Husband has been a heroin addict for a year - only found out now

[Pleasepleasehelpme123]

I wrote a massively long message explaining everything and it deleted and o actually just do not have it in me right now to write it out again.

does anyone have experience with heroin or been involved with someone who has?

I separated from my husband a year ago because he was useless, lazy and abusive. I left with the hope that it would give him the kick up his arse he needs to change. We have a 3 year old daughter. I caught him smoking heroin in a public loo. He was a heroin addict from the age of 16-18. We met when he was 22. He is now 32. In between that time he’s had issues with weed and alcohol.

I’ve told him I will give him the chance to get his family back of he gets clean. I’ve told him I will support him and get him through this but he has to never do it again. he is refusing to get the implant because he says he’s kicked the habit over ten years ago with the implant and he can do it again and he doesn’t want an operation for something to be put under his skin as a constant reminder of what he’s done. I think he’s bullshitting. He’s nearly over the worst of his physical withdrawals.

I have no experience with this but from what I’ve read online he will lie and say anything to get what’s he wants. I can see that it’s not even him I’m talking to, it’s like he’s been taken over by someone else. I terrified. I left him because he didn’t make family like nice, he made it hellish, but I can’t bear to lose him, I can’t bear for my chold’s father to be a junkie which is as good as dead or literally end up dead.

I’ve told him I’ll give him another chance to get his family back but I don’t think I even mean it. I’m just saying anything to get him clean.

plase if anyone has any actual experience with this stuff could they please message me. I need real advice. I have to say I tried for my child to spare them having a junky or dead father.

any tips any anything please I’ll be so grateful.

i don’t know if I can believe a word he says.

Forgot to add - when I caught him we eventually had a chat after a calmed down (I had a full on panic attack and retching etc) an ex he said he’s been taking it for a year. At first he would do a few days a week, then the beginning of this year it became a problem

You can’t ever trust him. Addicts lie. It’s what they do. You mustn’t give him a second chance or let him back into your lives.

I don’t have experience with heroin but a parent is a lifelong alcoholic and that’s bad enough. I think heroin must be an awful lot worse.

You can’t believe a word he says.

Realistically would he be getting clean if he hadn’t been caught? No.

Don’t let him near your daughter.

My dbro was a Herion addict he has been clean now for 20 years but it dominated his 20s. Its one the hardest drugs to kick. Took my dbro about 4 trips to rehab and my dm having a heart attack to kick the habit. I don't think its a case of just giving it up, he needs proper help and support in for a treatment centre.

Not heroin but addiction, addicts, destroy children so please put your child first and walk away. I can not express enough how damaging it's been for me myself being raised by a functioning alcoholic and a woman estate to "save" him. It's affected every single aspect of my life and I wish desperately that my mum had just the courage to walk away from my dad and have some sort of a life with me and my sister. Instead my entire childhood was a cycle of broken promises and my Nan having to step in to parent us as mum was so wrapped up with my dad that she barely noticed us.

My dad was an alcoholic and it’s scarring and traumatic- addicts rarely beat their addiction, you will spend your life worried about what might tip him back over the edge. My advice, get the fuck out for your child. His choices aren’t your responsibility but her safety is!

To add, the signs are there OP. Doesn’t want the implant as can do it without? No. Doesn’t want the implant because doesn’t plan on getting clean.

I can not express enough how damaging it's been for me myself being raised by a BARELY functioning alcoholic and a woman DESPERATE to "save" him.

I'm a bit confused by the timeline (did you know he was using heroin as a teen? Or is this new info?)

But you left him for being lazy and useless. That's WITHOUT an active serious drug addiction. You'd be absolutely mad to go back.

I have experience. He needs to want to do this for himself. No amount of other people wanting to do it for him will make a difference. The stopping is easy. It's the staying stopped that's the hard part.

HE has to want to get clean. You cannot make him do this. Walk away, protect your child. If he does truly manage to overcome his addition maybe he can be a father but don’t bank on it.

I’ve lived with a parent & sibling with addiction issues my whole life. Parent dead at 40, sibling dead at 32. Both Heroin & any other drug/prescription painkiller they could get their hands on. Both lied & stole their whole lives. You cannot have a relationship with an addict.

