Barbie movie: America Ferrera’s speech on being a woman

[ClairDeLaLune]

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

Brilliant. That is all.

electriclight
I think it's a decent enough moment in a film, but I don't think the hype about how wonderful the speech is is justified in my opinion.

If it gets women talking then that's a a good thing.

I still have a gut instinct that it's likely to be like other types of feel-good feminism where not much discussion goes any deeper, so it sounds empowering on the surface but stops short of getting to the real issues.

My reservation is that people will talk for a few weeks but the second the discussion close to, for example, the root causes of female beauty standards, or questioning the decades of "but subscribing to, and/or internalising male gaze standards of feminine beauty is actually empowering" advertising then suddenly the discussion will die off. We'll be right back at people saying 'how dare you question... Their choice don't you know'. Aka more of the same individualism and a successful diversion before big issues are addressed.

I can relate op. People who can't are super lucky and must have bags of confidence.

Yes you're right, it is unlikely to make a significant difference all on its own.

But it is now part of the conversation, reaching a massive audience, being discussed on sm platforms by younger generations. How often do you see influencers with millions of followers talking about the patriarchy? Many women are realising for the first time that they are not alone in how they are feeling, or feeling empowered to make changes in their own lives. I guess we have to try to keep the momentum going now. It can't fix things by itself but then nothing that's come before has ever managed that either.

This issue is thar now many people think something should solve everything otherwise its worthless. Rather than being a speech in a film that has reached an audience who probably haven't heard it before, certainly haven't heard it in a mainstream hugely successful film, it has to dismantle the patriarchy to be successful. It has to address each and every issue to be worthwhile. It has to resonate with every single woman even though we aren't a homogenous mass. It shouldn't be delivered by someone conventially attractive. The tedious list goes on.

So because it misses things out, it’s misogynistic? Because it says you can be a mother, but it doesn’t say you don’t have to be a mother, it’s misogynistic. Just because it’s not saying it, doesn’t mean it’s not implied.

i suppose you were one of those naysayers in the cinema when endgame did their 10 seconds of showing the women fight thanos too.

Just because you don't judge others for not being slim and pretty dosn't mean that society dosn't judge you. The patriarchy dosn't care about your intelligent thoughts about astrophysics or groundbreaking insights into AI...it cares about your lack of wrinkles and cellulite.

Totally agree.

I enjoyed the film. The speech isn't particularly original but it's not directed at me (a nearly 50 year old woman who read Betty Friedan and Germaine Greer and Marilyn French back in the 90s), it's aimed at a new generation of younger women who won't necessarily read those books but will go to see this film.

All women are affected by patriarchal stereotypes about how women should look and behave whether they let it bother them day to day or not.

Oh, and Susan Faludi of course

Great speech to have in a mainstream movie
Resonates with me

It’s the radical notion that women are people that seems to annoy some people, including some women. Instead of wondering why they might feel that way they try to castigate (other) women and shut that conversation down.

And i’d say a lot of the ‘why are you letting it bother you’ posters are either: highly privileged, not female, or lying to themselves to get through it. They don’t want to hear other women ‘complain’ about the patriarchy.
The ‘complaining’ annoys them because they have learned to internalised the misogyny they’ve been brought up in. Which is not a criticism, it’s no woman’s fault and survival in patriarchy can make it necessary- but it’s an unhappy state to live in, full of cognitive dissonance.
Then again being forced to see the full horror of where misogyny can lead to feels pretty desperate too. We still live in patriarchy now even our supposed modern societies.
Which is why it’s an important speech to see in a mainstream movie. Everyone who challenges the patriarchy is doing it for countless other women who can’t do it or say it for whatever reason , and most if not all women need change to happen.

But see, this would have made a better speech.
The one in the movie was so wishy-washy, that it didn’t actually say anything, they didn’t really point out things.
What you wrote said things put loud, the movie woudn’t dare to risk saying what you wrote.
That’s why it wans’t feminism.
The movie makers woudn’t risk being called ’kink shamers’, or ’anti-women’ ’choice’ re: plastic surgery.
They didn’t even mention the part of being childfree.

The movie was just punch of young pretty women, in their safe male-gaze way whining about things (real as they may) and just being upset about it. Mostly about looks.
It sucks that we have these impossible standards, but it would have meaned more if they would have washed they faces, get into comfortable clothes, throw away the damn heals.
This movie played it very safe, filled with submissive/complicit women/barbies who impose no threat to the patriarchy.

