To leave the dc with DH both days this weekend?

[Teenytinyduckling]

I’m feeling bad about it but I have had long standing plans at the theatre on Saturday with a friend and then Sunday it turns out a different friend is going to be visiting (lives about three hours away and not seen her for months!) as she is here next week for business and has asked if I fancy lunch and then a bit of shopping in a nearby city.

DH is not impressed. I can’t remember this every happening before - dc are 8 and 14 - DH is saying I need to decide what I want to do most because I can’t have both days.

Conversely he has had weekends away (not often but occasionally) since the dc were born and I’ve not ever had one! I won’t be away, just put Saturday afternoon and I suppose for several hours on Sunday but it will preclude me doing anything with him and dc.

AIBU to think it shouldn’t be that big a deal?

I saw the title and thought you meant two full days, all day or away for the weekend .... which obv would be absolutely fine.

But two afternoons!! Bloody hell, your DH is well out of order. How come he gets to go away for the weekend and you don't! You've never been away for a weekend in over 14 years! You need to start planning one.

What is he like generally at home/as a dad ... I can't believe this is a one off.

I went abroad on a hen do when our twins were 3 .. Fri-Mon .... DH was fine. My mum had strong views about it ('abandoning my children') but it was none of her business. It does them all good to crack on without you now and then.

What he says to your 8 year old is really manipulative and I would be fuming

Your husband is a massive dick. Let me guess, he does no housework or parenting and has a hobby that gets him out of family life on a regular basis?

Since my son was two I've been going for a weekend away a couple of times a year - sometimes to stay with my parents, sometimes alone in a hotel. It's bliss. My partner encourages it, he knows I need a bit of time to myself. Having two social engagements in one weekend would be a complete non-issue.

Because he hasn’t hesitated to go away alone for entire weekends? What’s sauce for the goose …

Just remind him he’s had weekends away and that you didn’t plan this and he’ll cope.

Then crack on.

Of course YANBU

Your DH is and is an arsehole

what reason does he give for why he can have a weekend doing his own thing and you can’t?

i find it weird that he uses and upsets his daughter to make a point and also that your daughter can’t bare to be with her own father for 5 hours.

Your husbands behaviour is concerning. Saying to your younger child about you going out and not wanting to stay is a controlling, manipulative tactic. He’s trying to limit your independence as a grown woman and creating anxiety for your child whilst he’s at it. Don’t let this nonsense go on any longer. It is not unreasonable to spend two partial weekend days with friends.

Who voted unreasonable?
I wish the arsehole/s would explain why - perhaps its DH !

Seems like you’ve married a dick op; lot of it about on here - ltb

The 14 year old can watch the younger if he needs to go out, what's the issue?

yanbu!

I could understand if it was sprung about him, he had plans too and they were young dc…. Maybe.

but they’re old enough to keep themselves entertained if he’s incapable. It sounds like a whole weekend is a rarity for you but something he’s enjoyed before.

Remind him he'd be doing an awful lot more 24/7 sole care if you leave him because of his attitude and childcare becomes 50/50.
He needs to be careful he doesn't shoot himself in the foot here.

show him this thread @Teenytinyduckling
He's being pathetic and cruel

I genuinely can’t see how anyone could think that you are being unreasonable op

if you split up he’d be solo parenting every other weekend…

Not all Dads consider spending the day with kids as being “saddled” with them. Some even enjoy it!

It’s very sad that your DD is crying because her DF is going to look after her for the afternoon. He doesn’t sound a nice man at all.

Your husband is an inadequate, spiteful wanker.

For comparison, my kids’ dad looked after parented them 3 evenings a week, all day Saturday, and - because he was a teacher - most of the school holidays whilst I worked. Alongside that he did whatever housework and other everyday stuff like shopping, gardening, and household admin cropped up. My son has just whipped his kids off on a short break because their mum was at a festival, and has taken half the summer holidays off (he’s self employed) as she’s working.

You need to raise your expectations.

Time to book a hotel for yourself for Saturday and not come home in between seeing your friends. Tell him that you were reflecting on the fact that he has had a few weekends away since you had children, while you have had the kids solo. But you never have. So you thought you were long overdue a weekend break too.

i reckon you’re bang on here @Aquamarine1029

You've never had a weekend off from your family in 14 years but he has and more than once too.

Not only should you go out but you should book yourself an evening in an hotel too to enjoy yourself and have time to yourself.

My husband wouldn't have an issue with that;the first time I had two days and a overnight off we had 4 kids under 7;guess what?;he was fine as were the kids.

Your husband is a selfish prick.

I think you should write a list of every time he's been away for a whole weekend and read it out to him.

@Wowsharona "If you can avoid it why would you want to saddle your partner with the kids for two days in a row?"

Joking, right?

Wow, that is very manipulative! What a dick!

This is so sad. You should be able to live your life without being made to feel guilty for doing so. Your husband sounds really controlling - what is he like the rest of the time?

For context, I have more than one weekend away every year (in fact I'm away this weekend with friends!) and my husband doesn't even question having to parent alone. He does the same too and as our parenting is split pretty much 50/50 our child isn't bothered at all.