If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

I wouldn't be happy staying at home all day whether I lived in a big house or not (I don't, modest 3 bed terrace). If I had the kids I'd be beside myself with stress and boredom simultaneously. If I was alone I'd end up watching TV or gaming all day and become even lazier and fatter than I am now.

I love and need routine. I'd rather not work full time though. If I could choose I'd work 4 hours 5 days a week OR I'd volunteer. I don't begrudge people who can afford to stay home though. Do what makes you happy.

I'd also worry about a career gap if fortunes turned or my husband died or something. You'd struggle to get anything half decent if you didn't work for years and years or at all.

I’m in your situation, slightly smaller house. I do a job I enjoy and brings me purpose. I feel happy about it and with what I’ve got. The grass ain’t always greener

I have lived in two such large houses and it was a pain in the arse! Too much cleaning and having to trek bloody miles to kitchen! I much much prefer my wee two up two down Victorian terrace. I would also go actually insane without the enforced routine that work gives me. Sorry op!

I know someone who lives in a house like this. Doesn’t work, lots of staff (housekeeper, cleaner, gardener). Kids all in private boarding schools. She is lovely but has battled depression for years. She isn’t happier than me. I live in a nice house in a lovely area but work full time. Kids in state schools.
She definitely has much nicer holidays than us though!

This won’t go well. It will end up with an argument between SAHMs and working mums.

I haven’t worked since having children and we have a nice house. My partner works from home. It works for us and we’re happy. We’re both financially secure if anything we’re to go wrong.

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I’m not in that position. But I absolutely would hate to stay home all day. It’s my nightmare.

My DH could certainly earn significantly more money and allow me to stay home but I prefer to share the load and have an active parent in my husband.

I think the asymmetry creates resentment on both sides eventually.

I just cannot imagine being happy not working. I was a sahm not working at all for a total of about 8 years and I didn't particularly enjoy it except when the children were really young - and then I think I mostly appreciated the lack of stress with trying to work and find childcare and all of that when my DH had wholly unpredictable work hours involving lots of evenings and weekends and travel abroad.

But I've had a variety of part-time jobs since I stepped back from my career. None of them any great shakes, but all decently paid (in real life, not Mumsnet world) and local.

I'm now 60 and working about 30 hours per week and I just cannot imagine giving up work to spend all my time doing house and garden stuff with the odd lunch out thrown in. It would rot my brain. When the children were younger I was busy looking after them.

I don't live this lifestyle but some people I know do......... life is not always plain sailing for them, and it's hard to get back into work after the children get to a certain age.

The combined family income might be high, but women like to get out and meet people through work, be challenged, have a work ethos, have their own money and join in on the usual work /life balance. Your world gets very small if you stay at home all day, other people can resent your wealth, you are simultaneously almost locked out of the working world as your original skills become outdated, and you want your own money and independence.

All of the people in big houses have a certain level of life strain too, aging, unavailable parents or spouses.

Big houses can be money pitts.

If you are 80% happy 80% of the time, you are doing well. Comparison is the thief of joy.

My parents fit this description, mum hasn’t worked since she had me (I’m 48!)
My mum is the busiest person I know - I have literally no idea how or why she is so busy, but she’s always telling me how much she has to do!
I would say she is happy, has lots of friends she sees regularly, can do or go anywhere she wants without considering cost & just generally has a nice life

I live in I guess a big house, I don’t have to work (although I choose to, as I trained a long time for my career). But, I would say my friends/family are happier. Husbands who are home normal hours, help with the kids, have weekends free for family time. My husband works long hours, weekends and is often stressed/tired when he’s with us. So, the grass isn’t always greener. I look at my friends and am envious. But I do know plenty of people work long hours for little pay, so we are lucky to have the benefit of the long hours = fairly good income. We do also have a cleaner and a gardener, so that helps with some of the annoyances that come with a big house. Also, neighbours are often quite snotty in bigger houses, we’ve had more problems here than any other place we’ve lived. Lots of discussions around keeping the area looking lovely (pointed comments about needing to trim bushes and water front garden grass), parking debates and noise discussions. Whereas my friends/family have lovely neighbours who help each other out.

Sounds dull as ditchwater to me. A lifetime of going to the gym, shopping and coffee sounds devoid of any real purpose. If I couldn't work, I would have to find a substantial volunteering role or something that I could get my teeth into and where I could make a difference.

It's lovely to have a few days off with nothing to do, but an idle life without focus, purpose or direction does not sound like a path to lasting happiness to me!!!

I have been in that position as an expat because I couldn't work. I hated it and nearly had a breakdown. I had to change careers so I could get back into the workforce. I resent it to this day.
I dont want a big house and an idle life.

