If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

I’m a bit like this. My husband is away with work a lot. My DD is four and won’t start school until next year (we aren’t in the UK) and my DTs are in school. I do a little bit of writing that I can fit around the children, but otherwise don’t work. We don’t have tons of money, though, so I do all the cleaning, most of the gardening, etc. I go to the gym every morning, where I can use two hours per day of free childcare while I do classes. That’s also most of my social time, because I’ve made friends there and we chat after our workouts.
I am generally pretty happy. I love being able to go to the gym so consistently, which I wasn’t able to do when we lived in the UK because I didn’t have childcare. Sometimes it’s lonely. We don’t have any family support here, so it’s a juggle to manage childcare for any evening events, and I hate always having kids with me when I need to go to the supermarket or whatever.
I would like to work again once my youngest is in school, but my husband’s schedule means that childcare really does fall to me most of the time, so it will need to be part time and maybe from home, if possible. I do think finding work will be an important part of figuring out who I am once all my children are in school.

I have a little two up two down in a bad area. Worked all my life and paid for it as a single mum. I wouldn't want anywhere much bigger but would like a hall and little piece at the front as my front door opens onto the street. Sometimes I wish I could just snap my fingers and magic my house into a better area. Houses like mine sell for at least £50k more in better parts of the city. Sometimes I feel like a real failure when I look at what other people have but then I remind myself that I paid off a mortgage all by myself and raised a child all by myself too. Working taught me so much about human behaviour and I have had a very varied and interesting working life, couldn't imagine how boring and limiting it would be not to work. I also think that if you don't work you could get obsessive about your home and keeping it picture perfect.

Bigger houses are harder to clean (we downsized drastically) and I would get bored.

I don’t work and have a very full and interesting life. No sitting in front of the telly for me!

But I did work full time with three young children and a constantly travelling husband, and deliberately quit because my big pay packet wasn’t worth it, the stress was enormous and our home is now far happier. And we can afford it. I am grateful every single day for it.

Please don’t assume it’s all spoilt trophy wives behind those gates.

I'm retired and my brain is just fine, thank you. It is possible to read and study instead of just pottering, you know. Also I don't have an ulcer which was the way it was going at work. No chance to drop hours (I asked).

I was this person .SAHM which I don't regret. But my now adult kids query why I did not pursue a career and contribute financially. They seem to think that my STBX was burdened with thus responsibility. Not true as I had a private income source and did do various well paid jobs to fit around them growing up.
However, now as an older divorced woman , I find myself relatively impoverished . To look at it nice house, nice car . But the income revenue to keep it going is dwindling and a source of stress.
So , in answer to the OP, I would much rather be in a smaller, paid for house with a loving partner and intact family.
Sometimes people are miserable but in comfortable houses.

I have a similar lifestyle . Have been sahm , sahw , run my own businesses and haven't worked for someone else for years and have pretty been financially secure .from the outside it looks like it's easy but a lot of full on organisation is going on behind the scenes . I still work but I just don't work for other people and I have plenty of quality free time and there isn't one thing in my life that I hate doing . I am truly happy with my life and I never feel jealous of other people's lives or success because that is their life . I tailor my life to suit me .

I wouldn’t choose not to work/volunteer as I think there is a link with not working and depression.

I think everyone needs some sort of meaning in their lives.

I don't know this tv show

I know lots of people in this situation and they all have different problems. Some (not all men) of those husbands and partners who work long hours and then can be arseholes when at home, either not pitching in with things or expecting things to be just so, or needing to
Do lots of entertaining:

One woman I know who has such a lovely house still covets things others have in the most extraordinary way; she literally has a Mansion and it's not enough...

My house is a bit of a squash and a squeeze, as we can't really afford to move and love the location but not the layout of our house but it's ours and it's homey. I would be bored out of my fucking tree not working.

I live in a biggish house and we could afford for either DH or I not to work.

In the phases where i haven't been working (various reasons) I enjoy about the first week then i become bored and unproductive. It's like when you have unlimited time, you waste a lot of it rather than using every minute as best you can. I quickly get very flat feeling when i look back over the day and it seems I've done little in it.

If it's the man funding her it's all fun and games until he divorces her or better still refused to marry her in the first place. Nothing you see is hers, she relies on a man to give her pocket money to lunch. Looks great but the reality is she could be in a council house in 6 months time without a pot to piss in. That's what I think. I'd rather own my own home and work for a living, even if I got divorced I could buy my husband out, I like knowing that I don't rely on anyone else (I am happily married though as it happens). A bigger house would be nice but you can only sit in 1 room at a time 🤣.

