Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

I think I get it OP. My daughter lost her dad aged 8, as it happened every pension and life insurance managed to wriggle out but we survived. It was sudden, it was catastrophic the impact it had on our lives and also the sudden ending of how our future looked. Everyone I know in this situation would want the life they had and the future they planned rather than a lump of cash. In these circumstances you are not lucky, you are compensated and it is not a massive windfall- it is the money that hopefully would continued to be earnt and support the family if that person was still alive.

The financial and emotional impact on children who loose a parent in childhood is huge. There is no safety net, if the other parent is working and earning an average wage then you are down to one income, no support. It is shite, even of your house is paid off, and loads of jealously around that, you are responsible for all maintenance on top of everything else and on one wage it is hard.

Any inheritance I may have is currently going down by £9000 a month in care home fees which is fine. DP is being well looked after, has dementia and has done for several years but is physically as strong as an OX. Their money and it should totally be used within their lifetime to meet their needs.

Sorry, I've not read the whole thread.

I know people who have inherited a lot of money but act like they worked hard their whole lives.
They don't want to admit they have done nothing for some reason. I just think everyone knows where your money came from stop lying.

I understand what you mean however when I die I sincerely hope that my children & grandchildren will use & benefit from any money I leave them.

It IS lucky to start out in life with parents who do sweat to earn, and their parents maybe passed on inheritance too. Put simply, not everyone gets that. Some of us inherit generational wealth and some inherit generational trauma. You don’t choose who your parents are.

Sweat to earn is such an insult to those of us who didn't inherit anything but had hard working parents. People here really need to choose their words carefully.

Like this comment about people who didn't inherit are bitter. So im bitter am i? I wouldn't have swapped my parents with anyone here left a million quid. But dont tell me that million quid didn't make a difference.

This thread is descending into gloating and baiting others.

It’s an insensitive thing to say, and of course you’d rather than your loved ones than the money. But many people lose their loved ones and get nothing in inheritance. I prefer to separate this out in my mind: ‘it’s terrible to lose the ones you love’ AND it’s lucky to inherit some money to ease the struggle’. They can be two separate issues and dealt with kind of separately, no?

*TBF there are younger people who are this stupid too. It isn't just boomers and the Silent Generation who think pointing out structural advantages is some kind of personal insult

It's so weird it's taken as some personal attack*

Seriously, I don't think anyone has tried to say structural advantages don't exist. I think many posters are confused why certain posters are splitting hairs over semantics and insisting on continuing to use terms with clear negative connotations like 'privilege', hand out', 'luck' and 'free money', which don't seem to offer any constructive purpose to this discussion. The bottom line is there's more than enough land in the UK to give everyone their own house on and plot of land. We all know that's never going to happen in out lifetimes and that Capitalism isn't going away any time soon; it's also outside the power of anyone on this thread to make that happen. The best anyone can do is look for opportunities to better their situation and stop perpetuating the myth that a electing a different Government is ever going to be the answer to solving poverty and inequality. Newsflash, the perfect socioeconomic system doesn't exist.

I'd argue that continuing the trend of using loaded terms to make people aware of just how 'privileged' they are is counterproductive in narrowing the wealth gap which I assume is something most people are in favour of? You've seen people get defensive because noone wants to give up their generational wealth which is the implication when you make statements about how fortunate it is that some people have benefitted from house price inflation whereas others haven't. I'm sure most people are intelligent enough to realise that. It's also completely unnecessary as a proposed solution because again, the most wealthy in the world could give up a small percent of their wealth, not miss it and the poorer in society would instantly have a more comfortable standard of living.

Many people have said yes, being left an inheritance has helped them out in life and of course it's better to have an inheritance than not, but it doesn't feel like a windfall or a payday when someone you love dies, so of course some people are going to get upset when you try to tell them that's how they should feel. When our landlord heard MIL had died he said 'well everyone has to die one day', whilst he was factually accurate, it's still a staggeringly crass, upsetting and rather pointless statement to make. He also proceeded to try to find out how much DH would stand to inherit, so he can know how much of a rent increase to ask for. It's precisely people with this level of wealth and lack of compassion for others in society who perpetuate the stereotype that owning a property or aspiring to generational wealth is morally questionable in someway.

