Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's friend said this during my wedding

315 replies

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 16:47

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 08/08/2023 16:49

Why does she think she should have been best man? Surely it's your husbands choice?

GolgafrinchamB · 08/08/2023 16:49

Let it go. Nothing can be gained by talking to her. You’ll just stir up drama.

Who cares what she thinks? Your DH chose your brother and he did a good job.

Grumpy101 · 08/08/2023 16:49

YABU. She made a throwaway comment which is being blown out of proportion. Don't taint the memory of your wedding by making an issue and confronting friends over it.

Blackberriesbob · 08/08/2023 16:49

Don't reach out. It's a complete non event in my view. You're over reacting. She's entitled to her opinion. She was crass to say it out loud but probably had drink taken. Let it go.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 16:49

Please don't. She's entitled to her opinion. My DH had a good female friend as his Best Man. It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.
The speech is irrelevant.

towriteyoumustlive · 08/08/2023 16:50

She is entitled to ger opinion and voiced it. The others did not share her opinion so no big deal really.

Slothlikemum · 08/08/2023 16:50

This is such a non event to be annoyed about. A daft, throwaway comment! Who cares. It honestly is just but a thing to give 2 seconds of your attention to. You're being fairly precious about it and definitely don't make it into a thing by talking to her about it.

Babdoc · 08/08/2023 16:50

I would leave well alone. And slowly ease away from Sarah as a friend.
I also wonder if her sour grapes and misery at the wedding were because she wanted to be either the bride or possibly the best “man” herself!

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 08/08/2023 16:51

Yes, YABU. She's not your friend. If your husband feels compelled to say something (in the vein of, why were you criticising my choice of best men in front of a tableful of guests) that's a bit different.

lanthanum · 08/08/2023 16:51

It sounds as if Vanessa and Jessica may have set her straight anyway, either at the time or later. What would you hope to gain by confronting her?

Igowalkininmasleep · 08/08/2023 16:51

The comment is a nothing the her ruining the day for the others says to me she holds a flame for your DH and is lashing out from jealousy

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/08/2023 16:51

This is a wierdly worded post. It sounds like the ones you'd get in a tabloid problem page.

Hufflepods · 08/08/2023 16:52

So much drama. It’s weird for the brides brother or even the grooms father to be the best man but cares? It was a non comment and there’s literally nothing for you to be upset over. Don’t blow this up when it’s nothing.

Moveoverdarlin · 08/08/2023 16:52

I don’t think what she said is that bad. You have to admit that it’s a bit unconventional for a groom to have his own Father and the Bride’s brother as his best man? Would you be as put out if a male friend of his had said ‘Steve should have been the best man anyway?’ It’s just her opinion and it’s not rude or offensive in the slightest.

Hbh17 · 08/08/2023 16:52

Oh come on, OP - this is a casual throwaway remark, possibly after a drink! It's a bit of a joke, and I think quite amusing, but you really must have a very perfect life if this is the only thing you can find to worry about. It was a bit of fun, so just relax and forget about it.

EarringsandLipstick · 08/08/2023 16:52

You're being ridiculous OP.

Just enjoy being married. It's a non-issue.

museumum · 08/08/2023 16:52

no, you should not 'reach out'. Your husband could, if he wanted to. But you should not.

Toddler101 · 08/08/2023 16:53

It's done. In the past. Can't be changed now. What do you want to achieve by telling Sarah you're hurt?

Just move on.

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 08/08/2023 16:54

I wouldn’t have given the comment a second thought. I’m assuming you don’t like Sarah much.

Seddon · 08/08/2023 16:54

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 16:49

Please don't. She's entitled to her opinion. My DH had a good female friend as his Best Man. It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.
The speech is irrelevant.

Which two of the OP's relatives do you think he chose?

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 08/08/2023 16:54

Sarah's entitled to express her opinion.

FizzyFucker · 08/08/2023 16:55

You are being silly.

MiddleParking · 08/08/2023 16:55

What’s with all the ‘reaching out’? Sounds like your husband’s had a right good bitch about this woman with her two other closest friends already - it reflects really badly on you that you want to drag it out further. Also, if Vanessa’s his closest friend then it sounds like she should indeed have been his best man rather than your brother.

saraclara · 08/08/2023 16:55

Grumpy101 · 08/08/2023 16:49

YABU. She made a throwaway comment which is being blown out of proportion. Don't taint the memory of your wedding by making an issue and confronting friends over it.

That. People say offhand things that are meaningless. I have no idea why you're dwelling on this and involving your friends in it.
It certainly shouldn't be ruining the memories of your wedding..It's a nothing

3luckystars · 08/08/2023 16:55

Why would Vanessa be the best man?

Swipe left for the next trending thread