Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

I will have an inheritance. My mum was raised hand to mouth in a large family and she became a primary school teacher (so not lucrative by anymeans) my bonus dad also raised in a large family just getting by and became a bus mechanic (again no large wage checks in his life). Before anyone thinks oh but what about my bio dad (school caretaker and will have no financial inheritance)
My inheritance comes from their hard work, smart financial planning (stocks, pensions, ISA, life insurance, only having 2 children, low key holidays, 2nd hand simple cars, no lavish life style, etc)
I was looking at life insurance yesterday and the options to provide my child with a lump sum when I pass away - I'm a part time NHS admin worker

My point is inheritance whilst yes financially advantageous is not reserved for high earners, and the suggestion it was luck would offend me and them too. My parents worked, earned, saved to provide and my inheritance is down to their choices and sacrifices.

If my relative was sufficiently wealthy that they were able to live their life to the full, pay to have their care needs adequately met and for any other extras that made their life comfortable AND leave a legacy, then that would be wonderful.
However, the thought of the previous generation working every hour God sends, scrimping, saving, sacrificing (aka on here as 'being sensible') worrying that the cost of having the heating on or paying for care was depleting their money, all with their legacy in mind is actually quite upsetting.
As for leaving their money to charity, well provided it wasn't a gesture of spite or control, and was based in a genuine desire for their money to help those needing it, that's entirely to be respected.
Would I rather have a sizeable handout that the money go to a donkey sanctuary? Of course I would. Otherwise I'd donate all my own spare cash to help donkeys, but im not that altruistic. But would I be gnashing my teeth about how unfair it was? No. It's their money, their choice.

@Birch101 but it is luck-the beneficiaries might work hard etc etc but it’s purely down to chance that they were born to people who had enough to leave. As opposed to those who weren’t. My friends’ kids will inherit a lot-one of them is unemployed and lives off his parents and the other works in a cafe. They’ll end up being millionaires-nothing to do with their hard work but purely who their parents are.

Yeah it can cause bad feeling. Mr Monkey's mum died suddenly when he was in his early twenties. She didn't have much but she did have a very decent death in service benefit from her work.

Turned out she nominated their youngest brother (who was 18 at the time). As a not very mature 18 year old he blew some of it on living it up for a few years but did use the rest as a house deposit so got on the housing ladder a lot younger than the rest. It has caused a lot of resentment over the years with the other 4 siblings as he likes to say how hard he worked for his house unlike the siblings who don't own. It is particularly painful for one sister who due to illness is now on benefits and privately rents.

No one knows why their mum made the decision she did but it has poisoned the family.

Mr Monkey tries to stay out of it as we have our own life and are lucky enough to have decent jobs and own a nice flat in London.

When people say that they may well have the benefit of a significant inheritance "but losing your parents is a terrible price to pay"... Please remember that those of us who don't benefit from any kind of inheritance still suffer the pain of losing our parents... Our children lose treasured grandparents... To have a life changing financial gift left behind is indeed a massive advantage for many people, please don't minimise that.

I think this one is on you and you're being over sensitive and judgemental. On the whole I'd say most people don't imply it's a great deal as if in some way you've swapped a loved one for money. I'm sure it happens but it's not something I've personally experienced or heard of. Most people would much prefer that person to still be in the
I think it would be insensitive to respond to someone who's just told you their last parent has died with 'oh that's a shame. Never mind though, you have the house' ....but I've never heard that.
I think it's fine to say 'oh luckily he had a good pension/insurance' or 'well at least you don't have to worry about a roof over your head.' No one's implying you prefer the money to your husband.
My widowed mum will likely leave her home to me and my sister. I'll be pleased to get that money. It will help me out enormously....but it won't stop me wishing my mum was still around.

See I dont see the difference in saying "at least you have the house" to "at least you don't need to worry about a roof over your head". Both are minimising the persons loss and implying they are in some way lucky. You can think it. People can think anything. And it may well be true. But I don't think it's right to say either of those things to someone. Regardless of whether or not there's an inheritance why don't you just leave it at "oh that's a shame." I wouldn't say to someone who's lost a sibling well at least you have another one after one died. And if someone suffers from secondary infertility saying well at least you have one child. (And I'm sure plenty of people who can't been able to have kids at all may think this, me included at times, but you don't say it. It minimises the other persons sadness and isn't necessary.) I think in cases of death, people shouldn't really try and find a bright side. It doesn't really help.

I'm reading that differently. By sweat to earn I'm imagining eg a first generation immigrant scrimping and working overtime to buy a modest home so they had something to pass on to their children. Sweat implying hard work and earnt wealth rather than inherited wealth. Of course there are zlso many hardworking people who dint manage to accumulate much at all through no fault of their own.

I’ll eventually inherit half of my parents house/money. I adore my parents and I can’t even think about losing them without getting upset, however any money I eventually receive will be gratefully received and I’ll see it as a massive privilege. Of course I’d trade it all for extra time with them but ultimately the natural order is that we’ll outlive our parents.

See I dont see the difference in saying "at least you have the house" to "at least you don't need to worry about a roof over your head". Both are minimising the persons loss and implying they are in some way lucky. You can think it. People can think anything. And it may well be true. But I don't think it's right to say either of those things to someone. Regardless of whether or not there's an inheritance why don't you just leave it at "oh that's a shame." I wouldn't say to someone who's lost a sibling well at least you have another one after one died. And if someone suffers from secondary infertility saying well at least you have one child. (And I'm sure plenty of people who can't been able to have kids at all may think this, me included at times, but you don't say it. It minimises the other persons sadness and isn't necessary.) I think in cases of death, people shouldn't really try and find a bright side. It doesn't really help.

Spot on. I didn't get an inheritance when my Dad died and my friend did when her mum passed away, we were both earning minimum wage at the time. It never even crossed my mind that money would make my situation better or that she was 'fortunate'. If another person feels differently then of course their opinion is equally valid and should be respected. It's a bit like saying my grief would have been far worse if I'd have been born with just one arm and got no inheritance.

I agree, very disrespectful. You'll find thr people making those comments are highly jealous, and probably don't have the same inheritance so that is the reason for their remarks.

I don't begrudge anyone an inheritance and I don't feel jealous because to get that money they've lost someone, but. When there is no money in your family you lose someone anyway. Inheritance money can be a huge difference to someone's life and so it is a privilege. Not one you've asked for or sought or necessarily wanted but it is something that most of us who lose our loved ones don't get. Would it make it easier? Would you grieve less? No, of course not, but it's not nothing.

Who is making the "loss with inheritance VS no loss and no inheritance" argument?? Has this ever actually happened to you? Or are you just pushing a pathetic straw man argument.