Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about this

190 replies

Tillie84 · 12/08/2023 22:14

Just been watching Casino Royal with DH.
I turned to DH and said “i wish I looked like Eva Green”. He said nothing and then I said “it would be good wouldn’t it?”
DH said “yes that would be good if you looked like Eva Green”.
I said “wrong answer”
DH then said “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, you said it would be good if you looked like Eva Green and I agreed”
I then said I was going to bed and just left. He hasn’t moved or come to see me.
AIBU to be upset about this?! DH knows I’ve been upset about my weight recently, I’ve been having some issues with anxiety, just yesterday was prescribed medication from GP relating to anxiety issues. Guess I just thought DH might reassure me I look fine as I am but I guess not :(
or am I being stupid/over reacting etc ??

OP posts:
Thisismyartform · 13/08/2023 09:17

He may have meant ‘ yes it would be great for you if you looked like Eva’

It didn’t necessarily mean that he thought it would be great for him if you did!

It doesn’t sound like he was very engaged in this conversation so was probably not thinking much about what he said but instead just agreed with you to draw things to a close.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

My husband likes Brie Larson most. There are others but he doesn’t even like Eva Green 😭 although I agree with h his taste in others. We are able to talk about who we find attractive, even people we know. I know he finds one of my best friend one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen and he’s right.
last night was different. I know it’s something we can probably laugh about, if he even remembers, but i think the way I felt and the responses on here have helped me realise there is a bigger picture that is bothering me more and I do have issues I need to deal
with , and discussions I need to have with DH.
I didn’t explain it all well, last night wasn’t an argument or anything. I don’t even think he will remember or acknowledge it when he wakes up.

I was upset at first because DH hadn’t realised I was upset or fishing for a compliment, but I know I was being stupid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:21

Thisismyartform · 13/08/2023 09:17

He may have meant ‘ yes it would be great for you if you looked like Eva’

It didn’t necessarily mean that he thought it would be great for him if you did!

It doesn’t sound like he was very engaged in this conversation so was probably not thinking much about what he said but instead just agreed with you to draw things to a close.

Yes looking back on last night I think this is very likely, and don’t think he’ll even remembered this conversation!

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 13/08/2023 09:22

@Janieforever no, op said she has asked but he says he is tired/has drunk too much, nothing is wrong and it doesn’t need to be discussed? So she has stopped bringing it up.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:24

blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 09:17

I would feel so demeaned if my DH didn't want to be intimate with me for 2 years but would occasionally allow me to suck him off. It would make me feel so used and cheap. Sorry, OP.

Yes well that’s how it’s been.
I have tried to discuss it in the past, but now I am avoiding it and I guess last night was trying to find other ways to broach the subject but I was just stupid instead.

last night in a way is just masking the real issue and I need a more serious talk.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:26

Buildingthefuture · 13/08/2023 09:22

@Janieforever no, op said she has asked but he says he is tired/has drunk too much, nothing is wrong and it doesn’t need to be discussed? So she has stopped bringing it up.

Yes pretty much. It just got to the point where I felt like I was pestering and it was annoying him too much etc.
now I am worried if I bring it up things will feel worse after but I I know I need to have a discussion I just don’t know how I’m going to start it :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:27

KeepingKeepingOn · 13/08/2023 00:46

Jesus Christ, if you can’t be arsed to read the whole thread, at least read the OP’s replies 🙄

hope you’re ok OP; and hope you manage to have the conversation with DH and resolve the underlying issues 💐

Thanks. Just feel so nervous about staring the discussion!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:28

Pasithean · 13/08/2023 00:42

You deserved that.

Hi I mean this in the best way possible but I’m not entirely sure what you mean?

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 13/08/2023 09:29

blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 09:17

I would feel so demeaned if my DH didn't want to be intimate with me for 2 years but would occasionally allow me to suck him off. It would make me feel so used and cheap. Sorry, OP.

