Tradwives

[babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo]

Whilst mindlessly scrolling through Instagram the other day, a video came up on my feed (whatever that section is called where they post suggested videos) of a ‘tradwife’ - an American woman (she must have been no older than 24) who was actively promoting a traditional married lifestyle - a man as provider, woman as homemaker, with the man as the ‘leader’ of the family and the wife submitting to her husband’s leadership. She posts videos of herself cooking and cleaning and dressing up for her husband every day, and regularly speaks about how she has certain rules for herself to keep herself in her place, like not going out after dark without her husband, asking her husbands permission before she does things. I got the impression that she likes this lifestyle and has chosen it and he goes along with it - she’s always talking about how it was her lifelong dream to live like this. She’s even started dressing in retro housewife outfits - like a sort of 1950s vibe. Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing and seems very happy. I was intrigued about this movement and when I Googled it, it seems that this is a growing movement with lots of people posting about it and promoting the lifestyle. I was so surprised as I’ve never really met anyone like this. I was wondering if anyone on Mumsnet is a part of this movement (or even just follows this lifestyle/holds these beliefs in private). No reason really other than curiosity!

Also as someone who has always been a problem solver, it does seem like it might be quite nice to give up on worrying about any stuff and just hand everything difficult to my husband to deal with! But again, the novelty probably wouldn’t last long.

I’m not certain but I don’t think this girl was raised like this. She used to be into fitness and bodybuilding as far as I could tell from her social media, and then gave it up when she met her husband to become a tradwife which had apparently been her dream since childhood. She’s mentioned a few times that this is her own choice and something she’s always wanted, although of course this might not be true

That's disturbing. I hope she doesn't pass these "values" on to her children.

It was a very long time ago but a vague relative [professional woman - retired] was locked in the house by "D"H when he was out. She said it made her secure that he cared for her safety (!!)

@babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo

Fellow Duggarsnarker here. Hi 😅

Awful for these poor women and here we have the ( privileged) ones choosing this life.

Nuts.

She has always….without influence from her parents believed in gender stereotypes. Definitely didn’t fall into this because she met her husband and he believed it.

She believed it all along….but was also a female body builder? Which isn’t a female stereotypical activity. So she hasn’t always believed it.

It’s either a complete lie and she failed to be a fitness influencer so trying this growing niche….which is horrific. As the name implies….she will be influencing young women into believing it’s true and a good thing. It’s not. Because if it’s fake it’s unlikely her husband asserts any real control over her. Where as young women who think it is real won’t spot the massive red flags when they marry the ‘trad and abusive husband’.

Or there’s been someone influencing her. A church and/or her husband etc

Love a bit of fundiesnarksnark and Duggarsnark!

I worked with a man who told people at work how he was so worried for his wife’s safety he locked her in the house. I remember going cold when he said it openly. As though it was normal.

He had told plenty of people about how his first wife just left him no long after wedding.

It ended up with him being arrested at work. She, I believe, went to a shelter and her parents came to pick her up. He, actually, died quite soon after. I always wonder what happened to her.

Stacey Dooley did a sleeps over episode about this.

Sounds frightfully dull!

real tradwives wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the internet so it’s just LARPing

its easy to cosplay this role when you live in a country where, if you chose to leave, there would be no societal come back from it. The law allows you to leave & divorce your husband if you do chose

i expect Instagram/tik tok tradwives woukd run a mile from really living the life they describe where they were at home with no money, no rights & no ability to leave

Quite.

Or gets ill/loses his job

AIBU for thinking trad wives is a more socially acceptable way to define a dom/sub (as in bdsm minus the bsm) lifestyle relationship.

It's a fad, like neo pronouns or furries. Or non binary teens.

Donewithrenovating I think I can guess the influencer you mention. The one I'm thinking of had a platform that went from home renovations and housekeeping tips to 50/50, to her husband spending a lot of time throwing theology words around whilst she gazed at him lovingly.

real tradwives wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the internet so it’s just LARPing
I agree. They're able to play their little cosplay safe in the knowledge that society's legal system and society at large isn't going to force them to remain there should things go south.

I suppose by some people's standards I'm a 'trad' wife. Married young, do all the cooking/cleaning etc. Difference is for me it's not some sort of dress up game or fantasy, it's a real life that I am very happy with. I think them describing themselves as submissive is a huge red flag and means their relationships are probably destined to fail.

And then they would just create content on how they were harmed by being a trad-wife. The money is still coming in one way or another.

She doesn’t believe women should work

Any women? Or just her?

I've no problem with how people want to arrange their own lives, but I've no time at all for anyone who thinks women as a whole shouldn't work.

Can you write in paragraphs - very difficult to read your post.

If I submitted to my husband's whims we'd be destitute!

My sil is like this, it's within her culture and she seems happy enough. She has no security with him. They have never owned a property for example. From the outside it looks like he could walk tomorrow and leave her with nothing but it's what they want. Not for me but works for them. Let's hope they don't split

Sounds like my MIL

Shame on you for saying that. That isn’t always the case at all - the pressure that I feel on a daily basis to make sure there is food on the table and bills paid, homework done, making sure your child is in good place is immense. And I’m a woman with a non-earning ExH. I bear 95% of the load. He gets to be Disney dad. I’m not as unusual as you would think - I know loads of women in the same position as me. Don’t ever assume what you assumed in that post. It’s really offensive.

@LolaSmiles does she have an amazing fringe and just had a fifth baby? And billions of photogenic siblings?