If you have a big lovely house and you don't work.... AIBU?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Lighthearted ... walked the dog today. Walked a new route and into a lovely neighbourhood...private road... massive big houses with front gardens and even bigger back gardens...beautiful and houses I could only dream of.
So it had me thinking about what's inside .... of course this isn't reality for everyone but....answer me this:
If YOU live in one of these big beautiful houses (let's just assume it's whatever YOU consider to be big) and you have the lifestyle that means your partner/OH works...long hours let's say, but you have the kids and you get to shop or go to the gym daily, ho for coffee with your girlfriends etc... ARE YOU HAPPY? TRULY HAPPY?
If you are...what makes you happy?
If you are NOT happy...what's the reason?

I'm asking as it would be a fairy tale for me to live in a beautiful house like this, not having to work, but we never will and I have to work full time for our modest 3 bed semi. I'm jealous of you if you are lucky enough to have this lifestyle...BUT on balance I'm happy, so is the grass greener? AIBU to be jealous?

Discuss! And if you are in MY boat, what fo YOU think of this lifestyle ?

I live like that. Its not a mansion, but a nice house garden etc and DH makes enough money to support us. I was a sahm for 8 years when our children were little.
Now i “work” ~5h per week for fun.
I am very happy in this lifestyle and would hate to have a proper job. I did work part time 2 full days a week for a year when my youngest started school and i absolutely hated it.
I am so glad i have the option to stay home.

I dont really get bored because i know lots of housewives now and meet up with them for gym classes and coffee.
Now I tutor privately and make some money with that but its more of a hobby really.
I also volunteer a lot. I help in an animal rescue regularly with office jobs and manual labour like collecting item donations or food from homes/petshops and deiving it around.
And i volunteer at the council teaching english to refugees.

theres literally so many things you can do as a sahm, there is no way anyone can get bored! 🤷🏻‍♀️ People who work always ask if how i dont get bored and say they would hate this life, but i just think they tell themselves that to feel better about having to work all day 😃

I think a lot of posters here have 3 or more children which is a lot of work in itself.

I don’t have to work, I could be a SAHM but I don’t want to be one.

I found it dull on maternity leave and enjoyed getting back to work. Going to the gym, coffee with friends etc is great but I need my career too.

Exactly! Choice! :)

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here

Why do you think rich women have horses? That’s a job in itself!

I have a lovely home & could live this lifestyle (gym, ladies who lunch etc.) but I choose not to. No judgement, my choice totally but I enjoy my career and I'll continue to do it while I can and want to. I guess it's about choice. Life is probably overall easier with more resources, but not always. Happiness for me is about being authentic. I've come from very little and now have a lot more, but neither have defined me.

@LookingEasy I think you're missing the point. Children aren't commodities. Most people have children because they like the idea of actually spending some time with them and want to have a formative role in shaping their lives and character. Time spent with parents is well acknowledged to be good for children, especially in the early years. Different people will have different capacities and desires for exactly what this will look like. Surely true equality will happen when everyone gets a real choice. I am extremely highly educated and am very thankful for the choice I have had to work full time, part time and be a SAHM at different points since becoming a parent. That choice simply isn't available to most women.
The way to deal with the gender pay gap isn't to try and pretend women's lives and bodies carry on as before after becoming mothers. We need to give women the time, opportunity and money to raise their children in a way that is right for their family. This is likely to change over time. We also need to increase the culture of men taking flexibility to engage in childcare in a way that enables them to also be hands on parents and also maintain their careers.

It's lonely.
I'm a SAHM because of DS's needs, and childcare made him miserable. We're comfortable enough on DH's salary, and without family support, I found that when DH was away, I was stretched too thin.
There's not many SAHMs around my area, and because I worked through the nursery years and stopped in early primary years, I didn't get in with the school gate cliques. Daytime classes at the leisure centre and community centre are very retiree focused. My friends work, and out of school time, DS's social capacity is smaller than average so it's hard to socialise as a family.

It's not so big a house that it takes more than 45 mins to mow the lawn though 😁

I look forwards to the DCs getting more independent so I can do sociable evening activities for myself.

I've been in the position where I used to look at large houses and wonder what it would be like, I was happy with my lot though and didn'tfeel envious. I'm now in the large house and don't need to work, I'm equally as happy. I choose to work for something to do and a bit of independence, but I have the choice. Happiness comes from within, not the material possessions we have. Yes, I can say that and mean it, having had nothing, I was still happy like I am now.

I live in quite a large nice house. We have a very small mortgage and after I left work about 5 years ago I could comfortably stay home. (All 3 kids in school at this stage)

when my kids were babies I stayed home for a year with each, I used to take them out to playgroups and meeting with friends for coffee ect and it was fine.

however when I stopped work when my kids were older in school it was really bad for my mental health. I just sat at home and didn’t do anything. The house was in a state because I had no deadline to do stuff. I felt like a failure. No motivation.

I ended up going back to study and have a new job in a new field. Ironically now I have to work as I have since put the kids into private school so need to pay the fees. But it was really an eye opening experience for me, that having a purpose is important. Once all 3 are through school ( 7 years!) I will probably give up work not long after. However dh will also be close to retirement age, as he is older, so we will both retire. If it doesn’t work out I will just do casual work.

I’d spend the day swimming in the pool

hang out with other sahm's, yoga, volunteer 2 days a week. life admin/planning trips and sorting the kids. the only thing that bothers me is there's always someone here, housekeeper 4 days a week, PT 5 days a week, kids tutors etc. not moaning, I love my life.

Doodar we both work but have a large house/ land and having people about often bothers me a little too. It’s not as much as some, but gardener twice a week in summer, dog walker, housekeeper 3 days a week, often some random tradesman turning up to service/ fix something. It can feel like a cast of thousands coming and going. While it’s lovely to have lots of help, I don’t really enjoy that there’s rarely a day when I get back to an empty house (but I enjoy housework, gardening and laundry much less!)

I think this hits the nail on the head as did the comment that said "Better life-work balance is what a wealthy society should be aiming for, more time with family and friends rather than more at work. (Of course some people prefer work and that's fine, just that the choice doesn't exist at the moment for most people."

It also makes me wonder how much it impacts the younger generation trying to enter a career but having to compete with people who are one of two working parents but are already well off enough with just 1 wage. When I was working the workplaces were crammed full of these people and often with terrible attitudes to making the workplace better (arse kissing, overly competitive, 6am emails etc). When my DH was about to be made redundant I went back to work, and he ended up staying at home instead for 2 years. Then redundancy happened to me too.
We now plan to switch these roles for as long as we need someone to be at home with the kids. In 18 months, it'll be me travelling from hotel to hotel during the week and 'decompressing' at the weekends. Neither of us feel that we 'waste' our education when we're at home, and neither of us feels superior when we are the working parent.

Living in a fancy house is the result of many different reasons, whether you're happy in it and your own skin, boils down to your own attitude. Some people need external validation and others don't need it, to be happy. I'd think that everyone however, does need the choice.