This was me once- although rising costs of three kids in independent school and the house to pay for means I've had to try and restart my career after being a SAHM.
I now realise how lucky I was as I just loved being at home and having the freedom to be flexible. I was always busy, school runs, gardening, cleaning, paperwork, organising. I'm not the type to watch tv all day.
I'm miserable in my job now and wish life was simpler and we didn't have so many plates to spin and bills to pay...but those are the choices we made!

Good question op! I live in a 6-bed detached house (inheritance), semi rural. 2 of the bedrooms are part of an attached annex that my mum lives in. I'm not currently working as my kids are very young, but will do some self-employed work once my youngest is 3. We don't have much spare money at all. We're not struggling, but we have to really budget to afford a cheap holiday etc, don't have meals out really etc etc. I take the kids out everyday, but it's always free stuff, picnics in the park, walks etc. I'm the happiest I've ever been, even with limited funds. BUT, I was very happy in my previous crappy rented house too. What dented the happiness was the lack of security, and I didn't like the house. But I would still have described myself as very happy. Having room for my mum has increased my happiness now too. I have to pinch myself sometimes.

I’d love to live in a beautiful house but the reality is I just don’t care enough/ am not particularly motivated by how the house looks, interior design, decorating, choosing the right paint colour of the perfect picture to go in a certain spot. So as much as I’m envious of those who have more space (our current lack of space drives me mad I must admit) I think one of
those houses/ lifestyles might be wasted on me.

If you gave me the keys tomorrow though I’d not turn you down, would hire an interior designer and a decent cleaner/ housekeeper and crack on.

I work 3 days a week at the moment, sometimes more depending on what we have on. I was just thinking today actually (non work day) how much I was appreciating time in the park with my 3 year old and that it feels like I have the balance right for now. Will all change again when she starts school nursery in September although I’m still only going to send her 4 days and spread my 3 out over 4 so I can just work 9-3 and drop/ collect her every day - a real privilege and I’m lucky my work is so flexible.

We have a tiny house but we’ve paid the mortgage off and can afford for me to not be full time whilst our long awaited dc is still so little, I’m very happy to be honest. Far happier than when I was working full time in my previous career (teaching) but I definitely don’t think I’d be happy not working at all.

I'm in this position because our youngest is disabled and requires 24hr care.
I do not enjoy it but I am also aware I am more fortunate than some others who have the same misfortune as we are comfortable financially.

Money only gives us freedom, not happiness.

I think the same things make us all happy; being with loved ones, feeling as though we have purpose, and enjoying luxuries in life. Money only enhances your ability to do all those things. If you do all those things with little money, you're always going to be happier than those who can't do those things no matter how much money they have.

The people in those houses have lots of money, but they could be either of the above, and that is what will determine their happiness.

And if people in the house find purpose in staying at home all day, then they too will be happy, even if most of us wouldn't want to do that if we had the freedom to do so.

Houses like that always make the think of the TV show Butterflies.

I imagine sherry in a decanter on a GPlan side board, a Joules apron hanging on a hook in the kitchen and the only movement being dust motes in the air.

If you are content with your life you'll be happy. If a big house, freedom to do what you want when you want makes you content then you'll be happy. If working gives you a sense of achievement and you need that to be content then you wouldn't be happy in a big house not working. Everyone is different.

I enjoy looking at or visiting other people's nice houses but in the back of my mind I am always thinking about how much work it must be :)

This isn’t me any more, but it was for a few months. We live in a large, beautiful house, DH is very well paid and we have a housekeeper 2 days a week.

A couple of years ago I was struggling with too high a workload/ lack of flexibility in my professional work and decided to give up, with a view to being a SAHM with primary aged children. I hated it, resented the rest of the family for getting on with their interesting lives and was bored. It felt like a gilded cage, and the novelty of daily gym trips son wore off. DH saw how unhappy I was and supported and encouraged me to seek another role and I’m busier now (sometimes a bit stressed) but so much happier.

I absolutely love our house and get huge pleasure from being here. Never really want to go on holiday as for me nothing can top being at home. But I do work, have always worked, both DH and I earned a lot of money. That said, life presents other problems - work, kids, parents, etc., the full range that anyone has in their lives - so it doesn't mean life is a walk in the park by any means. But I do get huge amounts of pleasure from the house.

I was / am in this very fortunate position but was so bored that I went back to work full time.

I still enjoy the beautiful house and all the trimmings, but also enjoy being busy and have a purpose outside the family. I was in a dark place mentally when I didn’t work. I have friends in similar circumstances who don’t work, they seem very happy with their decision but it wasn’t for me.

Interesting comments on both sides so far ! I'm glad it's not descended into shame vs working mum as that's not the point of thread.
I hate the 9 to 5 slog...being tired...having too little space etc. Was the happiest I've ever been whilst on 10 months mat leave .. so I'd find stuff to keep myself busy like volunteering etc. But won't ever have the freedom to do so...