Barbie movie: America Ferrera’s speech on being a woman

[ClairDeLaLune]

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

Brilliant. That is all.

That you will admit.

When I was in the cinema, I overheard a conversation between a group of teens. It was obvious they expected a 'princess' movie and were surprised to find that it was something else entirely, something that they all found thought provoking.

It didn't say anything new, it didn't say anything that hasn't been spoken about a million times before, but it did do it in an accessible, appealing, humorous way that reached people who wouldn't perhaps naturally pick up a book by Germaine Greer.

For that reason, I thought it was wonderful.

I enjoyed the movie. I had high hopes when Barbie and Ken rolled into the real world and she notices the undercurrent of violence as a women. I thought the speech was a bit rubbish though. Just a bit 'meh', rambling, rather than something that summed up what Barbie was facing - how does a woman create a fulfilling space for herself in a male dominated society?

It definitely resonated with me. I’m in my 40s and felt I was sold the myth about ‘having it all’, while my backwards Catholic school pushed girls to be nurses and teachers, because those were the ‘best’ jobs for women. I was sent to (but refused to stay at) a finishing school to prepare me to run a home and essentially be a good wife and mother 🤷🏻‍♀️ I, like many, want to be thin so clothes look good on me, but I do feel I’m not allowed to admit that, because I’d be accused by other women of being shallow or a sheep.

She’s also one of my favourite actresses and I thought she was great in this role.

I thought it was cheap, rubbish, fake feminism that completely ignored all of the very real threats to women's lives and safety in order to whinge about how it's like, really hard to be pretty. Or not be pretty. Or something.

'Weird Barbie' being a totally conventionally attractive white, young, blonde, able-bodied American woman was another low point.

“…how does a woman create a fulfilling space for herself in a male dominated society?”

By pursuing her own goals and her own talents rather than pandering to patriarchal ideas about what women should do (i.e. to be pleasing and acceptable to men). Hence ‘President Barbie’, ‘Physicist Barbie’, ‘Astronaut Barbie’ etc.

See, this is the nasty tone of judgement the speech was referring to….
Seriously, this is a very poor attempt at intellectual bullying. ‘I think something is rubbish and if you disagree with me, you’re uneducated or stupid’.

Heard plenty of amazing speeches, thank you. As will have all of the other posters here who disagree with you.

I tried to rewrite the speech to be gender netural or even just for blokes and... I didn't relate to that either. Sorry, some of us just don't have resentment or piles of insecurities. Maybe I did once (insecurities I mean, never had the resentments) but I got over it.

My theory is that some ?many people with piles of insecurities secretly believe they are better than everyone else, they just haven't proven their superiority yet. They might stomp all over everyone else given half a chance. Anyway, you have to have piles of insecurities to relate to that speech.

I think I’d have to be pretty stupid to think either that a speech from an extremely mainstream movie would have much beyond superficial relevance or to imagine that as a woman I live entirely free of societal norms and am simply ‘not like other girls’.

Anyway, you have to have piles of insecurities to relate to that speech
or, live under patriarchy with your eyes open, and without your fingers in your ears going "lalala it doesn't affect me" as some on here seem to be doing?

I wonder, if it was a speech about racist micro aggressions would posters come on and say "never happened to me, you'd have to be weak to let this get to you"?

Any this is just indicative of people trying to shut others down as they dont agree.

It is really a poor speech, you seem to think it isn't but don't accuse me of bullying you, it's pathetic shutting down tactics like be kind.

"Piles of insecurities"? Oof. That's a bit judgemental.

I think there are lots of women who can relate to that speech in the sense of what we're "supposed" to have. Not because we feel insecure. And that those qualities we're supposed to have open up opportunities or smooth the path. When we don't conform, it's harder - or sometimes even made impossible. Men do not have the same narrow stereotypes - they have much more freedom, which is a ridiculous state of affairs.

Women who are prettier, thinner, more compliant, more "feminine" get treated differently to those who don't conform to what society deems a woman is supposed to be. And that's what this speech is saying. That it's not enough to simply be yourself, because society expects women to fit into a neat little box.

It doesn't matter if you refuse to be defined by those boxes. It's happening all around you in society, whether you want it to or not.

There's a reason executive boardrooms are still filled with men, not women. There's a reason why fewer women get opportunities to succeed. There's a reason why so many successful women who DID make it to the top talk about how they had to prove themselves in so many more ways than their male counterparts.

That's the point of this speech. And that's before we delve into male violence - which is a whole other issue that women have to deal with, and men don't (as a general sex class).

