To leave the dc with DH both days this weekend?

[Teenytinyduckling]

I’m feeling bad about it but I have had long standing plans at the theatre on Saturday with a friend and then Sunday it turns out a different friend is going to be visiting (lives about three hours away and not seen her for months!) as she is here next week for business and has asked if I fancy lunch and then a bit of shopping in a nearby city.

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Conversely he has had weekends away (not often but occasionally) since the dc were born and I’ve not ever had one! I won’t be away, just put Saturday afternoon and I suppose for several hours on Sunday but it will preclude me doing anything with him and dc.

AIBU to think it shouldn’t be that big a deal?

just go
the only thing is have u put any restriction on him previously

your 14 year old shouldn’t need looking after

In all those years he's never had them for a weekend!?? That's shocking.

If I were you I'd get a hotel or AirBnB after the theater and have a relaxing night to yourself before meeting your friend the next day.

He's being a massive dick. The kids are old enough to need minimal supervision and you haven't done this in over 14 years!

Go out and don't rush home. You deserve to chill just the way your h did when he went away.

WHAT an asshole!

I would demand marital counseling on the basis of those statements to your daughter. That is fucking with her head right there. Please stop tolerating it.

Could the 8yr old go to a friend/relative?

When he told your daughter that you didn't stay there what did you say?

@Dillydollydingdong it's not "the whole weekend" though is it, and even if it were, the OP has already stated that he had done this more than once in the past. So no, your "gotcha" doesn't really work.

He needs to suck it up. The 14yo would be ok on their own, so it’ll just be the 8yo that needs entertaining.

Yes, @Aquamarine1029 is bang on. OP listen to this!

If Mummy has decided she wants to go out, that is fine, and DD needs to understand that too. She shouldn't be crying because you are going out, that's ridiculous. Does she manage ok at school?
The sooner you show both her and DH that you are an independent individual, the better. How did things get to this stage where they are do over-reliant on you?
Don't let DH get away with being so manipulative, call him out in front of the DC- you are entitled to go out and really DD1 is of an age to look after the 8 year old even if DH had his own plans.
You need to go out more, not less. Mummy having an independent life should be an unremarkable thing.

I honestly find this mind blowing.

What a sad view of spending time with your children, it's being a parent not being saddled with anything

Not only is he being very unreasonable for what is effectively two afternoons out he is being an awful father to your DD if his sulks are weaponised to make her feel worse about you going out rather than help her be happy in your absence. What a dick. He is trying to make you feel bad about going out by using her attachment to you against you and her. No wonder she doesn’t want you to go out! That would really make me consider my options.

Why should a friend or relative have to look after her when her own father is available??

‘Show him the thread!’ is always terrible advice.

OP your kids are growing up thinking this vile example of a man is normal, aspirational, you’re teaching them it’s normal for a male to control women, that a mans wants are centred, that men don’t parent. They’ll be damaged by the man using them as weapons in his triangulation. It’s not funny, and it’s not acceptable.

I'm sure the other posts have been unanimous in saying this, but as there's no like button for posts...

Your opening post is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

What is the big deal? Different if it was every weekend, but it's not.

Both husband and child sound pathetic.
Enjoy your weekend OP

The big deal is the man controlling the OP, refusing to parent, and damaging his kids by using them to manipulate the OP.

They don't have to they can say no!

Just thought it might be nicer for the 8yr old that being with her useless, nasty shit of a father!

Why not read the comment chain before replying in future.

I'm assuming he's not their dad?

Tell him to belt up.

And also tell him to stop manipulating your children.

I think you have bigger problems than wondering whether you should have the weekend to yourself( obvs you should). Why does he get to decide how you spend your time? They're hardly kids, are they? Remind him of all the times he's taken off then tell him it's not a request.

What a dick.

Have you asked him why he's allowed weekends away and you're not allowed even two afternoons in a row without him sulking and complaining?

Presumably you didn't act the same way when he's been away?

Are you the DH?! 🙄