Page 8 | To be upset about this

Tillie84 · 2023-08-12T21:14:17+00:00

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH. I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?” DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”. I said “wrong answer” DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed” I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me. AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :( or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

cariadlet · 16/08/2023 15:00

MNetcurtains · 16/08/2023 14:20

I was responding to the OP. Expect a pile on if you're not going to provide context and, instead, drip feed.

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Well aren't you a charmer! If someone doesn't disclose everything in the first post, they can expect a pile on?
You need to work on your empathy. I hope you're not bitchy to friends or colleagues who open up to you.

Fair enough to only respond to an OP in a new thread but when a thread has this many posts, it's pretty obvious that a conversation has developed.

If you are too lazy to read all of an op's replies, let alone actually RTFT, then maybe just keep your thoughts to yourself because you clearly won't have a clue what's going on.

onefinemess · 16/08/2023 15:33

OP, you're a bully. You're abusing your husband. Playing mind games and manipulating him.

He needs to leave you ASAP.

.

onefinemess · 16/08/2023 15:36

Loopylune · 12/08/2023 22:29

Well he should really have known better but their fact he’s not bothered coming to see you sounds like maybe he’s fed up with it all? I mean if you say a lot of stuff like that it’s going to wear thin he’s probably thinking for gods sake why can’t she just be happy with herself? He obviously loves you and wants to be with you for who you are not because you look like Eva Green.

I only say this because I’m totally the type of person to be disparaging about myself and I think it is annoying to people so I try not to these days!

Known better about what?

cariadlet · 16/08/2023 16:20

onefinemess · 16/08/2023 15:33

OP, you're a bully. You're abusing your husband. Playing mind games and manipulating him.

He needs to leave you ASAP.

.

RTFT or at least have the decency to read the OP's replies.

She messed up, she's acknowledged that and her DH wasn't bothered when she spoke to him the next day.

If you had bothered to RTFT, you would know that the OP is far from being a bully.

MNetcurtains · 16/08/2023 17:21

cariadlet · 16/08/2023 15:00

Well aren't you a charmer! If someone doesn't disclose everything in the first post, they can expect a pile on?
You need to work on your empathy. I hope you're not bitchy to friends or colleagues who open up to you.

Fair enough to only respond to an OP in a new thread but when a thread has this many posts, it's pretty obvious that a conversation has developed.

If you are too lazy to read all of an op's replies, let alone actually RTFT, then maybe just keep your thoughts to yourself because you clearly won't have a clue what's going on.

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Oh, get over yourself.🙄

Original poster

Tillie84 · 16/08/2023 23:12

cariadlet · 16/08/2023 16:20

RTFT or at least have the decency to read the OP's replies.

She messed up, she's acknowledged that and her DH wasn't bothered when she spoke to him the next day.

If you had bothered to RTFT, you would know that the OP is far from being a bully.

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Thanks @cariadlet
That was not the first comment saying my husband should leave me :(
but at least we are working on it all and headed the right direction :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 16/08/2023 23:13

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 16/08/2023 13:07

Good luck x

Thanks 😊 x

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 16/08/2023 23:15

cariadlet · 16/08/2023 12:38

@TiTillie84 Thanks for giving us the update. Good news that you and your DH both want to stay together and both recognise that there are things to work on.

It does sound as if talking about your problems will be difficult for both of you. I wonder if marriage counselling or couples counselling would help.

Yes I think counselling would be a good idea to help us get back on the same wavelength with communicating! X

OP posts:

Original poster

Tillie84 · 16/08/2023 23:18

UnderCarraigeWoes · 15/08/2023 18:50

Aw OP, you just feel shit about yourself and wanted him to make you feel good. You did it in a cackhanded way but you weren't being abusive.

An honest conversation is needed as you can't let his attitude to you and intimacy go on, it'll just tear you apart little by little until you've no self esteem left.