And the fact that they had to make it known that Barbie hs a vagina, so you can indeed fuck her.

I actually thought it was AF speech you were talking about until a poster commented it was her character who said this, in the movie.

Perhaps a little clarity?

Also i don't relate to any of it, probably because I am autistic and just try to get through the day. I have never really been at all concerned about what society thinks I should be.

@electriclight I didn’t say I was surprised, just depressed by it…

This issue is thar now many people think something should solve everything otherwise its worthless. Rather than being a speech in a film that has reached an audience who probably haven't heard it before, certainly haven't heard it in a mainstream hugely successful film, it has to dismantle the patriarchy to be successful. It has to address each and every issue to be worthwhile. It has to resonate with every single woman even though we aren't a homogenous mass. It shouldn't be delivered by someone conventially attractive. The tedious list goes on.
I don't think it has to solve everything, nor do I think the speech is worthless.

If it makes people think who've not previously considered the quote superficial ideas in the speech then that's a good thing, but I still don't understand the hype.

I accept I'm cynical though. The last few decades have been full of feel-good feminism and superficial statements that sound nice, but rarely scratch the surface.

Hollywood as an industry promotes many of the things the speech challenges, as do many of the retailers and brands who are suddenly all pink for Barbie, isn't it empowering, we're feminist and we see you.
They make a huge amount of money out of perpetuating sexist nonsense and female stereotypes based on male gaze expectations of women. When they start posing difficult questions and saying things that get to the heart of the issues then I'll be a little less cynical. Until then I'll continue to view it as more of the same.

Are we gate keeping feminism now? If so you can keep your version of it. Are 'pretty women' not as valid in their opinions as other women? Is there not an irony to that? Yes society is more attentive and its more palatable to hear these things from people deemed attractive by society, but it's also used by some as a stick to beat people with. You can be pretty and have views and an opinion just as valid and without ulterior motive as anyone else.

Also i don't relate to any of it, probably because I am autistic and just try to get through the day. I have never really been at all concerned about what society thinks I should be.

Are you saying societal expectations doesn't affect the way that you are treated though? That despite you not being concerned you aren't affected by the patriarchy?

Is there a lot of hype though? Are women shouting about it in the streets and heralding it as the second coming? No. People have spoken about it a bit online (plenty of stuff goes 'viral' it doesn't mean its hyped really), potentially in 'real life' people have spoken about it- again most on here I'd hazard a guess aren't the target market but those who are lots won't have heard it. They've instead been bombarded by the likes of Andrew Tate, Only Fans creeping into the mainstream, Instagram and toxic influencers, regressive stereotypes coming back with vengeance.

Misogynyst for saying you can’t be too pretty cause other women will whatever.
And they could have easily address being childfree, you have no idea if they meant to include them, I mean imply.

I have no idea who or what endgame or women’s fight in thanos is.

Do you always hound down women who don’t agree with you? Why?

It was one characters speech though and they talked about children which is fine. Lots of women are threatened and treat convesntially pretty women badly, its not saying everyone does but it definitely happens and I don't think it's bad to acknowldege that. You even see it on threads on here!

Some serious selective reading right there.
Interesting how that was all you picked from everything was said.

I was speaking about one point that was made, do we have to address the entirety of the post each time? Pretty women are generally seen a certain way not just by men or society but by other women.

but it would have meaned more if they would have washed they faces, get into comfortable clothes, throw away the damn heals.

Women shouldn't have to do this to be taken seriously is the point.

Well in real word it’s usually the ’pretty women’ who bully the ’ugly’ one’s, so not only was it misogynistic, it also wasn’t based on reality, so it was stupid.

And it would have also been fine, and actually progressive to meantion about being childree.

Yes, it’s called a halo effect.
It’s a privilege.

@Lapflop

Are you saying societal expectations doesn't affect the way that you are treated though? That despite you not being concerned you aren't affected by the patriarchy?

Are you asking me that you quoted in bold above this or the person who you quoted without that's whole post?

I feel confused about why you have responded to someone then thrown my comment in among it

Anyway are you really challenging me, an autistic person who has stated 'I am just trying to get through the day'? Is that not enough for you to realise things are hard and when I say I have never been concerned about what society thinks I should be it's because it's true?

One of the hardest things about being autistic is being spoken down to, dismissed and misunderstood.

I realise it's a big issue but when i. say it's not my issue I absolutely mean it, so please juts do me the basic respect of believing me?