Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

Sorry: last quotation was meant to say "Well I imagine they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I was devastated when I lost my parents but yes, the money was a handout/windfall, call it what you will.

I see what you mean about having the person back rather than the inheritance but plenty of people lose loved ones and have no inheritance so if someone is a little envious it’s naive to assume they’ve not experienced loss too.

People have said that to me. I'm so lucky to have had half a million pounds inheritance. Yup. That's right. I'm so lucky both my parents died when I was in my early 30s. So so lucky I have no siblings or close family left that i needed to share it with. I think it must be jealousy really. Can't think of another reason why I'd be considered lucky in that situation.

I don't think anyone is saying that you wanted x or y to die, only that inheritance isn't money you earned, and really it is a hand-out.

I stand to inherit a huge amount myself, I'm not jealous, just telling the truth. It's unearned and, objectively, unfair.

Inheritance is a massive advantage in life though, significantly so if it is a large inheritance. Half a million is more money then many people will ever see.

That doesn't make the circumstances you get it any less sad but sad circumstances doesn't mean it isn't a financial privilege to be left a lot of money. Its easy to say you don't care about the money when you have the money.

The very sad fact is that all our parents will die one day. I am fairly sure if given the choice between our parents dying and us not having enough to cover the funeral and our parents dying and us inheriting half a million we would all pick the latter. Its a big help in life and generational wealth adds to big financial inequality. It is understandable people dont pretend its not a privilege just because of the sad circumstances.

I agree that it can be a hugely tactless thing to say to someone who is bereaved.

But the alternative to getting an inheritance isn't everlasting family members, it's bereavement without the money.

People are just as sad about losing family members who don't leave an inheritance; you can't pretend it's not preferable to be in your shoes.

"I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money."

Well that pretty much sits at one extreme end of the situation, the other being :

"I don't give a damn about my Dperson and would rather have the cash".

For most people it is probably somewhere inbetween those two points. Yes a lot of people may prefer to have the relative back, but that isn't exactly realistic as people don't rise from the dead, and the inheritance can often make life changing improvements to peoples lives.

Yes I can see how some people can feel bitter about not getting any inheritance when they see others getting things handed to them. The grass often looks greener from the outside perspective.

Unfortunately It's part of the lottery of life. If I ruled the world I would reduce it by having high inheritance tax, but judging by the other threads on here that wouldn't be particularly popular either.

I'm in line for around half a million inheritance shortly, but I do try and separate the money from the fact my mum has died. So my mum dying is shit, awful and I wish she hadn't, all that stuff. But everyone's parents die eventually, so I am lucky that she was able to leave me a substantial amount of money when she died, as many people don't get that. I am not lucky she has died, but I don't think people are really suggesting that. It's almost like two separate things, I think.

That said, I don't know who people are who would ever say something like that to anyone anyway. I wouldn't comment on anyone's inheritance unless asked.

The fact is that every adult loses grandparents and parents. Those that inherit money are lucky. It is a windfall and is unearned. All I inherited was a few debts and had a funeral to pay for. Still lost a parent.

Well, both my parents are dead and I didn’t inherit a penny. In fact my Mum’s very sudden death last year left me several thousand pounds poorer. So yes your friend’s Dad who inherited half a million pounds, even under painful circumstances, is considerably fortunate compared with those who inherit fuck all.

My Dad died when I was 29 and my Mum died when I was 36. I didn’t inherit a damn thing. Wanna swap?

I'm sure most people would rather have the person they inherited from than the inheritance, but pretending that an inheritance doesn't give you a massive advantage over those without one is daft.

I've seen similar to this thread a few times on mn and, tbh, I find it insulting the other way round. Because it neglects to recognise that almost everyone grieves when they lose a loved one, regardless of inheritance and almost seems to infer that the loss of a rich relative is somehow more upsetting than the loss of a poor one.

To twist the saying: you can be rich and grieving or you can be poor and grieving. Rich is better.

Yabu. We all will lose people. It will cause us all a whole lot of pain. Of course being pain free is worth more than money and people wouldn't sell their relatives to get money, they would trade the money in a heartbeat.

I don't think using grief to cover up the fact you have a huge financial advantage in life is appropriate though and means that nobody should address it. Many people lose the only people that are close to them and end up with nothing except their funeral debt.