If he says he doesn't fancy you anymore it would be dreadful but at least you'd know, you wouldn't be living this cycle of damaging behaviour. It may be something else entirely that you both need to work on or it may mean the end of things but you could at least cope with that and get in with your life and heal from this and find someone who values and appreciates you.

Thank you.
we have started talking and moving forward and I think we will get there ☺️
we both have work to do but I know we can do it x

OP posts:

HelpMeUnpickThis · 17/08/2023 20:27

Tillie84 · 15/08/2023 04:23

Thank you very much

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@Tillie84

This is what I came to say too. I think you have been so good at taking on board all the feedback and also graciously replying to and thanking everyone for all their responses - even the rude ones who didn’t read the full thread and just came to pile on.

I also think you should also do things that make you happy. Don’t get bogged down worrying about your weight (you have mentioned that a few times), stop intimacy that is one sided, don’t put your self worth all in his hands. I don’t know who Eva Green is but I am sure you are attractive and look after yourself. You don’t need him to rubber stamp your looks as the only measure of your attractiveness.

He sounds a bit self absorbed and self involved at the moment. Maybe there is a reason for that but it’s not your job to be his emotional fixer. He needs to put some effort into things too - especially your sex life.

I want to virtually shake you (gently!) and tell you that you deserve a good sex life and to feel noticed and valued and appreciated and confident within your relationship.

Stand up for yourself and what you deserve and don’t put yourself down.

Don’t be scared to assert your needs and desires and stop blaming yourself for everything.

💐

Original poster

Tillie84 · 18/08/2023 06:38

HelpMeUnpickThis · 17/08/2023 20:27

@Tillie84

This is what I came to say too. I think you have been so good at taking on board all the feedback and also graciously replying to and thanking everyone for all their responses - even the rude ones who didn’t read the full thread and just came to pile on.

I also think you should also do things that make you happy. Don’t get bogged down worrying about your weight (you have mentioned that a few times), stop intimacy that is one sided, don’t put your self worth all in his hands. I don’t know who Eva Green is but I am sure you are attractive and look after yourself. You don’t need him to rubber stamp your looks as the only measure of your attractiveness.

He sounds a bit self absorbed and self involved at the moment. Maybe there is a reason for that but it’s not your job to be his emotional fixer. He needs to put some effort into things too - especially your sex life.

I want to virtually shake you (gently!) and tell you that you deserve a good sex life and to feel noticed and valued and appreciated and confident within your relationship.

Stand up for yourself and what you deserve and don’t put yourself down.

Don’t be scared to assert your needs and desires and stop blaming yourself for everything.

💐

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Thank you very much. We are making time to talk now and actually having conversations about it all!
i am sure we can get there thank you so much x

OP posts:

Middleagedmeangirls · 08/11/2023 09:40

Don't put lack of intimacy down to your weight. I am slim and small waisted with big boobs (so the western societal sexual ideal) but DH and I haven't been intimate for about 8 years. His choice not mine. It hurt me a lot when it first started but he refused to see a doctor about it and kept saying things would change but they never did.

I could have LTB but he isn't a bastard. He's lovely and I love him. We still have a loving affectionate relationship with hugs and kisses and handholds and cuddles but I don't think we will ever have sex again. I 'fulfill my own needs' (ahem). I miss the closeness post coital intimacy brings but leaving him wouldn't bring us any closer.

It's not a brother/sister relationship as people often describe sexless marriages. It's much closer, more exclusive, thoughtful and emotionally enmeshed than that so to my mind it's still a romantic partnership. I've just had to accept things as they are.

Nothanksthanksanyway · 08/11/2023 09:42

Oh for goodness sake!! Poor guy was never getting that right! Stop being so difficult with him!

FloydPepper · 08/11/2023 10:01

Interesting to see what sort of a poster sees an 8 page thread and thinks “I know, I’ll just comment on the first post. It’s far more important I have my say than I actually read to see what’s really going on”

Valeriekat · 09/11/2023 09:20

Eva Green is so beautiful.