I have a "big" house, big garden. DH works, I don't and am at home with 2 under 3. No mortgage. I worked before kids, and was able to buy the house outright by myself.

On a good day... Yes of course I'm very happy, lovely husband gorgeous kids whom I adore and I love my home and pets.

Unfortunately due to crippling PMDD and severe ADHD my "happy" days are limited to certain times of the month. The rest of the time I'm totally overwhelmed and consumed by the thought that I am not now nor will I ever be good enough for anyone or anything, and will become a burden to my children as they get older. I know PMDD means these thoughts aren't rational or "real" but I'm deeply afraid that one day I'll lose sight of that and actually really will walk into traffic.

I know someone who's a housekeeper in that sort of house.

She has a lovely life and is very happy.

Her female boss doesn't work and also appears to have a lovely life. She organises a lot of social events, sits on a couple of Boards, does a lot with horses, goes on holiday a lot.

We live in a big house with a huge garden and tbh it's a permanent chore, always something that needs doing. Can blink and the lawn needs cutting again, but while you're gardening you're not able to vacuum... I miss going out to work because there I could take a lunch break and knock off at 5pm!

I don't work anymore. I love being at home, I'm never bored and I'm happy with my lot.

I worked a lot of years and I retired for this life as soon as I could. I did the career, stress, ambition. It's all worthless unless you have your health and your family.

I think it depends how you spend your time: I think keeping busy and social is critical, I am naturally an extravert and quite restless. There is no pottering in my world! I have always got university course on the go, I pursue several hobbies across sports music and art and take them all seriously. I go to the gym every day. I volunteer weekly as well.

My dad did absolutely nothing with his retirement and drank himself into dementia.

That meaning doesn't have to come from work though. Meaning doesn't come from an external source.

What do you do with your time and how do you make friends?

Do you not feel guilty that your DH is having to work long hours whilst you get to do whatever you want?

I guess your situation is different to someone who’s had no working experience and would struggle to get a job but do you not worry about your DH leaving?

No of course not but if someone didn’t work or volunteer, their kids were in boarding school and they had a cleaner and gardener etc it’s not hard to see how they could become depressed.

I’d absolutely love it for the first few months but after that I would struggle.

I hate HAVING to work FT and to juggle childcare and housework etc just to pay the bills but I love the feeling that work gives me.
I would even struggle to work from home FT as I like working with my colleagues.

I couldn’t imagine being super happy with a partner who works away or long ridiculous hours, big hours or small house. It’s just not the family life I want.

It's that "always on holiday-ey" feeling, isn't it?

I live in a nice big house and briefly gave up work to be a full time mum. What I discovered about myself is that I get a lot of my self esteem through my job! That is not something to brag about, I know it is a personal failing but it was a real shock to find that out about myself. While it was great not having the stress of working and juggling a home and childcare, I missed the buzz working gave me. I was lucky in that I could go back to work very part time and fit it in around my kids but my mental health took a real dive before that job got off the ground. I work part time now and I am trying to build it up - the thought of spending every day doing house work would honestly make me cry. I love my job and not doing it upsets me. I feel locked out of fairy land!

I have a big house. I work part time in a job I love. Yes, I'm very very happy.

I live in a large house (6 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms) and I love every square inch of it. I love the space and tranquility. I have no immediate neighbours and fabulous views. It is hard work. I don’t have a cleaner as I only work part time. I have studio space attached to my home where I work. I won’t be able to stay here for ever as it will be too expensive for retirement but meanwhile I make the most of every minute and know how lucky I am.

I sometimes dream of a bigger house but the reality is they are harder to maintain and I am a clean freak, and already resent the hours I spend cleaning our modest house (but can’t relax until it’s done!). I work term time only, currently off for the six week holiday and I haven’t stopped - after a clean and tidy up, I go to the gym, come home and walk the dog for a good hour and then it’s time for lunch and ‘project’ time is in the afternoon - current project is painting the garden fence and gates, next week I am decorating the hall, stairs and landing. I burn about 1000 calories a day, much better than when I return to work 😂 I need to work for the routine, interaction, stimulation and purpose in life. But I still like to daydream!