Inheritance treated as a 'hand out'

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

I constantly see posts and hear comments about people inheriting money and it being treated like a massive privilege and an exciting thing. Almost said in jealousy sometimes. For example some of the things I've heard are;
" Well at least you'll benefit from the money"
"X is so lucky to have a head start"
"X didn't work hard, it was all inherited"
" They want do they found buying a house easy with the inheritance money"

I find all the disparaging comments about people inheriting money having it easy really disrespectful. I certainly remembered feeling disgusted when I was younger (and I lost someone very close) that people acted though I've been given a massive hand out in life. I'm pretty sure most people would want their mum/dad/partner back and don't give 2 hoots about the money.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

Loss is loss and grief is grief and boiling it down to 'but you got left money' is at it's best tactless and at it's worth disrespectful and nasty.
Tell that to @FadeAwayAndRadiate , who's bitterness amplifies with every post. Perhaps they'd be better off in North Korea where 99 percent have fuck all.

That's true. The friend OP mentions is fortunate in both respects.

Yes the equity would have grown but these properties have to be maintained and cared for so as not to fall into dereliction. That costs money that those in council houses don't need to fork out.
Maybe those who didn't have to shell out for repairs spent the money saved on a nice holiday or a nice new car.
Why should people be penalised for making wise choices in their younger years?
So much sour grapes on this thread. Do you think inheritance money should be seized and given someone "more deserving"?

Mm.. I do think I am lucky my Mum died and left me half her estate, which was enough to buy my council house on the Right to Buy scheme.

I am certain this would piss off untold numbers of people, but it is why I am surviving the CoL crisis now, because I have neither rent nor mortgage to pay.

Would I rather have my Mum... um. No. I'd rather she'd been a good Mum in the first place, but she was fucking vile in many respects, I am lucky she karked it without having to go into care (she died in her early 60s as a result of decades of alcohol abuse) - leaving me half her estate is probably the one excellent thing she did for me after years of abuse that started when I was a small child and ended with her death.

I don't think it is for others to decide though. I think I am lucky, but someone else won't see it that way, having had nice parents they've lost too soon. It's a personal thing.

None of this affects that fact that you were wrong to say money inherited will have been worked for and taxed. That's just not true in the slightest.

We live in a society where the value of most properties has gone up way beyond inflation and running costs in the past few decades. Which is nothing to do with wisdom either.

The thing is there are always people in life who for whatever reason have more money. Some people win the lottery. Some people invest well. Some people work damn hard. Some people were born into serious money and never have to work. Some people get left large inheritances. No one is denying that having money generally is helpful in life. I just feel that out of all those scenarios where people have more money calling someone lucky after losing a close relative is horrible. Death is never lucky if its someone you love.

I felt the same way. My parents died while I was in my early 40s — both of them too young. It was devastating but I won't pretend that the money I inherited didn't change my life and give me more security and freedom than most people enjoyed at my age.

I have friends who for various reasons — broken homes, parents who struggled financially all their lives, farming families where the farm goes to the eldest brother — haven't and will never inherit. I can imagine it's hard to deal with this knowledge when so many others around them have their lives smoothed by inheritance. It's not fair to pretend that a chunk of unearned money can't make a difference.

It is a massive privilege.

Unless someone dies exceptionally early, it’s also not really possible to wish to have them back with us. Yes, we miss our relative, but dying of what is essentially old age, even if it is an illness, is inevitable and necessary.

Plenty of people lose loved ones, often early in life, and do not inherit a single thing, so yes I think an inheritance is a big privilege.

My friend lost her parents about 10 years ago when she was in her early 30s. The inheritance has enabled her to buy a house outright and be a stay at home mum. It is a privilege to be in that position (ie a loss and then money, as opposed to a loss without).

I don't really understand the OP, I wouldn't have got on the ladder without an inheritance.

My friend's very working class Dad in his 60s has just inherited half a million from his parents estate which significantly changes his life. He doesn't care. Just wants his parents back

Well obviously he wants them back but in the scenario of losing parents & getting .5m vs losing parents & getting 0, I know what I would prefer.

OP and a few PPs have made an important distinction. If we are lucky we will outlive our parents. Then all the comments about those who inherit being luckier, if those parents have lived to a good age, are valid.