You may reject all of those standards for yourself, and good for you. But it doesn't mean that your life hasn't been touched by society's expectations for women. It may just be that it's in far more subtle ways, and as it hasn't been in your face, you just haven't noticed. None of us are completely immune to the impact of how women are treated, and how we don't yet have equality.

It's good for our youngsters to hear this.

Worth remembering that your (based on demographic data of Mumsnet, likely white, middle class, based in the UK, higher earners etc) experience of feminism and society isn’t the only one. The film has reach beyond middle aged middle England, where according to this thread, they have completed feminism already 😉.

All the while teenage boys and young men hold up Andrew Tate as an aspirational figure, who thinks women are stupid, should be considered property and deserve to be raped, I think there is probably some value in pointing out the structural gender issues in our society. Even if every woman hasn’t experienced them all personally.

As a white person, I wouldn't be in a position to comment on this.

But as a woman, I am in a position to comment on a speech about women.

Relieved to read that I am not alone in not being able to relate to it. No, not entirely true, I relate to a few parts. I’ve seen the film, I really didn’t like this speech at the time and I still don’t.

I think the worries about appearance would work with men. It would be about wanting to be muscular or tall. Also the stuff about money, being a boss and being a father. Also the pressure never to fail or show fear. It's sort of reflective of some judgements that apply to both sexes, made by both sexes.

Another thumbs down from me. It was too simplistic and felt like a speech from the 1970s. Unsubtle, I couldn't relate.

🙄
I definitely don’t care about social norms, I’m 60, did STEM degree, worked in an overwhelmingly male dominated industry and this is what glass ceiling is about. I work my way up to senior level, but was always criticised as being too aggressive, not having broad shoulders, being too nice, being too bossy, being headmistressy, not being committed, Needing to adjust the tone of my voice, needing to project myself more. And yet I always got high performance rating cos they couldn’t argue about what i aceiched for the company and all the 360 feedback I had that contradicted it. I believed this shit, until I read male colleagues Performance reviews where they never personally criticised- just focused on what they achieved. And read this research.https://hbr.org/2017/04/how-gender-bias-corrupts-performance-reviews-and-what-to-do-about-it

and jeez, wait till you hit menopause…the shitty rudeness and misogyny that comes out of men’s mouths is rife . Once you’re too old to be attractive to them as a potential sexual object, their disregarding, dismissal and rudeness comes to the fore.

just for being a women. The same women men started sexually harassing at age 10 . Age 10 for god sake- just because I was early developer of breasts

I haven’t seen Barbie, don’t intend to…I’m not a misandrist ( ds, db, no dad or ds) but really the shit metted out to women is still very much alive and imho, worse than 1970s and 80s with the rise of the pornification of society.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/michelleking/2021/10/26/the-authority-gap-why-women-are-still-taken-less-seriously-than-men/?sh=33468076634d

Isn't America Ferrera’s speech quite "judgemental" ? That's how I hear it. I'ts projecting a lot of assumptions about how "every single woman" feels.

Men are and people of all sorts feel trapped by expectations about what sort or qualities they are supposed to have. Men who are taller, more handsome, more powerful, more "manly" get treated differently to those who don't conform to what society deems a man is supposed to be.

Actually I don't agree with that either. Because I don't know what "society" is supposed to mean. Who the hell is "society" ? The words only make sense if you wander around determined to be full of resentments.

I hate how MN feminists keep trying to convince me that the Libertarians are the only people talking sense. I swear it's a conspiracy. Damn you.

I'll hide because I'm trying to curate my feed away from people obsessed with bashing males.

@Appleofmyeye2023 Now that is a far better speech: specific examples. focus on real issues, clarity and precision. Brava. Though, I'm menopausal and have not found men treat me badly, possibly better than when I was young and pretty - perhaps just my good luck!

Women who are prettier, thinner, more compliant, more "feminine" get treated differently to those who don't conform to what society deems a woman is supposed to be.

This is absolutely true no matter how you view yourself. When I lost 5 stone the difference in how I was treated across the board in ways I had never noticed before was genuinely astounding.

Certainly a lot of women who are against the political trans-agenda, but not against transsexuals per se, are gender critical AND understand perfectly stereotypes that are pushed on women because of our sex and the biology that is our sex.

I don't understand the fuss about it. It's neither presenting anything that hasn't been discussed at length, and in more depth, by feminists for decades, and it's not exactly high quality rhetoric.

It's a fairly good speech moment from a film, but I don't understand the hype about it as if it's sharing something groundbreaking.