To leave the dc with DH both days this weekend?

[Teenytinyduckling]

I’m feeling bad about it but I have had long standing plans at the theatre on Saturday with a friend and then Sunday it turns out a different friend is going to be visiting (lives about three hours away and not seen her for months!) as she is here next week for business and has asked if I fancy lunch and then a bit of shopping in a nearby city.

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Conversely he has had weekends away (not often but occasionally) since the dc were born and I’ve not ever had one! I won’t be away, just put Saturday afternoon and I suppose for several hours on Sunday but it will preclude me doing anything with him and dc.

AIBU to think it shouldn’t be that big a deal?

He sounds like a sexist, selfish and lazy arse, the way he is behaving toward you and DD is really off.

Stop being so apologetic and organising your time and minimising your days out to please him.

Because she’s not used to it? Because she’s a mummy’s girl? Because OP is not as strict as DF?

if I was him, I’d plant hidden cameras to monitor her parenting? That’s not an issue is it?

🤦‍♀️

Well obviously he can cope with two children for two days so I guess this is farrrrrr more about controlling his wife.
please do not put up with this shit op, it’sa form of abuse.
Tell him that straight, though he will gaslight you, you are absolutely not in the wrong.

What the fuck am I reading?

God OP, please call him out on his behaviour and hypocritical he's being. He's their father, I'm pretty sure that he can handle looking after his own kids for the weekend.

DP went away for a fortnight a few years ago and guess what, I managed to parent both my kids without the world falling apart. We had days out, we played a lot of mario kart, we argued because apparently I make them doore chores when Mums not there. DD even had her first period and we handled that too (although I will admit to some assistance from Mumsnet on that one)

I'm their Dad, they're my kids. I wouldn't have had them if I didn't want to spend time with them and enjoy that time.

Please stop feeling guilty about this OP, and for god's sake hold your husband to a higher standard. Ask him why the fuck he had kids if he has no interest in being a parent.

What have you decided to do @Teenytinyduckling

He is being selfish. Just tell him you are going ahead with your plans and to such it up.

They are HIS kids too and he is being ridiculous. Don't feel guilty. Just go and enjoy yourself and remind him of his weekends away that you have NEVER had!

I have similar aged children and I am just completely😮at this. The level of his laziness and selfishness! How on earth have you got to this

He's honestly pathetic. My wife often travels for work during the week so I solo parent the 3 and 5 year old for a couple days. Recently there was also a fun weekend away straight after, and I was more than happy to have fun with my own kids (eg go to zoo) so she could go blow off some steam, and have some her time.

The 8-year old crying when left with daddy though makes me sad.

Am I the only one concerned that your DC is sooo upset at 8 years old to be left with her dad? Is it only her dad she’s like this with or is she attached to you in general? If it’s only her dad the I’d be extremely concerned about what goes on whilst your out.

I've not read the whole thread but of course YANBU OP. However, part of me feels you have partly brought this on yourself by not ever taking any weekends away, so it's become the 'norm' that he does weekends away and you don't. How have you not gone away for a weekend with him & kids in 14 years?! Time to start planning some spa weekends / yoga retreats / hiking weekends / city breaks (delete as appropriate). DH and I always try to match up on leisure nights away each year so it's fair.

So what did you do in the end and what response did you get?