Page 6 | To be upset about this

Tillie84 · 2023-08-12T21:14:17+00:00

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH. I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?” DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”. I said “wrong answer” DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed” I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me. AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :( or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

redfacebigdisgrace · 13/08/2023 10:24

Poor guy. It’s like a trap you set and he fell right in. Stop playing silly games.

DarkForces · 13/08/2023 10:28

I really think you need an honest conversation with him about how you're feeling and your communication patterns. You also need to look at how you talk to yourself. I'd really recommend looking into how to build more positive communication where you build yourself and each other up.

Please don't give him blow jobs if it's not giving you any pleasure. I think couple's counselling might be a good idea if you struggle to discuss sex generally.

Whatever you decide, be nicer to yourself. Yes, you messed up a bit last night but it's not really a big deal. Learn from it, move on. You've apologised enough.

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 13/08/2023 10:44

Also I would just ignore the pp who haven’t bothered to even read your updates.

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 11:06

Fruitynutcase · 13/08/2023 10:23

Grow up .

RTFT

Cupcakekiller · 13/08/2023 11:33

I wish people would read OP updates when coming to a thread with many replies.

Gnomegnomegnome · 13/08/2023 11:47

Op, you’ve been so lovely on this thread, very gracious but your lack of self esteem is glaringly obvious with each post.
I think that you need to concentrate on your confidence and self esteem before you approach your relationship difficulties.

rockpoolingtogether · 13/08/2023 13:20

You sound hard work. You were fishing for a compliment. He did nothing wrong. You really shouldn't have said anything about looking like eva green!

Blueuggboots · 13/08/2023 13:27

That's a "does my bum look big in this?" question.

SunsetOverParadise · 13/08/2023 14:37

Hey OP.

I’m sorry about some of the horrible comments you’re getting here. People are ridiculous if they can’t see that there’s deeper issues here - even if they haven’t read the whole thread.

A few things you’re saying about your partner are ringing alarm bells for me. Is he diagnosed with ADHD? I know it’s very easy to jump to things like this but I see some similarities in how you describe him and my OH, and I can see parallels in how you feel about yourself.

The hyper focus on an interest. The ignoring that you have basic needs. He doesn’t compliment you. He doesn’t initiate. He doesn’t bother with your pleasure. He doesn’t see anything wrong with you pleasuring him without reciprocation. He avoids confrontation at all costs. Once the situation is over he ignores it like it never happened. You’re invisible to him. How is he with taking responsibility and initiative in other areas of your life together? Does he plan things? Does he do his share of the household chores without you nagging?

Yes, your question to him was clumsy, but your feelings are completely valid. You’re asking to be seen, you’re asking for reassurance, you’re asking for intimacy. These are all basic human needs and the bare minimum in a relationship. You are not crazy or mean to feel starved of affection. Behaviour like his erodes your self esteem and self worth until you barely know yourself.

You might have some serious thinking to do here. You deserve more. You’re a worthwhile person. Plenty of men would find you attractive and give you what you deserve.

miniegg3 · 13/08/2023 18:13

Yes, it's stupid and annoying and you've ruined the night. You sound like hard work and if I was a man I couldn't be assed with that tbh

cariadlet · 13/08/2023 20:16

miniegg3 · 13/08/2023 18:13

Yes, it's stupid and annoying and you've ruined the night. You sound like hard work and if I was a man I couldn't be assed with that tbh

Read the thread including the many updates from the OP before having a go at her.
If you have any decency, you'll come back and apologise.

cariadlet · 13/08/2023 20:19

rockpoolingtogether · 13/08/2023 13:20

You sound hard work. You were fishing for a compliment. He did nothing wrong. You really shouldn't have said anything about looking like eva green!

Try reading the whole thread including the OP's many updates and (unnecessary) apologies before having a go at her
Maybe then you'll come back and apologise to her.

Whattodo112222 · 13/08/2023 20:22

You goaded him into agreeing with you and then you're upset he hasn't read your mind in that you were actually reverse psychology-ing him and wanted him to reassure you....... poor bloke can't win.

cariadlet · 13/08/2023 20:33

Whattodo112222 · 13/08/2023 20:22

You goaded him into agreeing with you and then you're upset he hasn't read your mind in that you were actually reverse psychology-ing him and wanted him to reassure you....... poor bloke can't win.

And yet another poster who can't be bothered to RTFT but still thinks it's ok to have a go at the OP.
Try reading her other posts.

Catusrusty · 13/08/2023 20:33

miniegg3 · 13/08/2023 18:13

Yes, it's stupid and annoying and you've ruined the night. You sound like hard work and if I was a man I couldn't be assed with that tbh

Fucks sake another one that can't RTFT

Catusrusty · 13/08/2023 20:34

SunsetOverParadise · 13/08/2023 14:37

Hey OP.

I’m sorry about some of the horrible comments you’re getting here. People are ridiculous if they can’t see that there’s deeper issues here - even if they haven’t read the whole thread.

A few things you’re saying about your partner are ringing alarm bells for me. Is he diagnosed with ADHD? I know it’s very easy to jump to things like this but I see some similarities in how you describe him and my OH, and I can see parallels in how you feel about yourself.

The hyper focus on an interest. The ignoring that you have basic needs. He doesn’t compliment you. He doesn’t initiate. He doesn’t bother with your pleasure. He doesn’t see anything wrong with you pleasuring him without reciprocation. He avoids confrontation at all costs. Once the situation is over he ignores it like it never happened. You’re invisible to him. How is he with taking responsibility and initiative in other areas of your life together? Does he plan things? Does he do his share of the household chores without you nagging?