People complain about the housing market and prices rocketing, but it's an established trend and certainly not a new one! Since the year dot it's been evident that owning land affords certain advantages over not owning land it's hardly a new concept. It may have surprised you that your house has risen in value so much in a short period of time, but back in the 50s and 60s, plenty of working class people were buying a house knowing full well that one day they'll make a good return on their money. Some of these are people who grew up in poverty and there was little 'privileged' about their upbringing. Unless we're going to go into how they benefitted from a free state education and healthcare. Which whilst factually accurate, everyone in the UK has had access to that in their lifetime, so it seems pretty pointless to point it out.

I intentionally studied house price histories for quite a while before buying, to spot a property which will give me a good return on my investment in a few years time. So I did 'work' on investing my money wisely. It may not have been particularly hard work, but you could argue that plenty of jobs pay very high salaries and don't require particularly hard work. It seems bizarre to keep choosing aspects of 'living in the world' to want people to check their privilege over. Given the choice, in an ideal world, I'm sure everyone would choose to be born into the life of the richest person in the world, it's pretty obvious and doesn't really need to be said.

Thats a really interesting post @JonahAndTheSnai
However, I think that most people on the thread are looking for no more than an end to the denial that inheritance is both unearned (a hand out) and a privilege that puts one ahead through no effort of ones own.
While you're right, wealth inequality isn't going to end any time soon, and Joan's inheritance of a modest semi in Slough is small potatos in the scheme of things, the denial of the advantage thst brings her in the context of comparison with her peers, perpetuates the harmful myth that we're all equal really and wealth is there for the taking if we work hard enough.
Its unfortunate enough to be born into a situation of relative disadvantage, without people sitting on a cushion of inherited wealth pontificating about how hard they and their family worked for it; implying others did not, and are therefore less diligent and sensible. Plus apparently bitter and jealous to boot.

Many people have said yes, being left an inheritance has helped them out in life and of course it's better to have an inheritance than not,

So you do agree! 👏🏻

The rest of your post seems to be saying socially mobility is a problem but not much you can do it about it or the fact it's not improving. Insightful!

@JonahAndTheSnai the post of mine you quote is about people who feel insulted when the existence of structural advantages are pointed out. The posts from last night will make it very clear that those people exist. That is literally what happened.

Additionally, what has happened to property prices in the UK over the last few decades is absolutely not an established trend and very much a new one. It goes way beyond the normal advantages of owning land that you mention, and certainly isn't like the 50s and 60s. We are not simply talking about 'good return'. That's an absolutely vital point here, and it simply isn't possible to discuss the issue with any accuracy when that point isn't acknowledged.

Well said

A long time ago I inherited a small amount from an Aunty I hadn’t seen in years £5000. It was a lovely gift but also sad not cos the person died but cos I couldn’t help thinking if she thought to leave me money in her Will why didn’t she think/try and have a relationship while she was a live. In most cases inheritance is a gift ( not always I know)
if you or someone else gets this gift why can’t everyone be happy about it instead of being jealous .
A gift/ inheritance is lovely and can make life easier or be a nice memory but won’t make any lose easier there two difference things .

Additionally, what has happened to property prices in the UK over the last few decades is absolutely not an established trend and very much a new one. It goes way beyond the normal advantages of owning land that you mention, and certainly isn't like the 50s and 60s.

I strongly disagree if you look at a graph of house prices in the UK since the 50s, there's a very obvious steep upward trend. Of course you get some slight peaks and troughs but that's true of any investment, that's how investments work. I'm not sure pretending otherwise is particularly helpful to anyone. My house is now worth pretty much what I predicted it would be now when I bought it 10 years ago. It's easy enough to learn how this works by looking on Rightmove, which shows you house price histories. Housing is always going to be in demand and a sound investment as is food, clothing and utilities basically anything people are using on a day to day basis.

Every generation has times of recession and inflation, this is nothing new and yes life is harder at some stages due to the overall state of the economy. There's a clear argument that economics and budgeting should be better taught in school, I'm not sure why it isn't. ?

Of course it's luck! People don't get to choose who their parents are are. A child is lucky if their parents are well off and able to save.

A child whose parents are not well off or able to save hasn't done anything wrong, but they are put at a disadvantage in life.