I've worked with clients who are addicts. Ime, they are incredibly vulnerable to relapsing, even after many years of abstention, and regardless of how much help and support they have.

I would walk away, and I would advise any friend or family member in your position to do the same.

Wow, I didn't know about naltrexone implants! Sounds brilliant.

Unfortunately, as the article acknowledges, addiction is more than the physiological effect. The implant's unlikely to make a lasting difference unless your addict has reached their 'rock bottom'. It doesn't sound like your ex has done, or he'd be miserably determined to break the addiction. I'd guess that he would seek alternative highs until the implant wore off.

Source: I was in recovery with a lot of opiate addicts.

I know you desperately don't want this reality to be true, but YOU can't do anything to change him. The drugs are his priority and first love.

All you can do is protect your daughter and yourself.

Do look at Nar-anon; support and understanding for families of drug addicts:-

https://www.nar-anon.co.uk/

Do you have Al Anon or something similar for families of drug addicts in your area? I’d start there for resources for people in similar situations (family not the addicts themselves).

That's not a lapse OP, he's been back taking heroin for over a year regularly, lying to you.
You need to protect your child and yourself, he is lying to you.
Most providers won't give Naltrexone implants without significant community engagement and usually residential rehab. Subutex, methadone or Buvidal are more likely.
He needs to get clean sustainably for himself. He doesn't seem motivated to do that.
In all honesty I doubt it's only been the last year.
Those I know in proper recovery, long term, don't drink, smoke weed, most don't even smoke cigarettes. You've said he also has issues with cannabis and alcohol. This is not someone who should be living with a child.

Walk away and log your concerns with Social Services to make sure he is never alone with your daughter

Put your child first. Stay away from him.

Just to clarify - me and my daughter do not live with him and he is never alone with my daughter. He only ever sees my daughter briefly for a bite to eat or something and I am ALWAYS there

I don’t have experience with heroin but have had relatives with alcohol addiction and others

You can’t believe a word an addict says

You cannot change him - only he can do that.

Your duty is to yourself and your daughter - I think you must stop telling him you’ll have him back because it’s keeping you stuck. He wasn’t a good husband or partner even without heroin.

Focus on your future with her, not your past with him. You owe her this. If he sorts his shit out your relationship with him will be a new one, and not an intimate one.

Go to a support meetings for families of addicts, leaving them to sort themselves out is much easier said than done.

Unfortunately you can't save people addicted to drugs or alcohol OP.

As much as you want to help him,you can't.
He really has to be the one to seek support.

The fact he was on heroin aged 16 is a worry. You can only do the best for you and your child.

Seek support for yourself.

I have experience of this, my ex started using heroin when he was 19, he hid it from me for a couple of years and by then he was completely addicted. He tried to get clean and I tried to help, I thought if he loved our children enough he would stay clean on the occasions when he managed to detox and get on methadone or subtext but every time he went back to it. He is 46 and still using, my advice would be to not get back together and give him the space to get clean if he can and rebuild his life. Most addicts can only do this by completely leaving there old life behind and by getting support initially from others who are in recovery. I have worked in a rehab and no one got clean for someone else, their recovery happened because they had had enough and didn't want to live like that any more and where willing and open to trying different ways of learning to cope with life and work on themselves.

I don’t think he stopped being a heroin addict. I think you had a child with a heroin addict who wasn’t using for a while.
It’s claimed many strong, clever, wonderful people, and you don’t mention him being any of those things.
You need to join a group for some real life support. Your ultimatums won’t work.

My brother was a Heroin Addict, he went through residential rehab in 1992. He’s had around 3 relapses since then, but has been free from drugs for about 10 years. He taken medication weekly that is (I think) an opiate inhibition, so if he took anything it would have no effect.

Addicts lie … they lie & lie & lie. Do not believe a word, it’s mostly rubbish. There is no halfway with quitting, he needs to do it properly, with proper support (preferably residential).

That “implant” Buisness is nonesense … If he was serious about giving up, he would be more than happy to take the implant.

His behaviour is his choice .. he is choosing not to access services to quit - there is nothing you can say or do that will force his hand. He has to make that decision. Keep you and your family safe, you don’t want dealers coming to the door looking for payment. Heroin is more important than you and your children, until that changes you need to limit exposure.