Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

@LittleMissUnreasonable

Of course it's a handout. You haven't worked for it have you? It's an inheritance.

Also, whilst it seems a bit harsh for someone to say 'it's all right for some!' They are entitled to say that IMO, as many MANY people lose loved ones - parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc - and get NOTHING in the will ...

So someone who has lost a loved one and got a big inheritance certainly has an advantage over them! As pps have said, better to be grieving and rich, than grieving and poor!

I have lost my parents and so has DH. We got naff-all inheritance. 2 colleagues of DH lost their mother and grandmother respectively, and got £150K and £225K inheritances. So yeah, we did say 'it's all right for some.......' We all lost our parents, but they got a massive bunch of cash dished out to them, without having to earn a penny!

My mum died when I was11, my dad died when I was 32.I was left nothing, not a penny, because they had nothing. I would rather have had them in my life for much longer, would I have been grateful if they had left me half a million? Yes. Would it have made my life easier? Yes.
It's quite possible to miss a loved one, but be grateful for the money. To be sad, to grieve, to be in distress, but to know that you are also fortunate.

I inherited quite a lot of money and shares from my Mum but I'd have gladly given double the inheritance to get my Mum back for just.one more year. I gave a lot of it away to my children anyway.

Yep I got an inheritance on my 18th birthday which was enough to put a deposit down on a house - it wasn't much around £1000 but the house only cost £7500. But the number of people who told me i was lucky to get that money - yep my Dad dying at 42 when i was 12 makes me so lucky.

When my Mum died just before Covid at 84 i got another £1500 - my luck never ends!

Also, whilst it seems a bit harsh for someone to say 'it's all right for some!' They are entitled to say that IMO, as many MANY people lose loved ones - parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc - and get NOTHING in the will ...

Out of interest, would you say the same about someone who got compensation for losing someone in an accident?
Say someone who lost their husband or even a child in let's say a medical negligence accident? They got 1 million in compensation. Would you say well even though their husband/child died it's alright for some! MANY people lose their husband/children and get NOTHING!

It is free money. It is a huge windful. People who recieve inheritance are, all other things being equal, hugely privileged over those who don't. Their grief is no greater than those who recieve nothing, and they recieve a significant sum of money they haven't worked for which puts them in a better position than those in similar circumstances who don't inherit.
These are undisputable facts, so why take offence when they're pointed out? I agree is crass if its framed as compensation for the recently bereaved, but I've never seen that.

its an inheritance. if you are fortunate to receive it it means that the deceased thought about who to leave the money to. is it free money? yes to the recipient but someone had to die. In my partners case it was someone much loved and who died early. None of the beneficiaries knew they would inherit anything and they expected the deceased to live longer.

Yes I know how you feel. My younger sister didn't have her children until after Dad died. She has told me several times she wishes Dad could have seen her children. I feel bad for her because he saw my 2 eldest and had a brilliant relationship with them, and I know she envys that, but he never saw my youngest.

Well I suppose it only really seems fortunate to get an inheritance if your parents were 90 when they passed rather than 40.

People who have get any kind of inheritance are incredibly lucky, as a lot of people don’t / won’t get any kind of inheritance at all.

Unfortunately the people who passed away were going to pass away anyway, but it’s much more beneficial that they could leave money behind, rather than not.

I am always baffled by people who say they had to get their inheritance in a horrible way because someone had to die. Well yes, but they were going to die anyway. It’s better they had money to leave behind.

Well it obviously depends on who it was who died, their age, the circumstances etc.

A friend of mine lost his Dad to cancer when he was a student, and his Mum to cancer about 10 years later, so both his parents were dead by the time he turned 30. He inherited about £100k but he'd have given anything to have his parents back.

Another friend of mine lost her Gran when she was a student. Her Gran was much loved, but was very old, had had a wonderful life, and died peacefully of old age. My friend inherited enough to buy a house outright at age 19, which she acknowledges was a massive leg-up (as her Gran had meant it to be).

DH inherited our house. We were renting and it was unlikely we would ever get on the property ladder.

I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads that is ours, especially when DH had a long bout of ill health and lost his job. And I am grateful that we have a home to leave our DS when the time comes.

But I miss MIL and FIL so much. They were wonderful people and I would happily have rented for many more years to come if we could have had more time with them.

Sometimes people can be pretty crass referring to the money to the person who lost someone. And talking about inheritance as though it were compensation for loss of a loved one lacks empathy.

However, inheritances are handouts/windfalls. The loss of the loved one doesn’t stop it being that.

Also, whilst it seems a bit harsh for someone to say 'it's all right for some!' They are entitled to say that IMO, as many MANYpeople lose loved ones - parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc - and get NOTHING in the will ...
This just shows you up to be a supremely bitter and nasty person

YABU. The loss of the same whether it comes with free money or not.

In fact often it’s worse as there are more hoops to jump through in terms of maintaining stability, families may lose homes or an income etc.

Ive inherited twice, from my husband, and my parents.
My husband died suddenly when my kids were small, and it saved us. I had to sell our family home right away, but with the equity I was able to buy a (much smaller, in a less well regarded area) without a mortgage. He made all his own money - as did my parents. When they passed I invested my share in a flat in London which I rent out. The income from this is my bread and butter money.
So absolutely it has been an advantage to have the inheritance, but I'd give it all back in a nanosecond to have my husband back.
My parents - well while my Dad did go before his time, my mum was 89 and not well. I think her time had come. The inheritance from them gives my single mother sister, who has a disabled child who will never live independently, some sense of security. Their lives would be very much worse without it.

Of course someone who inherits lots of money is advantaged and of course someone who loses a parent (especially early) would rather have their parent back (in most cases). Both things can exist. I lost my parent aged 22 and inherited £15k. I obviously would have done anything in the world to have my dad back and not have the money. However having the money (and I appreciate it’s not lots) helped me more than not having it and I put it towards a deposit on a house. Both things existed at the same time. I was unluckier than most that my dad died young and luckier than some in that I inherited some money I suppose.

My parents are both awful id rather have the money but i wont get any.
what category do i fall into ?

I was referring more to "loss with inheritance VS no loss and no inheritance" argument.

I don’t think anyone in your examples was making such a point, and I don’t believe anyone would.

Inheritance doesn’t make up for loss of a loved one but it is money you haven’t worked for - essentially a hand out. But of course it doesn’t mean that someone’s loss is less severe

I was orphaned at 20 while at uni and didn't get a penny. I had to deal with the grief and worry about how to feed myself.

I got into a lot of debt and was only able to buy my first home aged 37.

So yeah, inheritance is a privilege.

I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

I'm pretty sure most people would want their relative back BUT definitely do give two hoots about the money.

I lost my dad to cancer when I was 12. I got nothing. He was so young when he passed he had no time to accumulate anything anyway.

By this reckoning I’ve lost twice.

THIS.
I lost my dad in the worst imaginable way.
zero inheritance.
Of course I would prefer my dad back over anything but to have lost someone AND have nothing, of course makes people (myself included) bitter.

I get what you're saying but I think YABU.

It is very hard for anyone to lose a loved one. Even more so when they pass "before their time". That is true whether they leave an inheritance behind or not.

People who inherit are still fortunate to be in that position in comparison to people who have lost loved ones without any inheritance. And that is the only valid comparison.

Of course, most people would prefer to have their loved ones instead of the money. That goes without saying. But that's not really the point that people are making when they say that people are lucky to have inherited. They categorically do not mean that people are lucky to have been bereaved.