If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

OP specifically said not working though. That’s why some people are answering that they would be bored without working.

OTOH, without the need to make money would you have the drive to succeed, or would you be in danger of becoming a dabbler/dilettante?

I could quit my job tomorrow as DH makes enough. I still have drive. Probably because I have zero interest in getting really fit! And DC grown.

OP said without HAVING to work, which suggests no one is going to come along and make you quit. Unless you want to.

Exactly this. Some of the most professionally successful people I know come from wealthier backgrounds. Not needing to work, be accountable to anyone but yourself or “prove yourself” constantly can mean you are happier, more confident and as a result more successful than those forced to run the rat race.

Yes but I’ve never been interested in a career so we both win.

I’m not sure why some people can’t understand that we’re all different, and that some of us aren’t interested in ‘big jobs’.

I don’t need an impressive job title to make me feel good about myself whereas some people do; I worked with someone in a high rank who was open about looking down on the support staff, which wasn’t very impressive at all.

I’m also not the type of person who compares themselves and is jealous of others, which is what I think helps me to be happy within.

I worked for years and didn’t enjoy it, now I can focus on the things that I do enjoy - why would I want to go back to that if I don’t have to? If I need the money in the future then fair enough, it’ll be something I have to do.

I’m in circles where this is very much the norm for the wives. Broadly happy homes. All have small children at the moment. We are very, very fortunate to have the big house, garden, land, housekeeper, nanny, gardener, kids will go to private school when we get to that stage - I also work in a ‘big’ job though. I often fantasise about keeping the same lifestyle and income but not the big stressful job, it’s insanely busy and I often feel very overwhelmed, but when I’m realistic about it it wouldn’t be the same.

I’d remain very busy - as my friends are who don’t work - but I don’t think the ‘power balance’ or whatever you want to call it in our home would be as equal and healthy. I also want to be a good role model for my DD. DH said if I wanted to stop work I could when we had DC1. I didn’t want to and he said he knew I would say that!

I have this lifestyle but when DS started secondary school I returned to work two days per week as I didnt want to waste my education and training, I don't need and never will need the money but it helps give me a sense of self

Working the two days also helps me appreciate my down time but I wouldn't want to work mon - fri now

Why does anyone care??

If staying at home while your partner works and makes the money is such a great thing, why don’t more men do it?

Because it's not as socially acceptable, men get a lot for stigma. It's mainly a female privilege to have the choice although it's getting better very slowly.

But the job isn't a hobby lol. Most people just do it to provide a good family life.

This is my perspective. Do the minimum work for maximum enjoyment of life. I bet employers love the types with this self flagellating attitude of competitively racing to do the most work regardless of quality of life. Measuring their worth by the amount of time spent at a desk.

Personally, I love my job and I would never give it up for wafting round between coffee, gym, lunch on repeat all day every day. It would be nice to drop some hours though!

Also, I live in a very big but slightly delapidated, damp old farmhouse (so not the type you're describing at all!) But i would echo PP who said it's kind of inconvenient. So many rooms to hoover, (and so many miles to lug the hoover), so many windows, I seem to spend my whole life schlepping things from one end of the house to the other.

I love my big old house, but I don't manage to stay on top of it at all. Miles of skirting boards and windowsills that never get cleaned etc. So I can imagine it would take several hours a day if you had a lovely big house that you wanted to keep looking really good.

Exactly.

It’s also not as socially acceptable for the mother to be anything but the default parent which makes it difficult for women with children who do wish to have careers.

I remember once at a small gathering mentioning my absolute favourite road in the town I live with gorgeous architectural houses and how I'd love to live there.

One of my friends friend piped up that she did actually live in that street and absolutely hated the size of her house because her bedroom was miles at the back and her dad used to go there to sexually abuse her.

Another friend of mine lived in the most gorgeous massive house and absolutely hated it because her neighbours were absolute psychos who made their lives a living hell and the neighbour ended up going to prison for their antics.

So I'm quite happy with my average size happy home

Right now I'd love a big house and pots of money so I can work whenever I feel like it or not

I've had a big house and once the dc left home it felt empty and sad. We downsized somewhere with more of a community feel and we both work part time and I'm much happier. I don't like having rooms that are never used. I'd happily downsize again in another five years once I'm sure the dc are settled and won't all need to come home at the same time.
I don't think I'd ever stop working completely as without work you don't appreciate time off.

I didn't have to work before I had kids, but I did. I started work at 15 and stopped working full time at 19, then only worked part time out of choice.

The greatest thing about women in my country having freedom and choice is we get to choose not to work, and we're supported through it. We don't need to bring down other women for their choices, we should support them. Bringing down women isn't cute anymore.

We don't get the choice in the UK, unfortunately. Only the wealthy, of either sex, are able to look after their children.

I’m in this situation. It works for us as a family but not really for us as individuals.

I’ve got to do a whole bunch of things I wouldn’t have if I’d been working. I took a second degree in a subject I’d been interested in for years. I’ve had lots of time to look round art galleries and have lunch and do that sort of stuff, and I’ve recently taken up a craft that I really do love and find very satisfying. But I don’t feel nearly as fulfilled as I used to when I was working. I feel a bit listless and undervalued, at everyone’s beck and call, and financially vulnerable. My DH loves his career but he feels like he has all the weight of earning (he does) and our expectations are high. This has compromised his ability to take risks and the positions he’d love more over the positions that pay more. We would do things differently if we had our time over.

I never wanted this role, though. For people who do it might be a lot more fulfilling.

Totally agree aeaeae, I had a profession but I stopped enjoying it, so I stopped doing it. I have no interest in climbing the career ladder - I just like doing what I like to do, when I like to do it. My best friend is HUGELY career focussed and quite competitive with her husband - in the same field, and that’s great for her, that’s her thing, just not mine.

I'm 49 and have not worked since I was 30 (when I had our first child). Since then, 3 more DC, 2 dogs and 3 cats. We live in a large house in one of my favourite parts of Central London (which I chose and renovated)! It's worth about £6m and we have other properties too (U.K. and abroad). Sometimes I look around and think how did this happen - because my DH has always 100% taken care of the financial side of things (though all finances shared and everything in either joint names or mind for tax reasons). I sometimes feel almost guilty. But I have really given 100% to my family, I can say that! I don't regret anything and I'm never bored. Life is less intense now the kids are getting older, but I love that. As I get older, I will embrace the mad cat woman / yoga fanatic (and gin cocktails)! Also, we plan to spend more time in Europe.

Looking easy
Whats with the belittling ‘wifey’ and ‘these men’ comments? Why so snipey?
If one partner earns more than enough to keep the whole family and the other partner would prefer not to work but to take care of business and kids at home, that’s fine, it works for some.