Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

And I didn't want anything. But it would have been a weight off my mind not to have to deal with endless credit card, store card and loan companies when just saying the words "she's gone" made me break down. And the sympathy from the funeral directors when I say and sobbed when looking at the price of coffins. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I think a lot of people are purposefully misconstruing what the OP said.

Ultimately, yes, the money does hep financially - no one can deny that. But it does not make the death 'easier to deal with'- that is what the OP is saying.

Loss is loss and grief is grief and boiling it down to 'but you got left money' is at it's best tactless and at it's worth disrespectful and nasty.

even a life-changing amount of money hasn't made him feel lucky or privileged in any way

I would question why he doesn't feel fortunate to have had his parents alive until his 60s and had a life changing amount of money. Would he have preferred that the inheritance was put to care home fees instead?

I have compassion for anyone who loses a parent young...but inheriting helps to recover from grief and money gives choices.

Unfortunately, "the money or the life" is not a choice than beneficiaries are ever allowed to make. I've lost some dear ones that I expected to lose at some point in my life, and I've lost a couple before their time that really broke me and I'd have given all to have them around still. If wishes were horses..
I know that in all of these cases I've taken great pride in honouring their wishes, that was the last thing I could do for them. And I've been pleased to administer (albeit small) bequests to the grandchildren of a man whose own mother had grown up in the workhouse. Been pleased too to hear of what said grandchildren did with the money. Where I come from you always want the next generation to have it easier than you did.

No one is denying having inheritance or even just having money is helpful in life. Its when people say "you're so lucky" or like a PP "it's alright for some". You say people who have zero inheritance have the same grief as people who do. Yes that's correct. But they don't get their sympathy watered down with "BUT you're lucky."

I received an inheritance from a relative I hadn’t seen in 20 years, who was in their 90s. The money I got changed my life. I think of them kindly every day. I got a smaller inheritance from another relative and would really rather they’d lived a lot longer. Money is always useful. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss the person.

I would never say it to someone but it is 'lucky' to inherit.

It's silly to say you are trying to compare inheriting with the person dying vrs the person not dying at all. Those two things are not comparable. And no one is trying to compare that.

My dad died when I was 19 and mum when I was 25. I did not get any inheritance. Would I have chosen my parent or money, I would have chosen parents. Would I have chosen loosing my parents very young and being broke or having a leg up with a bit of money, well I'll think it would have made life a little easier. Still as hard to get over, with or without money my parents haven't seen me get married, have DC, live what I consider to be a pretty good life.

Well it is a hand out and can cause jealousy when some folk get a lot and others nothing. It's a bit naive to be surprised at this.,

people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life.
well you literally were?

of course you’d rather have your parents. All inheritance doesn’t come with the death of parents though, many people get it early.
also many people lose parents and get no inheritance, you objectively have a better situation.

i think arguments like this are a misunderstanding of ‘privilege’
it doesn’t mean your life was perfect and easy, it just means you had significant factors that made it ‘easier’ (not easy!) than others.

it’s obviously tasteless however to talk about money once someone has passed, but people are always awkward talking about death and I presume they’re just trying to say something positive to ‘look on the bright side’ even though that’s obviously insensitive

It is a privilege and it is a hand out.

Of course losing a loved one is not something you would choose to receive the money but many people lose loved ones and get sod all, The End

I'm guessing all those complaining about others inheriting money should remember that money was worked for and taxed . Those whose parents worked hard and went without luxuries to give their children a nice home are also the ones, don't forget, who often see their estate reduced to nothing through care home fees, while those who chose to spend their money in other ways get their care for free. How I that fair?
So it's not really a "handout" as such, it's money that has been carefully invested.
A lottery win is a handout but I bet nobody complains when they hit the jackpot do they?

It is an unearned handout. You've lost your relative, and that's obviously awful. But we all lose relatives. Those of us who will never have an inheritance don't get to keep our family members. We just don't get inheritances.

Exactly.

Except you ARE lucky to have been left £500k

Half a mill at 30 is an enormous leg up.

