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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's friend said this during my wedding

315 replies

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 16:47

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

OP posts:
Callyem · 08/08/2023 17:05

If it was the reverse, would it be ok for your DH to speak to a friend of yours?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 08/08/2023 17:05

You are reacting as if she said

"John would have had Vanessa as his best man only for the jealous, controlling wench wouldn't be happy with that".

There's nothing wrong with what she said but you are interpreting it more like the above statement & I suspect there is tension between you and your husband's female friends. Given they would only want the best for him what has caused because that's the real problem and one you appear to want to escalate for some reason.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 08/08/2023 17:05

Could have been worse op. They could have been saying bride instead of best man....

Wdyw · 08/08/2023 17:07

OP's FIL is DH's father not OP's 🙄

Aworldofwonder · 08/08/2023 17:08

Get a grip OP, this is nothing.

backtogrey · 08/08/2023 17:08

What a non issue.

Clefable · 08/08/2023 17:11

YABU. It was probably just a flippant comment and kind of poking fun at gender roles/wedding formality. No one needed to 'reach out' to anyone in the first place, so put your arms away.

Quoria · 08/08/2023 17:11

"Reaching out" to essentially berate someone reads like such a contradiction in terms. Surely reaching out means contacting someone in a positive sense? What a load of drama over nothing anyway. What on earth would you consider a suitable response from this woman?

Busubaba · 08/08/2023 17:11

Did you enjoy your day?

That's all that matters.

yokuscrocus · 08/08/2023 17:12

er and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day.

This is a huge overreaction. Honestly this is a non- problem and she's entitled to her opinion.

I was at a wedding where the bride's two sisters had a cry in the loo because they thought their sister could do better and was ruining her life by marrying this man. That's the kind of opinion you are justified in getting upset about not who is a best man. It really doesn't matter.

as the time honoured phrase goes why do you care what she thinks?

BringMeTea · 08/08/2023 17:12

What a load of cobblers.

Clefable · 08/08/2023 17:12

Seems weird if Sarah was so miserable all day and Vanessa and Jessica were 'horrified' by it though. I'd be more interested in what was going on there than some throwaway comment aboud best men.

Cherry8809 · 08/08/2023 17:13

They were “horrified” by Sarah’s actions?

And you’re upset that she expressed her opinion to her friend…she wasn’t even talking TO you.

Fuck me 😂😂

readbooksdrinktea · 08/08/2023 17:14

Your husband already said something, which is cringey enough. Don’t get involved. She expressed an opinion. I don't see the harm.

millymog11 · 08/08/2023 17:15

"At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway"

If Sarah stood up in front of a lot of people and made this comment knowing / wanting a wide audience then I would say you have a point. Even then I would leave it to your new husband to deal with (i.e. the choice of who is Best Man is entirely one for the groom according to tradition) and your husband (lets hope in the honeymoon period at least) would share in your pain in any situation where there was any kind of wiff of potential public humiliation.

If it was a fairly discrete throw away comment to a small group said as part of a conversation with no reason why the person would want to stir something up then I think you are being bridezilla and you should definitely let it go and ask yourself why you are so bothered by it.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/08/2023 17:15

Nagado · 08/08/2023 16:57

I wouldn’t contact her. What will it possibly achieve? It’s your DH’s friend and she was having a pop at your DH’s choices. Unless he asks you to step in and help him, it’s up to him to decide how he wants to respond to his friend.

I agree with this, it was a throw away comment and tbh was always going to be a conversation point that he hasn't picked his best friend.

Leave him to manage his friendships, there is no need for you to 'reach out'.

Datafan55 · 08/08/2023 17:19

BarbaraV · 08/08/2023 17:00

People can think what they like, it's none of your business.

I came on to say this too!

And to PPs saying see less of that friend ... Ah, cancel culture in action. Never must you express an opinion of your own.

Frankenpug23 · 08/08/2023 17:21

Just weird your DH didn’t have his best friends undertaking the best man/ woman role at the wedding tbh - why would you reach out what do you want from that conversation?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/08/2023 17:21

Another one here who thinks you're causing a spectacular amount of drama over nothing.

Do you not like the fact he has female friends by any chance?

Original poster
orangeberry · 08/08/2023 17:21

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 16:49

Please don't. She's entitled to her opinion. My DH had a good female friend as his Best Man. It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.
The speech is irrelevant.

No he chose his own dad and my brother.

OP posts:
TakenRoot · 08/08/2023 17:23

It sounds like a joke or a fact throwaway comment, not the Curse of The Bad Fairy over your marriage.

And why are your friends bitching about someone else’s behaviour and telling you they had a bad time?

It all sounds like primary school.

Pottedpalm · 08/08/2023 17:23

YABU to use the term ‘reach
out’

sunglassesonthetable · 08/08/2023 17:24

Really?

It wasn't said to you. It was a throwaway comment. And so what ?

Clumsy to say it at the reception but just her opinion. No one has to agree with her.

You really don't need to create a drama around it.

And What would you do ? Discuss the pros and cons of DBro and Vanessa? Tell her off for having a different opinion? What?

No move along. Forget it. Focus on important stuff .
And did you enjoy your day?
Much more important.

sunglassesonthetable · 08/08/2023 17:25

It sounds like a joke or a fact throwaway comment, not the Curse of The Bad Fairy over your marriage.

Yes😂😂

WonderingWanda · 08/08/2023 17:25

You are reading way too much into her comment. Is your overreaction possibly because you were the one who pushed your dh to chose your brothers? If it was entirely your dh's choice I can't imagine why this comment would upset you so much.