Plus, not everybody's parents worked hard. In some cases, wealth is passed down over multiple generations, which gives each generation an advantage over others. Such as wealth generated from the slave trade

OK, please identify the other periods in UK history where house prices have increased in the same way as they have in the last 40 years, both in real terms and in relation to median wages.

I deal with probate as my career. The majority of people would give every penny up to have their loved ones back. Then there’s the other group who are calling for their inheritance before the person has even been buried. “Nout queer as folk”

I wonder why such people worked so hard. Might it be that they wanted to leave some of their hard earned money to make life easier for their children. This is a pretty universal human instinct often ignored by the envious and chancellors of the exchequer.

I'd imagine it was a combination of wanting to enjoy their lives and provide for their dependent families. Hopefully leaving money for adult children who are capable of working themselves didn't cause them to strive beyond their capacity or sacrifice too much of their own comfort. I'd have thought loving children would want their psrents to enjoy their own wealth, and perhaps work a little less hard, even if that meant they would inherit less.

We must be very selfish. We worked to provide ourselves with financial security, we’ve saved for potential care home fees and we spend our income on living a nice
life. If there’s anything left when we die our kids will get a windfall, if not they won’t. I can’t say I’m particularly bothered either way - I’ll be dead.

I'd have thought loving children would want their psrents to enjoy their own wealth, and perhaps work a little less hard, even if that meant they would inherit less.

Wherever have you got the idea that people don't want to their parent's to enjoy the money they worked hard for? DH and I are both from working class backgrounds and inheritances aren't something either of our parents received or something we grew up expecting to be a thing. I keep telling my Mum to spend her money, that I don't want it, but she finds it hard to decide what is 'worth wasting her money on'. That's because she grew up poor and in the days where you don't ask for help and also the ridiculous idea that accepting benefits from the Goverment was considered shameful for some reason. You would sooner go without eating. The things she considers not worth 'wasting' money on are always things the majority of people would consider to be basic necessities in life like replacing a broken boiler so she can have access to running hot water. It's like a mental block for many people of her generation who grew up with very little therefore had to develop excellent budgeting skills to survive.

I haven't got the idea anywhere. I said the opposite- that loving children surely would want that. All the loving children I know do.
My point was in response to the suggestion of people working their fingers to the bone all their lives to provide inheritance. If they work excessively for this purpose, I think its a shame given that would hopefully not be what their beneficiaries would have wanted.

Oh give over OP. Of course it's lucky/a windfall/a privilege to be left lots of money no matter how tragic the circumstances!!! Everyone will die, not everyone will leave a large sum of money for their families to benefit from.

Can I put another spin on this ? (Probably needs a new thread on its own to be fair)

Would you feel cheated if a parent/grandparent was quite well off and you found out they DIDN'T leave you anything other than a token amount?

As has been said previously, most people would gladly forego their inheritance for a few more years with their loved one. My dad died 20 years ago and left everything to me, and nothing to my 2 sisters. His argument for this was that they didn't make any attempt to keep in touch with him, in fact one of them had not had any contact at all with any of us since she left home about 25 years earlier. (I didn't know where she lived but I did know, via a friend, where she worked) She still has a massive chip on her shoulder about this. To be honest it's been more of a burden than a blessing. The money wasn't an earth shattering amount, not enough to change my life, so it was invested. It is my intention to pass most of this onto my grandchildren.

Most people who haven't much money dream about what they'd do with an inheritance but the sad realisation is that it can cause more problems than it solves. I'm talking here of fairly modest amounts, say between £25K -100K. Sure, it can give you a step up on the housing ladder, but what about those in poorer circumstances who don't earn enough for a modest mortgage regardless of a hefty deposit. Or those whose benefits stop because of the amount of savings they have. A smaller amount might buy a decent car or pay for a nice holiday etc but it's not going to change your life.

Receiving any windfall is nice, whatever the source, and dreaming about what to spend it on is part of the joy. But if your parent/grandparent thought the money would be better given to charity, would you feel cheated?

Yabu. I don't tend to believe that many people would give all the thousands back for one more hug. It doesn't mean they aren't grieving or loved the person but money especially lots of it has a strange effect on people.
Loads of people already spending their inheritance in their head.
I saw how weird and nasty people were around money and death years ago and decided to create my own wealth. It doesn't mean I don't want my inheritance though because that is more than money.