If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

This is so lovely to read. Despite various privileges it can be so hard for people to just be content with their lot. Savour every moment with your little ones.

@Noangelbuthavingfun

YABVU to demand that people DISCUSS!!! and you sound like a journalist!

I am in this situation- sort of.
We have a 4 bed detached house- not massive by some standards but some would consider it big. Own driveway, nice medium size garden. In the SE in a lovely village. 1/2 to London. Load and loads of stuff nearby.
Husband earns most of the money.
3 kids who are upper primary and secondary now.
I have been a SAHM which I always wanted to be. I did go to uni and got a profession but hated it. I never wanted to ‘work’ In the traditional sense.
In recent years I have found a very flexible part time job working for myself. But I can fit that I whenever I want- it just gives me a bit of extra income and keeps my mind ticking over.
The rest of the time I visit friends, walk, go places on my own. Get housework’s and decorating done, see family members.
I am there every day after school for my kids- homework, take them to various clubs, make food.
I absolutely love it. I am thankful every day how lucky I am. I’m not at all bored. Most days are busy.
The only thing I do worry about it money. Even though DH earns more than 100k (that’s before I earn anything) we still never seem to have enough to save much or anything left at the end of the month. We don’t have new cars or go on particularly fancy holidays every year so not sure where it all goes.

I live in a beautiful house and have a housekeeper and a gardner. DC are now in their late teens/early 20s. I don't work for medical reasons. I aim for a bit of structure - gym/volunteering and can meet up with friends to swim, have coffee or lunch, visit a gallery or go to a concert etc. I read a lot - often academic books and papers on subjects that interest me. I'm lucky as there are quite a few people in the same boat in the neighbourhood so we can do stuff together and I have quite a few newly retired friends. I can also head off to visit friends elsewhere when I feel like it.

I've met some really amazing people via volunteering and been to some amazing places - I'd never have had those opportunities if I'd been working.

I have a large house in a lovely area. I do not work and my DH is retired and does the occaisonal consultancy for fun. He is 72 I am 52.

We have this because DH worked in a high paying job for decades and I worked in an insanely pressured job for about 18 years. We decided to put all our spare cash into property and were lucky in that we started small and conservative and built it up slowly. We now have 2 rental properties in Chelsea, both mortgage free and we live in a cheap area so that brings in the money.

We did work, but our older son is very severely disabled and needs 24 hour round the clock care with someone being awake with him at all times. As we become less able he will go into residential care for his own safety. We are terrified of this. It will not happen just yet. DH is winding down with energy but I am still able to cope. But I have elderly ill parents and DH is much older so I am completely crushed by my caring responsibilities and scared about what the future holds for my son when I cannot care for him any longer.

Day to day, for now my life is pretty good. I occupy my day with caring tasks interspersed with netflix and knitting and ironing and sorting our lives out. I MN a fuck load. MN is my main source of social interaction. I can't readily go out and my friends, and colleagues are moving on and leaving me behind socially.

I am more than reasonably happy. I spend my life caring for the people I love. But there is always a background o anxiety because it won't last because there is only one of me and I can't go on forever.

This is my current life, whenever I have a bad day I always try to default back to how fortunate I am. Lot’s of opportunities and I get time, which is the one currency you can’t buy.

One of my fiends has a big house on a 3/4 plot next to the tennis club. They are also known for a lovely Christmas Eve party for select people. She does tennis, gardening, book clubs and lots of travel. Her lifestyle has basically been funded through a number of inheritances. Happy with her life but not necessarily with husband but she will never divorce as the house and garden mean everything to them and gives status.

Yes I am extremely happy. Raising my children, looking after the home etc and having the freedom to do whatever, whenever I want. I personally have very traditional values/relationship and consider myself very lucky! Although I can understand how people wouldn’t be happy without working. I am the only one in my friend group who’s a SAHM. I was a housewife before a SAHM. Can’t imagine my life being any different. I am truly 100% happy and more than fulfilled :)

I live in a normal house but I don't work and have secondary age DC. I bloody love not working. I never get bored. Money only makes you happier of the basics components of happiness are already there...so a happy relationship if that's what you want, health, nice family, etc etc. If you're unhappy, you'll be even unhappier if you're poor.

ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?

Yes. My happiness is not dictated by the size of my house or garden, or my job or lack of job. It's dictated by the fact that my family is healthy (touch wood), we can weather financial storms (so far), we adults are productive members of society who contribute more than we take (we believe). We are aware that we have a level of peace of mind that most people cannot benefit from - we are immensely fortunate and grateful, and our actions correlate to this awareness.

If you are...what makes you happy?

See above. And, probably similar things to you: your kids doing well at something; your young child laughing at something stupid; when the stars align and every family member is in a good mood at the same time and enjoying each other; seeing the fruits of your labours, whatever they may be; seeing other people's children succeed in life and set out into the world as young adults full of hope and ambition and energy; really good sex; really good food. The usual stuff.

If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

See above: same as everyone else minus the (massive) burden of financial instability.

I'm in this position and yes, I'm very happy! And everyone saying it's too much cleaning - if you can live in a big house generally you can afford a cleaner. I do obviously do some cleaning and lots of laundry because I have sport-playing kids, but I have a team of cleaners who come once a week and they do all the floors, bathrooms, change the beds, etc, otherwise I'd need to clean for about six hours a week and I don't really want to spend an entire day cleaning.

I never enjoyed working and have rarely had a job that didn't make me feel profoundly depressed after a while. I get bored very quickly, but most jobs require you to do the same thing over and over again, without making mistakes, for years. So I would become bored, then I'd mess up, get into trouble, start hating my job, want to leave, piss off my boss, etc. I never stuck any job for longer than a couple of years. Therefore, not having to work is brilliant! I get to focus on my fitness, garden, see friends, shop, go to museums and exhibitions, plan our holidays, read, take care of everything for my family so we can do nice things at the weekends. I never planned to have a life like this, I always thought I'd have to work and the thought of that filled me with dread, so this is amazing.

Yes I am that person too.

I don’t know about other people in my position but my life is too busy! I wish sometimes we would just move to a smaller house. We are very happily married, I have many animals that need caring for. I swim daily and I will finish my masters next year. We have time to relax, read, have parties in the garden and at home and an abundance of friends. My children have many friends here and busy sporty lives. I also volunteer - work unpaid in a sector that makes a difference to women.
We travel often and j suppose on paper my life looks beautiful and it often is.

It’s not perfect though. Nothing is perfect that is what I have realised. We all have the same problems as human beings..

The big gates are not my favourite as they shut people out, but we were advised to keep them by our security company, although our area is very safe. We have a period home and it needs a rolling rota of maintenance.

I miss the kinship of having immediate neighbours, especially in the lockdown. I sometimes feel pressure to host often, which is resisted because I need quiet space, and that is the most precious gift - time and freedom to choose in my view.

Working has never brought me happiness. Quite the opposite actually

I'm happy to daydream about the size of house/lifestyle a huge salary or lottery win would bring me.

But it doesn't matter really as I am a happy, confident and optimistic person. Having all the trappings isn't what makes you happy or not. Just look at mega wealthy 'celebs' with all their money, beauty and lifestyle, a huge proportion die young, have addictions, and affairs on an endless cycle.

You have to be at peace with yourself to be happy I think. My home is modest, I don't work now, children are young adults, if dh left me I wouldn't have a penny and wouldn't be able to work. I love my life. I see friends, craft, paint (and sell sometimes), slob around not doing much at all. I have a cleaner. It's calm, peaceful and conducive to good wellbeing. I'd only want a bigger house if I could have my own indoor pool.

I live in a nice enough house but I doubt it's anywhere near the sort of stunning houses you were talking about OP. However, I am a sahm and for the most part I'm very happy. I'd say the one thing that brings it down is the fact that I feel judged by others for not working so in that respect I'm not 100 percent happy.