Yes, your question to him was clumsy, but your feelings are completely valid. You’re asking to be seen, you’re asking for reassurance, you’re asking for intimacy. These are all basic human needs and the bare minimum in a relationship. You are not crazy or mean to feel starved of affection. Behaviour like his erodes your self esteem and self worth until you barely know yourself.

You might have some serious thinking to do here. You deserve more. You’re a worthwhile person. Plenty of men would find you attractive and give you what you deserve.

OP please ignore the whiny, bullying vindictive wankers on here berating you and listen to this excellent summary from @SunsetOverParadise

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:09

SunsetOverParadise · 13/08/2023 14:37

Hey OP.

I’m sorry about some of the horrible comments you’re getting here. People are ridiculous if they can’t see that there’s deeper issues here - even if they haven’t read the whole thread.

A few things you’re saying about your partner are ringing alarm bells for me. Is he diagnosed with ADHD? I know it’s very easy to jump to things like this but I see some similarities in how you describe him and my OH, and I can see parallels in how you feel about yourself.

The hyper focus on an interest. The ignoring that you have basic needs. He doesn’t compliment you. He doesn’t initiate. He doesn’t bother with your pleasure. He doesn’t see anything wrong with you pleasuring him without reciprocation. He avoids confrontation at all costs. Once the situation is over he ignores it like it never happened. You’re invisible to him. How is he with taking responsibility and initiative in other areas of your life together? Does he plan things? Does he do his share of the household chores without you nagging?

Yes, your question to him was clumsy, but your feelings are completely valid. You’re asking to be seen, you’re asking for reassurance, you’re asking for intimacy. These are all basic human needs and the bare minimum in a relationship. You are not crazy or mean to feel starved of affection. Behaviour like his erodes your self esteem and self worth until you barely know yourself.

You might have some serious thinking to do here. You deserve more. You’re a worthwhile person. Plenty of men would find you attractive and give you what you deserve.

Thank you.
DH has no diagnosis.
I think we definitely have a problem communicating right now.
he will do chores but I do have to ask. Sometimes I just do it to avoid the wait, but if I ask, he will do it.
I guess what bothers me most about the lack of compliments is he is able to compliment plenty other people, ie bumping into an ex and will tell me how great she looked. That’s fine in itself but I do wish he’d notice me more. He doesn’t say anything when I do lose weight, so I’m not sure he notices but it is harder to see the difference on someone you see everyday.
i am struggling to find the best way to communicate effectively so I’m not doing a great job of that. It just all comes out wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:17

Catusrusty · 13/08/2023 20:34

OP please ignore the whiny, bullying vindictive wankers on here berating you and listen to this excellent summary from @SunsetOverParadise

Show quote history

Thanks
I’ll try but I have taken some of it to heart and I know I shouldn’t.
somebody even said he should leave me which I feel is a bit harsh given I’d only shared a 2 minute snipet from our lives. I’m clearly not good at explaining things so maybe gave the impression I’d started a fight, which wasn’t the case.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:18

Gnomegnomegnome · 13/08/2023 11:47

Op, you’ve been so lovely on this thread, very gracious but your lack of self esteem is glaringly obvious with each post.
I think that you need to concentrate on your confidence and self esteem before you approach your relationship difficulties.

Thank you. Yes that’s true. I start counselling soon so that’s good!

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:19

DarkForces · 13/08/2023 10:28

I really think you need an honest conversation with him about how you're feeling and your communication patterns. You also need to look at how you talk to yourself. I'd really recommend looking into how to build more positive communication where you build yourself and each other up.

Please don't give him blow jobs if it's not giving you any pleasure. I think couple's counselling might be a good idea if you struggle to discuss sex generally.

Whatever you decide, be nicer to yourself. Yes, you messed up a bit last night but it's not really a big deal. Learn from it, move on. You've apologised enough.

Thank you, that’s good advice thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:21

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 13/08/2023 10:44

Also I would just ignore the pp who haven’t bothered to even read your updates.

Thanks. I’ll try. I have been taking to much to heart!

OP posts:

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 14/08/2023 07:24

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:18

Thank you. Yes that’s true. I start counselling soon so that’s good!

Show quote history

I think that’s a good idea. It may help you decide what you want to do about your relationship.

Do you have dcs together? Apologies if I’ve missed that.

Original poster

Tillie84 · 14/08/2023 07:55

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 14/08/2023 07:24

I think that’s a good idea. It may help you decide what you want to do about your relationship.

Do you have dcs together? Apologies if I’ve missed that.

Show quote history

yes we do. I want to stay in the relationship. I’m pretty sure DH does too. Outside of the lack of intimacy etc we get on very well. Rarely disagree, do things together as a family we all enjoy, i do organise a lot for us to do. He needs reminding of chores but will do if I ask.

I think I feel a bit like he sees me more of a mum, not so much the wife part anymore if that makes sense?
but because everything else is fine, and the kids are happy, this makes it harder for me to talk about the things I fee I need because I don’t want to cause any problems

OP posts:

Pebbledashery · 14/08/2023 10:23

Hi OP - just to say I have read all of your posts on here and you are very accepting of all of the advice given to you.
I really feel for you and you do deserve to feel wanted in your relationship.
I hope you get what you need from this thread and you have been really receptive to all of the comments, even the horrible ones... which I admit, had I not read all your updates I probably would have jumped the gun.
Good luck to you.

Original poster

Tillie84 · 15/08/2023 04:23

Pebbledashery · 14/08/2023 10:23

Hi OP - just to say I have read all of your posts on here and you are very accepting of all of the advice given to you.
I really feel for you and you do deserve to feel wanted in your relationship.
I hope you get what you need from this thread and you have been really receptive to all of the comments, even the horrible ones... which I admit, had I not read all your updates I probably would have jumped the gun.
Good luck to you.

Thank you very much

OP posts: