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Original poster

Tradwives

238 replies

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:12

Whilst mindlessly scrolling through Instagram the other day, a video came up on my feed (whatever that section is called where they post suggested videos) of a ‘tradwife’ - an American woman (she must have been no older than 24) who was actively promoting a traditional married lifestyle - a man as provider, woman as homemaker, with the man as the ‘leader’ of the family and the wife submitting to her husband’s leadership. She posts videos of herself cooking and cleaning and dressing up for her husband every day, and regularly speaks about how she has certain rules for herself to keep herself in her place, like not going out after dark without her husband, asking her husbands permission before she does things. I got the impression that she likes this lifestyle and has chosen it and he goes along with it - she’s always talking about how it was her lifelong dream to live like this. She’s even started dressing in retro housewife outfits - like a sort of 1950s vibe. Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing and seems very happy. I was intrigued about this movement and when I Googled it, it seems that this is a growing movement with lots of people posting about it and promoting the lifestyle. I was so surprised as I’ve never really met anyone like this. I was wondering if anyone on Mumsnet is a part of this movement (or even just follows this lifestyle/holds these beliefs in private). No reason really other than curiosity!

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 12/08/2023 17:17

There is an active thread at the moment started by a woman who had an ambition to be a "tradwife" (never worked, married young, multiple children, does EVERYTHING in the home) and whose husband is the breadwinner. It has all gone massively sour for her and she is struggling to find a way out.

I think, like everything else, this kind of lifestyle is fine if you're wealthy and your husband/ wife is a decent human being.

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:17

They're living in a fantasy - a bit like furries

If they actually had to submit to their husbands, or weren't allowed out after dark, or had no choice but to be a domestic slave, or feel gis wrath for looking less than perfect, they would realise how sick their fantasy is.

Original poster
babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:19

She doesn’t believe women should work, and thinks it’s a man’s place to work while a woman should stay home and clean, cook and care for children. Forgot to mention that part, although assume it’s obvious!

OP posts:
Original poster
babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:20

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:17

They're living in a fantasy - a bit like furries

If they actually had to submit to their husbands, or weren't allowed out after dark, or had no choice but to be a domestic slave, or feel gis wrath for looking less than perfect, they would realise how sick their fantasy is.

I suppose you’re right. It’s is a bit like a game or a fantasy when it’s not a reality. I found the imposing rules on herself thing a bit odd and wondered if she’d be so happy to follow these rules if it were her husband and not herself who implemented them!

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:21

I work with members of an extreme religious sect that live by this or face punishment/abandonment. It is miserable

TheLeadbetterLife · 12/08/2023 17:22

I think women these days can choose to cosplay this stuff purely because of the freedoms won for them by previous generations of feminists.

if they HAD to be domestic slaves they would be putting their heads in ovens.

I’d have no problem with it if they at least acknowledged the reality of this crucial context.

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:23

I also think it's just a bit of a fantasy. If they really couldn't go out after dark without their husband, they'd hate it.

I would love to be a sahm but I wouldn't do it as we would really miss the income. Cooking and cleaning and dressing up all day sounds very low stress! But it just isn't viable for a lot of people and also, what happens when it goes wrong and you have no job, money, work history, qualifications etc?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/08/2023 17:24

I've seen a few women like this on MN over the years. I do find myself wondering what motivates them to pursue that kind of lifestyle. I don't see any attraction in it myself!

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/08/2023 17:25

Eh… if they’re happy with their choice then more power to them. As long as someone is paying the bills and it’s not the taxpayer then it’s fine with me

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:25

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:23

I also think it's just a bit of a fantasy. If they really couldn't go out after dark without their husband, they'd hate it.

I would love to be a sahm but I wouldn't do it as we would really miss the income. Cooking and cleaning and dressing up all day sounds very low stress! But it just isn't viable for a lot of people and also, what happens when it goes wrong and you have no job, money, work history, qualifications etc?

NOT saying all sahms are tradwives with low stress lives BTW before anyone jumps up and down! Probably should have made two paragraphs there 🤔

I'd love to be a sahm.

AND being a tradwife sounds fun as a bit if a game but what if...?

NumberTheory · 12/08/2023 17:25

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:19

She doesn’t believe women should work, and thinks it’s a man’s place to work while a woman should stay home and clean, cook and care for children. Forgot to mention that part, although assume it’s obvious!

Bet she’s monetizing all the content you’re watching.

Tweeps · 12/08/2023 17:26

Please can you point me in the direction of this

BiPolarBabe · 12/08/2023 17:30

Have to admit there are times when I fantasise about being a tradwife.

Mainly due to the fact I'm the main breadwinner, my DH is disabled so I'm his carer, i have a 12 yr old DD and I've also got an elderly mother who needs a lot of assistance. So I'm constantly on the go and exhausted, with my own medical conditions to manage which everyone thinks i should just be able to "deal with".

Then I realise that there's no way I'd be happy in that life full time, it's too one sided, liable to abuse and somewhat creepy in some cases. I recognise the fantasy for the escapism which it is.
It's normally a sign I need a break from everything if I start thinking like that.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 12/08/2023 17:33

NumberTheory · 12/08/2023 17:25

Bet she’s monetizing all the content you’re watching.

Show quote history

It's a total grift - like that Andrew Tate character, because you don't need to advertise it on the internet as if it was some new unheard of concept.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 12/08/2023 17:37

The one who goes to work has it easy. Minimum 8 hours a day at work, no house work, child care, domestic duties. Just come home and eat dinner.

Triselly · 12/08/2023 17:39

It is just a grift - obviously the women who really believe this stuff don’t prance around on the internet.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 12/08/2023 17:40

Exactly @NumberTheory her being a grad wife is literally her job, she records everything she does in a big show and puts it online, monetised to earn an income. It's a job which if she was actually a TradWife, she wouldn't have because her husband would be the breadwinner and she would not be earning.

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:41

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 12/08/2023 17:40

Exactly @NumberTheory her being a grad wife is literally her job, she records everything she does in a big show and puts it online, monetised to earn an income. It's a job which if she was actually a TradWife, she wouldn't have because her husband would be the breadwinner and she would not be earning.

Case in point!

MsMD · 12/08/2023 17:42

I work in a major hospital in a Bible Belt US city. These women are becoming more common, but I will say it's like a game to most of them. They don't ACTUALLY not have to work, they don't ACTUALLY have to dress up every day, they don't ACTUALLY have their man's permission to go out, they don't ACTUALLY have to follow his commands and never say no and the rest of the bullshit.

One came in for an abortion without her husband's permission or knowledge, for example.

They'd feel differently if they didn't have choices, instead of just liking to pretend that they don't.

Personally it sickens me, but as long as they're choosing to play dress up and they're happy, women should have the right to do what they want.

Screamingabdabz · 12/08/2023 17:43

Its all fine until the husband finds a perky younger version when she’s just about at the most depleted part of her life physically and hormonally.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 12/08/2023 17:49

Screamingabdabz · 12/08/2023 17:43

Its all fine until the husband finds a perky younger version when she’s just about at the most depleted part of her life physically and hormonally.

Exactly. Then what will they do with no work experience.

Donewithrenovating · 12/08/2023 17:50

I was about to say like the pp working in Bible Belt that I have had brushes with the religious man-is-the-head-of-the-family movement and watch a whole family of different daughters who are conveniently conventionally slim, hot and personable and all post on insta. One is phenomenally successful as a social media presence and yet has to pretend that it’s alll her sweet but rather directionless husbands idea and strategy, and now because she is so naturally talented and successful he has come in to ‘share’ her success and so it’s turned from a perky if v religious woman engaging very naturally with content on how to run your house mega efficiently and organise your life to her sitting on a sofa staring adoringly at him while HE talks and nodding supportively in some places. If he just supported her from the background to do her thing on insta and YouTube, they’d be so successful and raking it in. But because they have to keep resetting and defaulting to ‘he’s the head and I submit, he’s such a great guide and leader for our home, I just so grateful for his wisdom’ bullshit their content is now odd and static and boring. It’s lost all her freshness and spontaneity.

MaggieBsBoat · 12/08/2023 17:51

In many ways I’m too old to give a shit how other people lives their lives as long as they’re happy.
Nevertheless, like all things, this premise works of the people involved are decent.
If a wife is treated with respect by a husband who loves her and cares about her happiness then all is well.
If she is beaten emotionally and physically then perhaps a lifetime of submitting to his will is not so glorious.
But…if submission is all, then she should be happy with it and accept it. Therein lies the rub.
All human systems are fallible and only work by consent.
This surrendered wife concept does the round every decade or so and has been around for long long time.
I’m not one. Could not be one. As above, I cannot entrust my happiness to the whim of another just because he has a penis and has a right to make my decisions for me because of it.
I think wives who submit do so under the assumption that all will be rosy. When it isn’t the wheels fall off the bus and the have no security and no way of going. It’s really tough. I am too old to have sympathy because it doesn’t take a leap of genius calculation to understand the ramifications of being a dependant.

Donewithrenovating · 12/08/2023 17:53

Look at Anna Duggar! Raised to be a docile ‘helpmeet’ with no agency of her own. Married off at 20 to a young man whose family knew he was a predator. He is now jailed and she is left with seven children, no way of supporting them, and a whole world around her telling her she would be committing mortal sin by divorcing him.

calmcoco · 12/08/2023 17:56

It's tiring and hard dealing with reality and responsibilities. Being a tradwife is a way out of that.

A bit like conspiracy theories are a way out of dealing with the fact life is random.

It's a game of make believe.

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