I live in a biggish house in a rural area with some land and am at home most of the time. I love it. I worked long hours for years to pay off the mortgage and fix the place up with a lot of attendant stress. It is a relief to have that stress gone. I write books, so my brain doesn’t rot. DH still works, but not excessive hours and we spend the evenings together and always have our early morning walk in some beautiful countryside. What’s not to like?

Me and DH both work and are comfortable and happy, nice house, just a modest one. We often say if we won the euro millions that we’d have to do something, volunteer or start a business or something or we’d be bored as we are both only in our 30’s However I’d like the chance to find out 😂😂 I think it depends on the person or couple. Some people would be content to stay at home, some wouldn’t. Ideally I’d like to retire by 50/55and then have enough money to enjoy my life, children and grandchildren if I’m lucky enough to have them and hobbies and be mortgage free

I live in one of those houses 😊

We started with nothing. I set up my own successful business , and dh was high earning too. I sold the business and became SAHM when kids were born. I’ve loved being able to be with them when they were little & being able to go to all the primary school events (my own parents worked ft, so they could never come to stuff in the daytime & it always made me sad)
Now kids are at senior school, so I’m studying full time. Really loving it.

No cleaner, no nursery, no nanny, no wrap around care (no grandparents taking them off overnight either) but I do have a gardener
Yes, I’m happy

I used to walk past a house like that in the way to my friends house when I was a teenager. I always wondered what they did for a living to afford such a house. Whatever it was I was going to do it when I was older.

Anyway as a young adult I found out, it was a drug dealer who owned the house

I live in a village full of ladies living this life. From what I can see they go riding in the mornings, have a lunch with friends, then do hobbies like painting, tennis, gym/spa or pottery in the afternoons, or run hobby businesses like 'lifestyle counselling' or interior design. Yes, I wish I had the money to do what I want all day.

I also have two relatives in the same situation. One has thrown herself into it and is aware of how lucky she is. One is bored and feels guilty.

Money can't buy you happiness and people can have all sorts of problems behind closed doors though. Mind you, poor people can have all those mysterious private problems too, plus a whole shit load of others that would be solved with money, so I always find that saying rather trite.

I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but best of all would be rich and happy.

In my line of work I meet masses of wealthy women who drip diamonds/money and live in the richest parts of London with full staff etc, and the majority of them are miserable and clearly bored out of their minds

I don’t do any paid work and my youngest is 15yrs now. We live comfortably on DH’s pension. The house is big enough that we all have our own rooms to work in and a large open plan kitchen/living space to mingle altogether.

I sometimes think about getting a p/t job to increase my savings but my confidence is shot. I grew to hate my last job even though I was well paid and enjoyed leading my team and I accomplished a lot in my last role.

What I hated about the job was the bullshit Bingo from the 2 other female senior managers I had to work with. After I left, I heard that both of them had taken out grievances against other staff and they both eventually left, so I’m glad I got out before I really lost the plot.

I’ve moved house since then and have made lots of new friends here. I have a regular weekly routine with hobbies, meeting friends and my voluntary activities so I’m actually busier now than ever.
How would I fit in paid work? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, truly happy!

Can play music, paint, walk, enjoy life. Take children to all of their activities. No rat race. No shit from employers or work colleagues. Utter bliss.

I’d love this lifestyle! I work full-time (though on a phased return currently) and live in a rented 1-bed flat with my partner. We couldn’t afford anything more …Greater London!
I wouldn’t be fussed about the big house; a modest, but detached, place with a modest garden would suit me. But I’d love not to work. Could very easy keep busy with house and gardening, going out with/visiting friends and family, maybe a bit of volunteering. Even though I quite like my job, I conversely hate working (even more so since I’ve acquired a hidden disability recently - hence the phased return). Dislike the routine of it, being tied to a laptop/PC for so many hours a day = the stealing of my freedom to do what I want!