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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's friend said this during my wedding

315 replies

orangeberry · 08/08/2023 16:47

I have just got married.

DH has a friendship group consisting of himself, Sarah, Vanessa and Jessica (not real names). They have been friends for a long time.

At my wedding, during the reception, Sarah said "Vanessa should have been the best man anyway". This was in earshot of me as I came to mingle with their table and thank them for coming.

DH's best men were my brother and my FIL, DH's father.

DH has reached out to Vanessa and Jessica and Vanessa has stressed that the best man comment did not come from her and they are both horrified by Sarah's actions on the wedding day. Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable.

I'm upset by the comment Sarah made about Vanessa being the best man when my DBro was one of DH's best men and he gave such a lovely speech and they have a great bond. I'm more upset that she chose to say that during my own wedding reception!

AIBU to reach out to Sarah to let her know that I am hurt?

OP posts:
Blogswife · 08/08/2023 18:15

Let it go . She sounds like a drama queen - don’t give her the attention.
Congratulations btw !

tara66 · 08/08/2023 18:16

How much champagne had she had? It was probably just an idle chitter chatter ''spiteful'' throw away line. Not meant for your ears.

TenoringBehind · 08/08/2023 18:16

Mountain. Molehill.

pigsDOfly · 08/08/2023 18:17

YABU with all the reaching out.

Exactly what I was going to say but you got there before me.

If by 'reaching out' you mean talk to Sarah about it, why would you bother for something so unimportant.

I'm also wondering how Vanessa would be a 'best man'. Isn't there some other title a woman could be given if she's fulfilling that particular role?

Coyoacan · 08/08/2023 18:17

You've got to take life a little less seriously OP to survive.

Dacadactyl · 08/08/2023 18:19

Let it go OP.

So what, she made a comment you disagreed with?! I mean, it's hardly the end of the world. You're making a big deal out of nothing!

You won't last long married if you get the hump this easily.

Soontobe60 · 08/08/2023 18:19

MiddleParking · 08/08/2023 16:57

Wedding attention prolongation, at a guess.

Show quote history

My brother was my DHs best man. I met DH though my brother - they really are best friends.

ScribblingPixie · 08/08/2023 18:21

Let it go. It's just her perspective - a nothing comment that, phrased differently would have been a compliment on how much your DH must value your family given the close friendship between your DH and Vanessa. I've heard way, way, WAY worse at weddings. Let it go, OP.

Pipsquiggle · 08/08/2023 18:22

Who are the 7%?

I haven't seen anyone on here agreeing with OP

AnnaMagnani · 08/08/2023 18:23

I'd ignore it.

It feels as if Sarah has had an idea that your DH was best friends with her, Vanessa and Jessica.

Then he has accidentally upset her world by making a new best friend - you - and going as far as to get married to you.

Even worse, when he was picking for the role of best man, none of them featured as his choice.

This has likely challenged her idea of where she stands in her friendship (she thought they are BFFs, now she comes after you and 2 blokes) with DH and prompted the comment.

Her friendship with DH is going to change a lot in the coming years and this has come as an unpleasant shock to her. Just focus on your new marriage (Congratulations!) and leave Sarah to work things out.

godmum56 · 08/08/2023 18:24

Blackberriesbob · 08/08/2023 16:49

Don't reach out. It's a complete non event in my view. You're over reacting. She's entitled to her opinion. She was crass to say it out loud but probably had drink taken. Let it go.

this

Forgoodnesssakewhatnow · 08/08/2023 18:25

Doesn’t seem like a big deal at all.

As an aside - are the friends intentionally named after Granny Pig’s chickens?

watyawant · 08/08/2023 18:26

If you reached out to Sarah to let her know you were hurt by her throwaway remark you will come off looking insecure and petty. Also like you hold her opinion highly, as if it actually matters what she thinks!
Let it go. I can't believe you're spending your first few days of 'wedded bliss' thinking about some silly remark !

AmazingSnakeHead · 08/08/2023 18:27

Non issue, you cannot control other people's opinions about your wedding.

Whattodo112222 · 08/08/2023 18:27

You're choosing to let this taint your wedding day. Please get over it as its a total non event. Enjoy your other memories of your wedding day.

DDivaStar · 08/08/2023 18:28

Best men are traditionaly a long standing friend, his father and bil to be is an unusual choice but of course its completely his choice.

She made an ill thought out comment. You making a big thing of it won't gain anything and could cause friction between you and your Hs friends.

Congratulations on your marriage, I hope you are not letting this spoil what should be the start of a new chapter on your life.

MinnieTruck · 08/08/2023 18:28

Yawn. I’m so happy the comments agreed with me once I scrolled down😂 it’s barely an issue. She had an opinion and that’s it really

TheJRTwontLetMeBe · 08/08/2023 18:30

Well at least she didn't say Vanessa should have been the bride!

Duckingella · 08/08/2023 18:33

Does Sarah secretly wish it was her in the wedding dress marrying your DH?

RedHelenB · 08/08/2023 18:35

As a neutral it seems as though OP is a massive control freak with her family having to be best man etc

Dora33 · 08/08/2023 18:39

It is odd for your dh to have his father and your brother as his best men over his friends. It shouldn't really matter that they are women.
I have been to 2 weddings where the best man/ person was a woman. They gave brilliant funny speeches that went down very well.
At another wedding, the best man & 2 of the grooms men were from the bride's family. We just assumed the groom didn't have close friends.
She's entitled to her opinion but obviously didn't put it across the best way.
I have read many threads on mumsnet where a friend is upset over being left out of being a bridesmaid. If your dhs closest friends are these 3 women's, it's very similar.

LaMadameCholet · 08/08/2023 18:39

Total non issue.

enjoyingscience · 08/08/2023 18:39

What a very odd thing to focus on.

i assume you were happy with the wedding and your choice of husband?

tsmainsqueeze · 08/08/2023 18:40

BiscuitsandPuffin · 08/08/2023 16:49

Please don't. She's entitled to her opinion. My DH had a good female friend as his Best Man. It is a bit weird that yours chose your relatives (especially two of them) as his best men if he had friends that could have done it.
The speech is irrelevant.

Its not weird , you can have who you like .

Rewis · 08/08/2023 18:40

Vanessa and Jessica both said that Sarah put a real downer on the whole evening and tried to drag everyone down with her; she was miserable

There has to be some history here.