This.. And very unattractive.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:31

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 13/08/2023 08:43

This is one of the most gracious posters I've ever come across.

yes to this it’s clear some people haven’t even read ops replies.

I hope your chat goes ok later. It’s never easy initiating a conversation like that. Good luck x

Thanks. I am so terrible at starting these conversations!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:32

QueefQueen80s · 13/08/2023 09:29

This.. And very unattractive.

Show quote history

Well yes I do feel unattractive.
I have been wearing more dresses lately to try and look nicer but I’m not sure he has noticed

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:34

QueefQueen80s · 13/08/2023 08:41

Surprised at these answers. He should have said something like "as if, I'd rather have you" or "nah you're gorgeous"
It doesn't sound like he's very into you OP, along with the intimacy stuff.
Don't settle for this.. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel attractive.

Thank you.
I do need to have a more serious discussion :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:36

PuddlesPityParty · 13/08/2023 08:14

And what have you done about it?

Show quote history

Nothing yet. He’s still sleeping. I will need to have a chat later

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:38

PuddlesPityParty · 12/08/2023 23:55

Ah yes the classic only agreeing with the minority posters who agree with the OP 🙄 grow up.

Have you read her other posts?

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:39

ballsdeep · 13/08/2023 08:52

Your poor husband!! Don’t ask stupid questions if you want a sensible answer. You not only asked once but you then prodded him for more!

It's really easy to read all the OP's posts

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:41

Peony654 · 13/08/2023 08:16

YABVU. What did you expect him to say, poor bloke. Hope you’ve apologised to him

It goes way deeper than that if you read the OP's posts.

@Tillie84 you have got to get him to talk about it.

Or decide what YOU want to do about it

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:49

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:41

It goes way deeper than that if you read the OP's posts.

@Tillie84 you have got to get him to talk about it.

Or decide what YOU want to do about it

Show quote history

Thanks.

I guess what I want to do is talk about it.

DH doesn’t like to talk about issues though so I generally avoid it. it’s not going to be easy.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:53

Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 09:49

Thanks.

I guess what I want to do is talk about it.

DH doesn’t like to talk about issues though so I generally avoid it. it’s not going to be easy.

Show quote history

But you need to be sure about what you want and what you will/won't accept

And if he won't talk about it you need to decide what you are going to do. And start making plans.

Is it a dealbreaker?

PetersSpecialCheese · 13/08/2023 09:56

You're being ridiculous

GardeningIdiot · 13/08/2023 09:58

he seems to like that, when I pleasure him, but it’s kind of one way in that he won’t do anything back.

That's grim of him. Stop doing it.

GardeningIdiot · 13/08/2023 10:00

I'd start a new thread in Relationships, @Tillie84 with the key issues. The Eva Green comment is a red herring.

Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 10:21

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2023 09:53

But you need to be sure about what you want and what you will/won't accept

And if he won't talk about it you need to decide what you are going to do. And start making plans.

Is it a dealbreaker?

Show quote history

It’s not so much a dealbreaker if he doesn’t want to be intimate with me depending on reasons etc. as a pp mentioned it could be depressions/stress/ a variety of reasons.
obviosuly if he’d rather be getting it elsewhere that’s different.
but if he has reasons that are not personal to me, and can discuss it with me then I can accept that and support him etc.
I guess if he never wants to discuss anything moving forward that could be the deal breaker!
but lack of sex is not a dealbreaker depending on the reasons. I just wish he would talk to me about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 10:21

GardeningIdiot · 13/08/2023 09:58

he seems to like that, when I pleasure him, but it’s kind of one way in that he won’t do anything back.

That's grim of him. Stop doing it.

I know - that’s my fault really

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillie84 · 13/08/2023 10:22

GardeningIdiot · 13/08/2023 10:00

I'd start a new thread in Relationships, @Tillie84 with the key issues. The Eva Green comment is a red herring.

Yes it is a red herring!
yes I should do that thanks

OP posts:
Fruitynutcase · 13/08/2023 10:23

Grow up .

Swipe left for the next trending thread