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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave the dc with DH both days this weekend?

312 replies

Teenytinyduckling · 09/08/2023 16:57

I’m feeling bad about it but I have had long standing plans at the theatre on Saturday with a friend and then Sunday it turns out a different friend is going to be visiting (lives about three hours away and not seen her for months!) as she is here next week for business and has asked if I fancy lunch and then a bit of shopping in a nearby city.

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Conversely he has had weekends away (not often but occasionally) since the dc were born and I’ve not ever had one! I won’t be away, just put Saturday afternoon and I suppose for several hours on Sunday but it will preclude me doing anything with him and dc.

AIBU to think it shouldn’t be that big a deal?

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 09/08/2023 16:58

It's fine. DH needs to get a grip.

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/08/2023 16:58

They are 8 and 14 so not like they'll actually need a ton of supervision. Tell DH to do one and go enjoy yourself.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 09/08/2023 16:59

Is this the only thing he's a d**k about or are there others?

Dinojump · 09/08/2023 16:59

Tell him he doesn't get to tell you what to do!

He's being an arse.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2023 17:00

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn't be married to this selfish, disrespectful, useless piece of shit.

YourNameGoesHere · 09/08/2023 17:00

TimeForTeaAndG · 09/08/2023 16:58

They are 8 and 14 so not like they'll actually need a ton of supervision. Tell DH to do one and go enjoy yourself.

Indeed. I mean I'd totally understand his point of view if they were toddlers but he's unlikely to even see the 14 year old except for when serving food and the 8 year old requires little supervision either.

Clefable · 09/08/2023 17:00

Of course that's not unreasonable. They aren't even preschool kids so how much looking after do they actually require? And it's a bit rich of him when he's happy going away for a weekend leaving you with the kids multiple times!

Maybe he can view it as a chance to spend some quality time with his children?

FishNetz · 09/08/2023 17:00

Your DH should get a grip I agree. You should go enjoy yourself

jeaux90 · 09/08/2023 17:01

OP remind him of this fact he's been away for weekends and you haven't.

He's being an arse.

rogueone · 09/08/2023 17:01

Your DH is being ridiculous. your DC aren't babies and this is isnt a regular occurence. If he was a decent partner he would push you to see your friend on sunday. The theatre I am assuming is in the evening so what is the issue?

Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:02

At 8 and 14 YADNBU

Don't get me wrong if DH had suggested leaving me with our DD for both days at the weekend when she was under 2 I’d be fuming but at those she’s surely it’s not as big an issue?

Nochoiceleft · 09/08/2023 17:02

Have you pointed out his complete double standards?

Original poster
Teenytinyduckling · 09/08/2023 17:02

we are both off Friday so we will do something then which will be ok.

Thanks - he’s having a massive sulk about it and I struggle to know if that’s fair or not because now I feel guilty. It’s not helped by my 8 year old crying if I go out and leave her with her dad.

OP posts:
Slouching · 09/08/2023 17:03

It is sort of pathetic that you have to ask OP?! What sort of weirdo did you marry? Of course it's not unreasonable to have a weekend to yourself - your problem is it's taken you so long to set aside proper time to yourself not he thinks you don't deserve it as you've never taken it before (why have you not??)

Tell him in no uncertain terms that you won't be available and if he has other plans (does he? or is he just begrudging yours?) then he will have to arrange childcare. Although at 14 your child can be the babysitter if required.

insane what some women have to put up with.

have a great time with your friends!

Original poster
Teenytinyduckling · 09/08/2023 17:04

It’s a Saturday matinee. We booked for afternoon because I thought it would be better for me to be home in the evening. So I’ll be out I guess from 1pm to about 5ish? It’s about a 45 minute drive to the theatre.
Then I’d like to leave to meet my friend about 12ish on Sunday and I guess I’ll be back around 5 again.

OP posts:
Lammveg · 09/08/2023 17:04

Sounds like you're about to have a lovely weekend away. Book a hotel on Saturday night 😊

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 09/08/2023 17:05

You are more than a mum, you are allowed your own life! You know he has had weekends away and you haven't. You just happen to have two social engagements on the same weekend. I'd have gone when mine were younger, never mind at those ages!! Go. Enjoy yourself. Stop feeling guilty.

JaninaDuszejko · 09/08/2023 17:05

Last weekend I worked all weekend so DH did everything (I was very apologetic!) and this weekend DH is taking our 3DC to stay with his Mum. So yes, I think your DH is being unreasonable, you are definitely allowed a busy weekend.

ladyvimes · 09/08/2023 17:05

He’s their father! Leave him to it! Knob!
My husband and I often leave the kids with each other on weekends if we have plans!

abcdefghijklmnopandthatsit · 09/08/2023 17:05

I presume we're talking years old and not months old here? If so, not only are you out both days this weekend but I think you'll find you have plans on at least one if not both days of several weekends this autumn!

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 09/08/2023 17:05

Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:02

At 8 and 14 YADNBU

Don't get me wrong if DH had suggested leaving me with our DD for both days at the weekend when she was under 2 I’d be fuming but at those she’s surely it’s not as big an issue?

Really?? It's pretty normal in a lot of families between work and custody arrangements that an adult is alone with their kids all weekend.

Caroparo52 · 09/08/2023 17:06

He's being a selfish prick.
Not a big ask ffs.
He needs a bit of a reality check.
Do go and have a great time and don't feel guilty.

Slouching · 09/08/2023 17:06

Also, don't be manipulated by the eight year old's tears. Mine used to do that. She soon learnt it won't work and she stopped. It's good for them to see you valuing yourself and your time - as clearly they're not going to learn it from your husband!

Thelonelygiraffe · 09/08/2023 17:06

He's being pathetic and a massive man baby. Of course YANBU! Go to both and have a lovely time.

What sort of loser can't even look after his own dc for the weekend?!

Paq · 09/08/2023 17:06

Your DH is being a dick. What a massive man baby.