DH's friend said this during my wedding

[orangeberry]

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

I’d certainly file this under ‘a thing a person said.’

I would be hurt by this, I hate 2 faces bitchy people and it’s not nice to say it at your wedding, maybe I’m sensitive but I would never speak like that after being invited to a wedding and if I did it would not be at the wedding! Very rude!

Your Dh chose his family. Sarah sounds jealous but family comes first. Your dh did the right actions.

This is a classic case of making a mountain out of a molehill. Move on.

Why didn't your husband consider choosing one of his actual best friends? If it was just because they are female maybe Sarah feels they have been relegated due to traditional notions and conventional ideas and is hurt for the group, because it devalues the friendship. It's groom's choice of course but she's entitled to her opinion and I can see her point. Your DH could have had Vanessa too.

I agree with Sarah! Vanessa should’ve best man. It’s not a role for the brides family. Sounds like you did some sneaky meddling to get your brother and dad as best man.

It's a role for anyone the from chooses. What sort of meddling do you suppose they did? Hypnosis?

Ugh, groom

Sarah was tactless. But the choice of best men was a little unusual; so she might have been expressing what others thought. It would have been better had she kept quiet. But really it’s a non event. You would be wrong to make anything at all of it. You would seem like you were creating a drama or looking to create an argument between your DH and his friends. Assuming you are not wanting to do either of those things it’s best to try to forget all about it.

At my wedding…

• my sister decided to announce she was pregnant
• the neighbours called the police to complain about the noise, and we had to shut the disco early
• my cousin ripped my dress by stomping on it, she weighed about 400 pounds (I’m not exaggerating)
• my colleague decided it was fine to take her 8yo DD instead of her DH as a plus one, even though the wedding was adults only except from family kids
• my MIL wore a white sari, a double dig as white is the colour of death in her culture
• my parents decided to throw an alt wedding party inside, when all the party planning was for an outside party. As a result I didn’t see my parents, uncles and aunts the whole evening and my DM later admitted she had no memories of the wedding.
• one of the my nieces set the table on fire during the best man speech
• the flower girl shouted “well done, mum!” as my maid of honour walked down the aisle

I could go on. I still remember it as a perfect day. It was human, real, full of love and guess what - we are flawed beings.

OP - let it go, see the funny side, focus on the life you are starting with your DH.

This is the kind of post that makes me wonder if anyone will ever be happy as people without real problems can always find something to be mad or annoyed or stressed about 😫

Forget her, forget the comment and enjoy your honeymoon !

She doesn’t know your brother that well and your dh chose your brother. So one of his friends is a bit of an idiot but she didn’t insult anyone particularly, your dh is fine, your brother is unaffected, this is a move on situation. It’s like if you heard someone looking at your flower arrangements and saying I’ve just never liked dahlias. A bit rude of them to say it where people can hear but otherwise a non event.

I think you are making something out of nothing. If it bothered you that much you could have told her at the time it was your husbands choice. I bet this played on your mind all night instead of forgetting about it and enjoying your reception. I also bet it wasn't the worst comment to be made that day but you just didn't hear them, there will be people that have commented on a lot of things during the day including your dress, that's people for ya.

Let it go.

Because I'm nosey, is your husband closer to your brother than he is his friends? Was it your husbands choice to have your brother and his dad?

You are making something out of nothing. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, she didn't even say it directly towards you! Do you know how many other comments will have been made that day about your wedding that you didn't hear.
You need to learn some resilience if this is seriously winding you up still after the wedding. Don't reach out, it is a complete non event and will just make you seem like a bridezilla even though the wedding is over. There's absolutely nothing to gain fro. Saying anything unless you do want to put a wedge between you DH and his friends. Move on and enjoy married life.

@Yellownotblue your wedding sounds great fun!

This niece wins the wedding I think!
one of the my nieces set the table on fire during the best man speech