So when people try and use their grief as an excuse why others shouldn't question their unfair advantage to make them feel better, it just comes across to me as very ignorant.

I am sorry for any pain and grief you may be suffering though.

I'm set to inherit around £250 - £300k. I'm mid forties and mortgage free. I've worked hard to be in that position and it was without any financial help.

Yes, I could potentially purchase a nicer home in a nicer area. But I'll probably stay where I am, I'm happy here.

I will use my inheritance to ensure I'm comfortable in retirement and help my DC onto the property ladder.

Yes it's sad I've lost close family members, but I consider myself very lucky to be able to have financial options for the future. I fully appreciate not everyone is in this situation.

Most of us have lost someone we love and grieve in the exact same way as you have, but we don't all receive inheritance.
At least someone who inherits £500k after losing a loved one won't also have to go through that grief whilst trying to put food on the table.

I've gone through awful grief whilst being homeless with 3 children one with cerebral palsy and epilepsy. If I'd received £500k it would have helped my children for the rest of their lives.

Try going through grief AND poverty at the same time and come back to me...

But it is a massive privilege if you are lucky enough to be in that situation. Money brings freedom and choices which can sometimes be taken for granted. It can also bring confidence, better education, better healthcare and reduces health inequalities - who wouldn't have that if they could?
I know someone who inherited enough to stop work mid-30s and still live an affluent middle class lifestyle, but is really disparaging about people who live in modern estate houses saying they have no taste or style, and doesn't understand why people don't have the option of not working because there is no other way to put food on the table.

As well as trotting out the "oh I wish my parents were here instead of the money".

Given that no one is immortal I'm sure that some of us would rather inherit wealth when our parents die rather than inherit nothing, because either way, the parents are deceased.

If I could inherit a pile of money then I would not have to work until I am 67. By then I will have had a job of some sorts for 55 years.

I've benefited from a substantial inheritance. I recognise that I am incredibly lucky. It is a massive hand out; of course I didn't earn it.

Death is inevitable - in my case it was a grandparent who I was very close to but was very, very elderly and, in a nutshell, it was their time to go and they'd had enough. Of course I'd love to have my grandparent back - but only if they were in good health and not miserable as they were towards the end. Life, unfortunately, doesn't work like that.

Being left something when you're bereaved is the lucky element - death is inevitable, but inheritance isn't.

YABU. It IS a handout.

Yes, but most people loose their parents and don’t get any inheritance. Surly they would like their loved ones back too.

So, yes! Having an inheritance does make it easier, obviously!

This, absolutely. OP, you seem to be equating losing a parent with inheritance. Many people suffer the same loss without getting any money. No one thinks it 'compensates' for bereavement, but imagine being just as heartbroken, with exactly the same acute money troubles you had beforehand. That's how it is for most people.

Those loved ones are still going to be dead. Inheritance does make life easier. It might mean you can retire early. It might mean you can take some extended leave from work while you deal with your grief. It might mean you can put a deposit down on a house or buy a caravan and have weekends in your favourite place. All of those make dealing with grief easier. It doesn’t stop the pain but it does give you time to breathe. It gives you options if you need them.

In the case of your friend’s dad, he’s lost his elderly parents very close together and that is hard. However, he can probably retire at 60 and he might be able to take your friend on a family holiday, enjoy some time together while he’s still young enough and use it as a healing exercise during their grief. The alternative, as you say he’s very working class, is probably working for another 10 years, even if is health isn’t up to it. Retiring when he his health is too poor to continue to work and at which point your friend probably becomes a carer. They might end up leaving work to care for their dad. Or their dad dies shortly after retiring.

Sorry, I should have probably phrases this better, I was referring more people who lost their loved one earlier than expected and not through old age.

So someone in their 20s being orphaned but "it's okay as they have money now".

And I understand the "loss with inheritance VS loss without inheritance" being different. I was referring more to "loss with inheritance VS no loss and no inheritance" argument.

Surely the man in his 60s knew his parents wouldn't be around forever. It can't have come as a shock they died. Inheritance is a windfall/privilege, it doesn't mean the recipient isn't grieving but it's certainly something to be grateful for.

It's also natural to find yourself a little envious. Of course someone being able to buy a house mortgage free is a huge privilege however they got the money.