When someone you love dearly dies young it is different. No matter how much any of us would give for another hug with an aged parent who has died, it doesn’t compare to the wrenching wound left by a death that shouldn’t have happened. Whether a young partner or parent, a sibling, or worst of all a child. I am sure some friends fall into this category also.

I have experienced the first kind of loss and am now one of the supposedly lucky inheritors of a large sum undergoing the second. I am luckier than someone similar whose sibling did not have the means or inclination to secure their life. But I would return it in a heartbeat together with an important body part to have a final hour with the sibling snatched by surprise. The intensity is something I could not have imagined.

I have kept the financial side quiet, mainly because the good friend I first confided in focussed on the luck. I thought I would be sick and our friendship has not recovered. She does not know why.

It’s unlucky to lose a close relative, especially a parent if young. But it is a privilege to come from a family which is able to leave you an inheritance, many people lose family members and never receive a penny. Most people are only going to receive inheritance if they are lucky enough to have family members who owned property or other assets, people who grew up in poverty are far less likely to receive inheritance than those who grew up in families without money worries regardless of the age they lose their parents. Inheritance is a hand out many people could never hope to receive, especially very large inheritances of £100k+, to receive that kind of money would be inconceivable to much of the population.

I just feel that out of all those scenarios where people have more money calling someone lucky after losing a close relative is horrible. Death is never lucky if its someone you love.

Death isn't lucky but inheriting or not is luck.

I unexpectedly inherited a large five figure sum and I do think of it as a windfall. I have been able to provide a permanent home for my DC who was very unhappy in their room in a shared home.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to spend the rest yet as I don’t want to waste it so I’ve compromised and do lots of nice things for myself and my family with the interest/profit I make on the money.

And there's a whole other debate about how inheritance drives some of the property market & how whether you inherit or not probably has more impact on whether you can get on the ladder vs salary.

I guess the point is if it’s a toss up between a deceased loved one and a deceased loved one + life changing amount of money then it does provide a sort of silver lining and lends a certain privilege to those with generational wealth.
Obviously mostly people would rather the loved one that’s not always the case.

Why should people be penalised for making wise choices in their younger years?So much sour grapes on this thread. Do you think inheritance money should be seized and given someone "more deserving"?

This is nonsense, my parents house is worth about 1.8m now. It's wasn't particularly a wise choice they just bought in a cheap crime heavy area that underwent huge gentrification.

I think it's more interesting that people inherit thousands & don't recognise their privilege, it's a weird one.

It is a handout, but the way I see it, if someone's left me money, I don't want to be all 'woe is me, I just want them back' about it. I want to live as well as I can with the help they've given me, as I know how lucky I am, as not everybody gets the same opportunities.

Why should people be penalised for making wise choices in their younger years?So much sour grapes on this thread.

Like not dying young? Nice.

It's a completely separate issue. People die. They leave money or they don't. They are dead all the same and the two things aren't related. If you are left an inheritance you are fortunate.

You are right, @ManchesterLu One feels an obligation to live for the one who died too soon and left the gift. Absolutely. But it doesn’t change the feeling.

I find these threads pathetic to be honest. Im always waiting for the bit at the end about how you would rather have your parents back than the money. It doesn't acknowledge the difference the money makes, it brushes it aside quite conveniently. It makes me want to scream 'do you think those that didn't get an inheritance wouldn't prefer their parents back either'.

Inheritance makes a massive difference in people's lives.

Losing parents you loved cuts everyone to the quick whether you inherit 2p or 2 million.

Suggesting an inheritance is not the same as having your parents alive is like a kick in the teeth to those of us who lost their parents without an inheritance.

So yes, posts like the ops really get my back up.

A man in his 60s just wants his parents back? How long for? Everyone's going to die so be grateful if you get an inheritance if your loved one had a long and healthy life.

I agree it's not nice to inherit when someone has died young. But then - not everyone loves their parents, so to some it will just be a lovely bonus plus a certain relief that they are dead!

Your opinion is very rigid and makes a whole lot of sweeping generalisations, OP.

I'd also feel incredibly privileged to get to my 60s & still have my parents.