Said his pay rise will be *A little bit more money for himself

[Augustisthesundayofsummer]

Dh came home tonight and started talking about work and how things will change as he’s been given a more managerial role and would likely be a pay rise. After this he said ‘So I might get a little bit more money.,.for myself’ (He said the *For myself part quietly.
Aibu to be pissed off at this?
I work part time around our dc, 5 and am always the one dropping her, picking her up, doing the majority of childcare, household tasks, bills, organisation etc.
All our money goes into the same account for the mortgage, bills, food etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that he said the extra bit of money he gets will be for himself?
Barely any of the money I earn is *For myself, everything goes on bills and my Dd

because someone has to take care of the house and kids and if your infant-like manchild spouse won't do it, then you have to.

1. You can divorce and make him pay maintenance towards childcare
2. Go part time and pay for childcare
3. Stay full time and pay for childcare
4. Outsource house stuff

I am done arguing with someone who thinks that all families are comprised of a man and a woman who do equal work in the home and both earn at least $70k per year and no one is disabled and all non-custodial parents pay for their kids.
If childcare is $1000 per month and my take home pay is $1200 per month, where is the money to pay bills? You live in a fantasy world. You are like those people who don't understand that ramen is a cheap meal because they only ramen you have had was at a restaurant. Keep living in fantasyland, the rest of us are trying to get things done.

I'm not arguing, just explaining. If we don't challenge the status quo like feminists did, nothing will change.

Here I am back again, when I said I wouldn't. I am challenging the status quo. Right now, it says that a SAHP has no right to their partners earnings becuase they don't work. I say that they DO WORK, often longer hours. I fully want men and women who want to work and can afford to work to be able to do so.
I also want for both in a relationship to do as close to equal in the home and with the kids as possible.
I also want SAHP's to not be abused and marginalized simply because they are not engaging in capitalism in a way you think is valid.
This belief that a SAHP should have no rights to the household income is what is against feminism. SAHP's are either that way because of beliefs that they and the partner both share about raising children, because both working would mean less family income, or a combination of both.
and that doesn't even get into the fact that most SAHM's do work some of the t ime earning money whether it is tiktock, youtube, sewing or some other craft, etc.
That doesn't even get into the fact that some SAHM's are caring for a disabled child. Or adult. Or elderly family member, or are disabled themselves.
Feminists should support all family dynamics. Not just the one where both work outside the home.

I forgot an important one. Except for cases where they are caring for someone disabled/elderly or are themselves disabled, most SAHP's are only that for 1-5 years, on average.

As your wages are going up Derek I think we should look at the balance of who pays what as obviously you earn more than I can as I'm doing all the extra childcare!

So where's the line on keeping the pay rise for yourself?

You both start on 1k a month,paying out 800. One of you goes part time to save on child care so now one earns 1.5k and one earns 800. One of you gets spending money and one doesn't despite the fact the childcare savings benefit you both?

What about when ones payrises means they're earning 5k, the other has had to go back full time to now earn 1.5k and you're now paying 1.5k each Inc childcare?

Do you really think it's ok for one partner to have zero spending money or savings whilst one has several k a month? Should they go on holiday alone as they have all the money? Do the kids stay home because the other parent can't pay half?

Which is fine I'd you're willing to nice hours around to accommodate doing half the drop offs and pick ups, if you're happy to come in from work half the week and cook, if you're happy to do half the chores

When DC were tiny and I was off work, looking after them, a financial advisor came to help us sort out life insurance., He said to DH: so if she died or was im capacitated and you needed care for both pre school DC from 8am when you leave to 7pm when you return, plus some one to clean and some help with cooking shopping, a PA once a month to manage hospital appointments etc, that would cost you in the region of £40k.

This was 20 years ago. DH looked shell shocked. I could have kissed that financial advisor for pointing out my true financial worth to the family.

@DaisyThistle how do you think working people manage medical appointments?? They certainly aren’t paying a PA to come in once a month to book their dentist check up.

Beyond patronising.

We had a special needs child with several severe medical issues so we were in and out of hospital a few times a week.

What is?

Working all the time and having no extra money does feel rubbish.

Yep. As does working all the time and putting in the extra mile to get a promotion, securing more money, but still lacking the financial independence to buy yourself clothes or have a hobby to break up the worksleepworksleepworksleepwork cycle.

The funny thing is that having some money to yourself doesn't mean you aren't sharing, aren't increasing the income of the household, or that you begrudge your partner ALSO having some money to themselves.

I've been there, it's terrible for your mental health. If you are ticking over on part time work you are getting more LIFE to live than your full time partner gets, and you are not entitled to dictate that OH lives without control over any of their money like some kind of prisoner.

Getting more life? Not necessarily, sometimes what you are doing is working part time around your child and doing everything for them and in the house. It's not always the easier option

It is the easier option when it is the option you want. OP works part time because she wants to, not because of any special circumstances dictating she has to.

Part time work and most/all the housework and parenting and cooking cleaning etc is often more than the full time load. He can be relaxing on the evening while she is doing washing and tidying and sorting admin. Happens all the time. Not sure it’s more life.

If there is cash to spare, there is nothing wrong with him wanting a little for whatever he chooses. You are punishing him for prioritising his needs over your daughters.
Just as its completely OK for you to want some side cash over your daughters needs.
You say it's family cash, but you seem to be saying that only your daughter can benefit from it. Split it three ways.

I think it's selfish and nasty.