Tradwives

[babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo]

Whilst mindlessly scrolling through Instagram the other day, a video came up on my feed (whatever that section is called where they post suggested videos) of a ‘tradwife’ - an American woman (she must have been no older than 24) who was actively promoting a traditional married lifestyle - a man as provider, woman as homemaker, with the man as the ‘leader’ of the family and the wife submitting to her husband’s leadership. She posts videos of herself cooking and cleaning and dressing up for her husband every day, and regularly speaks about how she has certain rules for herself to keep herself in her place, like not going out after dark without her husband, asking her husbands permission before she does things. I got the impression that she likes this lifestyle and has chosen it and he goes along with it - she’s always talking about how it was her lifelong dream to live like this. She’s even started dressing in retro housewife outfits - like a sort of 1950s vibe. Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing and seems very happy. I was intrigued about this movement and when I Googled it, it seems that this is a growing movement with lots of people posting about it and promoting the lifestyle. I was so surprised as I’ve never really met anyone like this. I was wondering if anyone on Mumsnet is a part of this movement (or even just follows this lifestyle/holds these beliefs in private). No reason really other than curiosity!

So you aren’t a trad wife.

You didn’t pick to be a trad wife because it aligns with your religious values as you previously stated.

You say you raise you children the same. Want the girl to have a career and be able to look after herself. Raise the boy the same.

No one cares if you are a sahp. That’s completely different to being a Trad wife and your first post outlined someone who, because of the religious influence on your life had the values of a trad wife. Which you now claim you don’t have those values. And I can’t see the connection between your choice to sahp and your religion.

Any digs you have had is because you said things like you wanted your son to have a career and your daughter to be able to keep a home clean. Nothing about a daughters career. Nothing to do with being a sahp.

I can’t work out wether you thought of you pretended to be trad wife it would goad people or you genuinely don’t see the difference.

Did you just thing Trad wife was the new term for sahm? If so, why did you detail how your religion impacts this?

But surely if nursery workers are strangers….so are teachers and anyone running after school club.

Do you believe teachers and those running after school club raise your children?

@vimtogirl My husbands values come largely from his dad, my very lovely FIL. For a lot of my husband’s childhood his mum was sick and in and out of hospital and my FIL did everything. This is a man who was born in India in 1935 so his values were certainly not those of his generation. It is more proof that our kids are watching us and learning the values we pass on to them.

Except in America, multiple women raised in hard core evangelical Christianity are on social media - see most of the Duggar women and many other IBLP women.

They are absolutely not ‘role playing’ and whether they were ‘forced’ into it depends on your definition of the term. I see being ‘homeschooled’ and therefore not being able to get a good job, being married off in their teens and being told birth control is a sin and that if they don’t submit to their husband they will go to hell as force.

The group you belonged to may not have believed in social media but many modern groups pushing this way of life deliberately put smiling attractive young women who are ‘happy, happy, happy’ at their way of life all over social media as a way of pushing their lifestyle.

The Duggar women are all over social media (and reality TV) and there is no way it is role playing for them or other women in the IBLP cult.

@Caprisunny I just thought a trad wife is a traditional wife, e.g looks after the home and kids while husband is working. I best go browse TikTok to see what the fuss is about.

Regards to my religion, in Islam, for mothers, our main priority is raising children, our families, husbands and creating a home. We are allowed to obviously work outside the home but it must not be at the detriment of raising our families in an Islamic manner. At the moment, me working outside would not be best for my family especially at this stage of my children's lives. Our first responsibility it towards our families.

Of course we need women working in so many sectors especially Muslim women ideally want female midwives/doctors etc. in an ideal world, Muslim female doctors etc would have help at home.

Me personally I don't have help. I can only do things for myself when my husband is on annual leave, days off etc. we've never been on a "date night" in the 5 years we've had children because there is no family help. So in my opinion me working right now is not really an option.

When say my two youngest start reception. It will become easier and I can find a balance hopefully

Then no. You are a stay at home mum which no has an issue with.

You did know what. Trad wife was. You read the Op which clear shows it’s a particular thing and your thought to include your religion as part of the reason that you do it. So you did have an idea.

You were also told earlier that it includes submitting to your husband. Having no financial independence and so on.

the vast majority of people make decisions based on what’s best for their family. People of all religions and even non religious people. That’s not specific to your religion. Putting your family first is not a religious value. I don’t know anyone who works, to the detriment of their own family. Even women. They work because on balance it’s the best thing overall for their family. That’s not a Muslim value or even a religious one.

No one is suggesting you have to work. But that’s completely different to being a trad wife, who firmly believe that a woman’s place is only in the home, they serve their husbands like a master and so on. They also raise their daughters in the same way so their daughters don’t know they have a real choice. It’s very much tied to their religious views that the man is lord and master of the house, that womens education doesn’t matter and women are simply there to service the husbands, have children and raise them.

Then there’s the ones pretending they live like that and that it makes them happy. Which is why people have an issue with it. They are pretending they have handed over all their autonomy to their husband and trying to create a career out of influencing young women to think the same. These ‘influencers’ are lucky. Because their husbands are just going along with their most recent social media personality. But the young women they are trying to influence will probably end up with someone who does genuinely believe that and end up in an abusive marriage.

People have an issue with Trad wives, wether pretending or not. Not sahp.

@Caprisunny one of the main responsibilities as a Muslim women is putting your family first.

And

This ..

No one is suggesting you have to work. But that’s completely different to being a trad wife, who firmly believe that a woman’s place is only in the home, they serve their husbands like a master and so on. They also raise their daughters in the same way so their daughters don’t know they have a real choice. It’s very much tied to their religious views that the man is lord and master of the house, that womens education doesn’t matter and women are simply there to service the husbands, have children and raise them.

Well I don't agree with any of that so guess that's settled

Putting your family first is one of the main responsibilities of any parent. It’s not specific to Muslim women.

@vimtogirl I don't think anyone has an issue with someone being a sahm while their children are young ( or even forever if they are being bankrolled by someone- thats their lookout) but when you start saying that girls are expected to be taught how to clean and boys have to learn how to appreciate their wives cleaning that is a bit 🤔. Then you are restricting your daughters choices and aspirations. And also your sons if they want a wife who is going to cook and clean for them.

Can you stop being a bully?

wtf

How many of the next generation of women do you think will be able to find jobs now that girls are not allowed a secondary education?

Do you have access to a dictionary ?