it, makes me think differently. Of course in that situation you would feel insecure. You def do need to discuss it and I hope it goes well for you. I would also stop “pleasuring” him, if he will do nothing in return, because that will just make you feel worse.

I think you misread? It’s not he refuses to discuss it, it’s she’s scared to ask.

Cas112 · 13/08/2023 08:13

Sorry but why ask that question. Your being absolutely ridiculous!

PuddlesPityParty · 13/08/2023 08:14

Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 00:06

I have agreed with other posters too. I have said I realised my behaviour wasn’t right tonight which I realised because of everyone on here tonight

Show quote history

And what have you done about it?

Peony654 · 13/08/2023 08:16

YABVU. What did you expect him to say, poor bloke. Hope you’ve apologised to him

QueefQueen80s · 13/08/2023 08:41

Surprised at these answers. He should have said something like "as if, I'd rather have you" or "nah you're gorgeous"
It doesn't sound like he's very into you OP, along with the intimacy stuff.
Don't settle for this.. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel attractive.

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 13/08/2023 08:43

This is one of the most gracious posters I've ever come across.

yes to this it’s clear some people haven’t even read ops replies.

I hope your chat goes ok later. It’s never easy initiating a conversation like that. Good luck x

ballsdeep · 13/08/2023 08:52

Your poor husband!! Don’t ask stupid questions if you want a sensible answer. You not only asked once but you then prodded him for more!

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:05

Wonderering · 13/08/2023 00:40

You're projecting your insecurities onto your husband. Just because you feel unhappy with how you look, doesn't mean he feels unhappy with how you look. You wanted him to say he'd prefer you looked like Eva Green, so that you could validate your insecurities. Be kinder to yourself and also maybe apologise to your husband (he doesn't know what goes on in your head).

That is a good point that he may not see me the way I see me. I guess I was fishing for a compliment as it’s been a while. And I went about it that wrong way.

he’s been going to the gym a lot so he likes to talk about that. I pay him lots of compliments how I can tell by his physique how he’d he is training and that he looks great etc. he doesn’t acknowledge my compliments but will tell me how other people noticed how much he is changing. His size is the same but he is more toned. He also tells me about other people are surprised how much he can do at the gym. He is very proud of his training and I tell him I am proud too.
I think I need to start doing something to make him proud because I don’t think I’m that good at anything these days -but as you pointed out that is maybe that is my insecurities coming out

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:05

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2023 00:42

Sorry, I should have read the full thread - I see you get it already

Thank you

OP posts:
Ghan · 13/08/2023 09:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:11

cariadlet · 13/08/2023 03:06

I wish more posters would RTFT.

This is one of the most gracious posters I've ever come across.

Yes, she screwed up tonight. Yes, she asked a stupid question that the poor bloke couldn't win but it only took about a dozen replies for her to realise that and admit that she'd gone about things the wrong way.

So many replies after that still having a go at her and the OP is still politely telling them that she realises she shouldn't have behaved the way that she did instead of telling them where to go.

OP, if anyone else decides to criticise you because they have only read the first few posts, I recommend either ignoring them or telling them to RTFT. You don't need to keep apologising.

Instead, engage with the posters who are recognising the bigger picture and offering positive, helpful suggestions.

Thank you.
i have tried to acknowledge everyone as you say and admit my actions were wrong last night.
i am not feeling great about it all today.
I know I need to have a different kind of discussion which I am avoiding because on the surface everything else seems fine… so I guess I don’t want to rock the boat.

i am really not good at initiating more serious conversations… I tried in the past but it either doesn’t make a difference or ends up coming out wrong and I just feel like crying all the time.

i feel like whatever I say will make things worse.

OP posts:
blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 09:17

I would feel so demeaned if my DH didn't want to be intimate with me for 2 years but would occasionally allow me to suck him off. It would make me feel so used and cheap. Sorry, OP.