Said his pay rise will be *A little bit more money for himself

[Augustisthesundayofsummer]

Dh came home tonight and started talking about work and how things will change as he’s been given a more managerial role and would likely be a pay rise. After this he said ‘So I might get a little bit more money.,.for myself’ (He said the *For myself part quietly.
Aibu to be pissed off at this?
I work part time around our dc, 5 and am always the one dropping her, picking her up, doing the majority of childcare, household tasks, bills, organisation etc.
All our money goes into the same account for the mortgage, bills, food etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that he said the extra bit of money he gets will be for himself?
Barely any of the money I earn is *For myself, everything goes on bills and my Dd

I bet he's not frustrated enough to want to take on half the pick up and drop offs and household tasks though . Because if op goes full time that's what he's going to need to do

1. she's not a SAHM.
2. even if she was, she would be enabling her DH to work full time with no child care costs. They have children together, their money should be pooled.

It should be family money IMO.

DH commented on something I spent the other day out of some cash he had from clients, we pretty much earn the same in our main job but I put all my private client work into our joint account and he keeps all his so I reminded him not to be commenting on my spending and if he wanted to do so he could put his private work money into the joint account. I don't think he really thought about it TBH, I don't mind putting all my money in as I do spend more than him and its actually quite nice knowing he has some stashed away for extra trips and stuff.

I agree that’s what he needs to do if OP goes full-time. Absolutely non-negotiable.

@TimeToMoveIt @Usernamen 100% and can’t see him all of a sudden doing that!

You need to discuss how much extra he'll be getting, and what you'll be doing with it.

Don't fall out over a comment, find out what he MEANT by it, and discuss it sensibly.

@ManchesterLu It sounds like he’s decided what *He’ll be doing with it though

Thats your choice though to spend it on your child

Maybe he means you’ll both have a bit more bonus money for fun etc. IE “for myself” meant currently nearly all the money has to go int he family pot to cover essentials.

Always have a joint account, earnings are family money. If you have given up full time work for childcare it is even more important that the money pool is shared

Wtaf 😂

Jesus effing Christ.

"Fantastic. The extra money will cover dd childcare so i can go full time."

"Long_term benefits for all our pensions"

Again, another women working part time to facilitate her DH career. This is why women on MN advise you to work full time and have your own money. He won't share. He is mean with money.

OP,

For me a non-negotiable principle of marriage is that both partners should share a common standard of living. But didn’t I read that your money is pooled? If so, possibly your husband is being an arse, but possibly he means there will be room in the budget for treats for each of you.

The two of you need to talk.

@SummerDuck writing as one who was never attracted to the role of SAHM or even going part time, I find your comment not just unbelievable but vile. Families can organise themselves in many ways

Is he feeling resentful of nut having much spends? My ex was like that, we had young children in childcare and our budget could only stretch so far, he begrudged "giving me all his wages" but refused to get involved with the finances to see that we didn't have spare cash. He actually had more spending money than I did.

Pay for childcare (him to contribute aswell) and secure your career because he will continue to grow his career and won't share with you

This 100% really get annoyed when I read posts like this… people should suck it up like the majority of us do and work full time and spend the money on childcare.. your partner works full time therefore the bonus is theirs. No reason why you can’t work full time with a school aged 5 year old child- (btw). Single parent here working incredibly hard full time to pay for my children-

I think you need to have a serious talk about this dynamic and probably make a new budget where you each have money for yourselves, even if that isn’t much.

make a long term and medium term financial plan. It’s hard and boring but worth it.

For example. You might say in a couple of years you’ll go back to work full time. At that point your joint income will be x. You want to pursue x career goal which will need you time to do x qualification. He will want to jump ship in a couple of years to get x experience etc etc.

Passive aggressive comments aren’t really ok though. If he has an issue you need to discuss it ljke adults.

I agree.

Did it hurt when you hoiked those judgey knickers right up your arse? They must be nearly at your throat by now 🙄

Go full time and split the childcare. I couldn’t ever go part time and jeopardise my earning potential - 50% of marriages end in divorce. More women live in poverty then men. Too many eggs put in one basket (hubby always earning well) If the main earner becomes sick/injured/abusive/consumed by a midlife crisis/dead/mean with money/ runs off with the person next door then the rest of the family could end up in poverty. Paying more childcare means your family may have less money for a few years. It’s a shared expense. Not paying for childcare and sacrificing promotions snd pension contributions and savings mean the main caregiver Could be in poverty for the rest of their life including retirement as women’s pensions are usually lower in retirement. Especially if Mr it’s my dosh runs off with his secretary.

@Travis1 Exactly..

I think it depends on the circumstances, i have a family member that has a 6 year old and a 3 year old, she has all the clothes from the older sibling but buys new matching clothes for both children, she’s always on expensive days out with the kids and has to borrow money all the time, could easily reduce spending, if I was her husband I would be keeping the extra money.

If living a frugal life style and struggling then yes money should be shared.