Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Said his pay rise will be *A little bit more money for himself

295 replies

Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 18:29

Dh came home tonight and started talking about work and how things will change as he’s been given a more managerial role and would likely be a pay rise. After this he said ‘So I might get a little bit more money.,.for myself’ (He said the *For myself part quietly.
Aibu to be pissed off at this?
I work part time around our dc, 5 and am always the one dropping her, picking her up, doing the majority of childcare, household tasks, bills, organisation etc.
All our money goes into the same account for the mortgage, bills, food etc
Aibu to feel pissed off that he said the extra bit of money he gets will be for himself?
Barely any of the money I earn is *For myself, everything goes on bills and my Dd

OP posts:
TimeToMoveIt · 08/08/2023 22:03

Viviennemary · 08/08/2023 21:56

I do think he should get a bit extra. But on the other hand why have five children as this would be a strain on most households.How dare a person suggest they should get more of the money they've earned,.

They have 1 child who is 5

TheaPrentice · 08/08/2023 22:03

I bet the OP is delighted she posted on here. Now she apparently has 5 children and is living with a DH basically comparable to random bloke with 'his' money that 'he earned.' Fantastic!

Gymnopedie · 08/08/2023 22:03

Viviennemary · 08/08/2023 21:56

I do think he should get a bit extra. But on the other hand why have five children as this would be a strain on most households.How dare a person suggest they should get more of the money they've earned,.

It's one DC who is 5 years old.

And the DH already spends money on himself, on his hobbies and gadgets.

OP I think this is the trigger for a full and frank discussion about finances. It sounds like maybe you and DH have both just made assumptions and done your own thing. Now is the time for a proper plan and budget.

Iwasafool · 08/08/2023 22:12

Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 21:35

@anonymousxoxo I can, but my main goal was to be able to drop her off at school and pick her up. I sacrifice my weekend mornings to work as she’s with Dh, it’s just what my plan always was. It’s not ideal to me to drop her real early and pick her up late. The way I’ve worked it, I can work around still being able to do these things
My sim wasn’t to have loads of money, it was to have enough to pay everything, enough for Dd and a good lifestyle with quality of life and time together being the ultimate, is that so wrong?

Of course it isn't wrong, most mothers I know who work part time are the same. I hope when the payrise comes through there will be a little bit of money for him, for you and for things for your daughter. Maybe it will be stretching it a bit but nice for everyone to have a bit of treat money for themselves.

Screamingabdabz · 08/08/2023 22:14

Jesus some batshit handmaids on here tonight
‘…how dare she ask for any share of his hard earned money when she should be grateful to be the live-in cook, nanny and bottle washer and pay for everything with her p/t job.’ 🙄

Op - you need to remind him that it’s not ‘his’ money - it’s family money.

SoUtterlyDoneIn · 08/08/2023 22:17

Wait, "a little more" for yourself is unreasonable?! So reasonable would be less than a little more? Zero? For how long? Forever? Should he keep on taking more responsibility, increasing the family income? Why are you entitled to feel aggrieved? What else are you entitled to?

Sounds to me like it is high time he said "for myself", and not quietly.

Original poster
Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 22:21

@SoUtterlyDoneIn You’re taking the piss, surely?
When is it time to say ‘For myself’ and not quietly?

OP posts:
Original poster
Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 22:22

@Viviennemary I don’t have 5 children 🙈ffs

OP posts:
CaptainJackSparrow85 · 08/08/2023 22:22

So OP is a SAHM to five children 😂

Noicant · 08/08/2023 22:23

I don’t really get it, if it was a choice between DH and DD then Dh would always prioritise DD. It’s just being a parent isn’t it. Especially if you have financial constraints, first thing DH and I did when he got his bonus was buy a pile of books for DD.

Mirabai · 08/08/2023 22:25

How many posters have not read the thread? OP is not a SAHP does not have 5 kids. 🙈

Mirabai · 08/08/2023 22:31

Sounds like it’s time to go FT for some ‘more money for yourself’.

1993GoToo · 08/08/2023 22:37

Mirabai · 08/08/2023 22:25

How many posters have not read the thread? OP is not a SAHP does not have 5 kids. 🙈

There must be a lot of journalists on here, the amount of artistic license when the facts are clearly stated is incredible.

So many seem to want a narrative that just isnt there 🙄

Original poster
Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 22:38

@Noicant That’s so lovely, would love to do that.
See, the sad part is that his natural thought was for himself and what he wants/needs

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 08/08/2023 22:42

Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 22:38

@Noicant That’s so lovely, would love to do that.
See, the sad part is that his natural thought was for himself and what he wants/needs

And I bet my last cream cracker there are plenty more examples.

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2023 22:47

SummerDuck · 08/08/2023 18:39

Ultimately you are a SAHM, which your DH is enabling you to do. The money he earns is his to decide how to spend. You are not entitled to take it for your own spending money.

You're kidding, right?

The OP works outside the home and inside the home.

Working inside the home and doing childcare facilitates her husband getting his promotion and nice payrise. They're a team (supposedly)

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2023 22:49

Viviennemary · 08/08/2023 21:56

I do think he should get a bit extra. But on the other hand why have five children as this would be a strain on most households.How dare a person suggest they should get more of the money they've earned,.

Do you have problems with comprehension?

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2023 22:52

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 08/08/2023 19:14

Thats your choice though to spend it on your child

Show quote history

Isn't that what you do when you have children?

Clothe them, pay childcare fees, maybe take them out of the house once in a while?

megansmarkle · 08/08/2023 22:52

redskytwonight · 08/08/2023 18:34

Did he just mean that it will be nice to have some extra money so he can spend something on himself rather than it all going on mortgage, bills, food etc?
Which doesn't preclude their being more money for you as well.

This.

Extra money so you are away from the breadline can be spent on pleasures in life

megansmarkle · 08/08/2023 22:53

Augustisthesundayofsummer · 08/08/2023 18:38

It’s hard for me to go full time as we’d have to pay extra childcare etc. None of us really have money for ourselves as such, well he spends on his hobby and if we need new clothes we get. Any bits of money I use are for taking Dd out or doing things with her, that’s it.
So yes, the whole lot will need to be looked at so I also get some money for myself

Have you looked into UC for childcare?

Flowerpowera7 · 08/08/2023 23:04

Ask him to show you his pension statement. Then you will really understand how disadvantaged you will be at the age of 57. You need to work together to match yours to his. Otherwise you will always be dependent.

Lancasterel · 08/08/2023 23:22

I mean… just unbelievable! If said and meant seriously (as others have said, my DH might say this as a joke whilst knowing that’s not the case!). It’s shared money surely, a shared payrise?

timberho · 08/08/2023 23:35

When you say part time, what do you mean?

Anyotherdude · 08/08/2023 23:40

@SummerDuck OP works part time, and apart from doing everything for her DC and contributing to the mortgage and bills, is left with no spare money.
Now, if you think that’s fair, you need to think a bit harder. OP or her DH need to be contributing to a full pension for OP(which she is unlikely to be doing through her part-time work, while her DH is getting the benefit of one through his full-time work, which he can only do because of the childcare she is picking up for him), keeping her career options open and be fairly treated in her partnership, especially as she is saving them £££ in childcare while her DC is small.
Any extra that DH will get from his promotion should also be contributing to her pension, and compensation for the childcare, before he starts spending even more on the “hobby” that he wants to indulge selfishly…

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/08/2023 23:42

RedHelenB · 08/08/2023 18:30

Depends really.

This response has really tickled me🤣

Swipe left for the next trending thread