A friend inherited a humble ex council house from his parents aged 18 ( years ago now)
He said he was very lucky.
He’d not have to worry about a mortgage, ever.

£500k-
That could buy a house outright in some parts of country- or be a substantial deposit in other areas.

I'm guessing all those complaining about others inheriting money should remember that money was worked for and taxed

Not really. In the UK, it's most likely to have come about because the dead loved one owned a home that's increased in value well beyond inflation and any work they might have done to it. I say this as someone who's sitting on some unearned equity myself.

I have never heard anyone making light of loss in the way you mention.
However, I do know 2 young people who have been given access to large trust funds at age 18. Their friends, who are having to work to get by, are finding it more than little difficult to cope with. It has changed the dynamic of the friendship group completely.

Yup- same here. I've had people tell me I'm so "lucky" because I inherited after losing my mum young and then my dad not long afterwards. Yeah, so I'm so lucky I have no family left arent I? so lucky that my mum never got to see me get married or meet my children, I'm just so damn lucky.

Urgh. I agree with you OP- the way people talk about inheritances is really, really gross and insensitive.

Same- bought a house years ago, it’s gone up tenfold- unearned.

Everyone's parents are going to die. Not everyone is going to benefit from generational wealth, in that sense the inhereters are very lucky. It's that simple.

I'm sure most people would like their parents back, whether they left them money or not. That doesn't erase your privilege.

I have a friend who was left homeless by a technicality when her father died by suicide. She was in dire financial straits for years in her late teens and was also trying to support younger siblings through the same situation. Even as a friend it caused me great upset and stress, her situation was dreadful and I was powerless to do much at all. Thankfully she’s doing better now but it still echoes sometimes, that trauma.

I have an ex boyfriend who’s mum died when he was 15. Looked after then by 17 year old brother. No money, no prospects, and no support through education and took him I think until around now the last I spoke to him (mid forties) to get himself upright after all that.

I have lots of friends who’ve lost parents later in life and got nothing, even as far as struggling with funeral costs.

I have another friend who lost his mum at 17. Obviously devastating and he probably will never really get over it. He got a massive life insurance payout though, which kept a roof over his head and a lump sum which he lived off through uni and then bought another property which he rents out as well as the original home (he spilts the profit of the main home with two siblings). He lives abroad and lives very well, and does what he wants. His mum will always have died unfortunately, but what a life he lives. His own children live in comfort because of his mum’s death, as horrible as that may sound. He’s always been comfortable and able to take risks, follow his dreams and travel. He won’t miss his mum any less than the friends I have who grieved in abject poverty, but you can’t say his situation isn’t preferable to struggling to keep a roof over your head after you’ve just lost your mum?

Inheriting half a million in your sixties is a massive privilege. If my mum is still alive when I’m even in my late fifties she’ll have had a good innings. I’ll inherit nothing. My mum inherited nothing when she lost her parents young. It’s preposterous to suggest half a million is some meaningless amount because you’d rather have your parents. It’s not an either or.

Exactly.

For those who've been bereaved young, there's obviously another side to the privilege argument in that most people also get their parents for longer. So I get that with teens and young adults. Certainly not the case for the 60 something friend OP knows though, in fact he's done pretty well to have his parents that long.

And of course there is the other side, where an estranged parent dies and some time later you find out you will get some cash as they didnt bother to make a will...

Is that lucky? (probably)

I was able to purchase my house because of the inheritance money from a parent who died when I was very young. I also went to private school because of their death. Given the choice I would have them back any day. It is a strange feeling. You get money but you feel a huge pressure to use it “well” because it is only there because of someone’s death. I think it must feel different when it isn’t a close relative or someone very very old.

Lots of people lose parents etc and don't inherit a penny. It does sting even more when you know that others have hundreds of thousands landing in their laps in the same circumstances. Sorry but that's the reality.

For those who've been bereaved young, there's obviously another side to the privilege argument in that most people also get their parents for longer

I agree. I would argue having both parents stay with you into their old age is very privileged and lucky.