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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's friend said this during my wedding

315 replies

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 16:47

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

OP posts:
royalwatch · 09/08/2023 20:06

Just forget it and move on

are you a drama llama?

midlifemaid · 09/08/2023 20:11

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 16:49

Please don't. She's entitled to her opinion. My DH had a good female friend as his Best Man. It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.
The speech is irrelevant.

Not weird at all, especially without context. My dh had my brother as best man because they’d been best friends for as long as I’d known dh

IWantAShitzu · 09/08/2023 20:22

My MOH said at my wedding that she was gutted that I met my DH before she did.

Heybearu · 09/08/2023 20:34

When they go low, we go high. Its already been given far more airtime than it needed. Try to let it go.

90sbab8 · 09/08/2023 20:34

Sarah wanted to be the bride and wanted Vanessa as a bridesmaid/best "man"- she's probably fancied OP's DH all along. I've seen this happen loads with big mixed-sex friend groups: One of the women usually fancies the best looking guy in the group, and the other women in the group are really rooting for them, but he marries a different woman outside of the group, and the women in the group are p**sed off about it and are very hostile towards her. I've never seen a mixed sex group where all of the members didn't date or sleep with, or fancy, each other at some point, and the women are nearly always hostile towards any of the male members' "outsider" new partners. Just saying.

yokuscrocus · 09/08/2023 20:35

My MOH said at my wedding that she was gutted that I met my DH before she did.

This was the point I was making. People say much MUCH worse at weddings.

Law of averages states that there will be people there who said stuff like god knows why he's marrying her, he could do much better. Just as there will be her friends who think that of him. It's the nature of personal opinions and weddings.

This is the last thing to worry about.

MadMadaMim · 09/08/2023 20:47

Your take away from your wedding is a comment someone made...

Your AIBU is in my top 3 ridiculous posts ever on MN

PS YABVVVVVU

boobot1 · 09/08/2023 20:48

HaveYouHeardOfARoadAtlas · 08/08/2023 16:54

I wouldn’t have given the comment a second thought. I’m assuming you don’t like Sarah much.

Thats what I thought too. Its a non event.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 09/08/2023 21:33

Nah. Leave it.

Cabbagey · 09/08/2023 21:46

Why are you even taking this as an insult? As a long standing best mate, Vanessa probably has a lot of good stories about the groom that would have brought up a lot of fun memories for Sarah and the others - no wonder she wished Vanessa were best man. She didn't say Vanessa should have replaced your bother as best man - after all, he had two best men, so why not three?

In any case, they're your DH's friends and the comment was about his choice of best men, so I don't understand why you think you personally need to have it out with Sarah. Is DH troubled by it?

There must be more to this. I'm curious what the rest of the rant was? And what was Sarah doing that was so miserable and dragging everyone down? Was she the only one without a +1? That can be tough at a wedding.

Ohgollymolly · 09/08/2023 23:41

Really have no idea why this matters.

OhcantthInkofaname · 10/08/2023 00:58

Let it go.

CountessWindyBottom · 10/08/2023 09:01

You really need to let this go OP. It’s such a throwaway comment, most likely said after alcohol, and shouldn’t be analysed or pursued any further.

MrsCooper84 · 10/08/2023 12:48

Going against the majority here…
Yes Sarah is entitled to her opinion but she is also very entitled to say it on another night and not within earshot of the bride.
It’s called respect.
Having said that, please try not to let it ruin your entire day. You had a great day, you got the guy….. I wonder if Sarah is a little jealous of you? If so, that’s on her.
Congratulations on your marriage xx

mynamesnotchris · 10/08/2023 18:34

IMO Sarah is jealous. However, I wouldn't make it an issue with her because then she's 'won'. It was probably said deliberately in ear shot to rile you up; so don't let it. Some people are horrible & want to cause trouble. Please don't let this ruin your beautiful day.

xyz111 · 10/08/2023 19:04

Sarah was miserable - the only reason I can think of why someone would act like that at a wedding would be maybe if they wanted to marry the groom instead.....

UsingChangeofName · 10/08/2023 21:49

My MOH said at my wedding that she was gutted that I met my DH before she did.

This was the point I was making. People say much MUCH worse at weddings.

I would actually 'hear' that as a huge compliment.
To me it says

"He is such a nice bloke" "I wish I could meet as nice a chap as your dh" etc.
How funny to take that as a bad thing to hear.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 11/08/2023 01:22

Congratulations OP, enjoy your marriage and let bygones be bygones.
There's nothing to be gained by talking about this to any of the ladies.

You are taking it as a slight on your brother, when you don't actually know why she said it.

Ignore the comment and focus on building a happy marriage.

Noodles1234 · 11/08/2023 18:30

Ignore it and carry on with your life.

Probably a crass comment that should have remained thought and not heard.
you’re married now, enjoy and don’t leave the lasting memories as stirring up unnecessary drama.

None of her business and don’t go delving to why she was grumpy on your big day.

DottyLottieLou · 11/08/2023 18:34

It's her problem not yours. No one agrees with her. Move on.

Hawkins009 · 11/08/2023 18:36

@orangeberry
Is Sarah's comment accurate and what makes them better than the ones chosen ?

Zebedee55 · 11/08/2023 18:38

Sounds like you're a drama llama. Move on, it was a comment, on one day of your life.🙄

Catastrophejane · 11/08/2023 19:09

I couldn’t get worked up about this.

I actually think your DH should’ve had Jessica as his best man if she is his closest friend. Am guessing he didn’t choose her because he thought he should have had a man, and doesn’t have any close male friends.

Not because your brother isn’t up to the job, but it sounds like his relationship with your brother - while good- is through you. I’m sure your brother is lovely and gets on well with your DH, but traditionally it’s your closest friend who is the best man/ moh.

of course, it’s entirely up to your DH!

as for the friend, she won’t be the first - or the last -person to make her opinions heard about other people’s weddings. But it’s no big deal. She’s entitled to her opinion. I’d just ignore it. It wasn’t meant to hurt you or your brother.

babyproblems · 11/08/2023 23:15

GolgafrinchamB · 08/08/2023 16:49

Let it go. Nothing can be gained by talking to her. You’ll just stir up drama.

Who cares what she thinks? Your DH chose your brother and he did a good job.

This

k1233 · 11/08/2023 23:42

Um, you do realise that other people at your wedding and reception probably also expressed opinions, not necessarily favourable, whilst at the event. To me you're looking to start something out of nothing. What does it even matter if that's what she thought? You're winding yourself up for no reason.

Instead of making a drama out of nothing, remember the good moments of the day. If you focus on those, this will be background noise with zero impact.