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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Barbie movie: America Ferrera’s speech on being a woman

225 replies

ClairDeLaLune · 06/08/2023 16:44

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

Brilliant. That is all.

OP posts:
RufustheFactualReindeer · 06/08/2023 18:42

Well said SpidersAreShitheads

I don’t really understand why posters are saying ‘well it doesn’t happen to me’, thats not really the point. The point is that it does happen to women

electriclight · 06/08/2023 18:44

And so it is clear that women are not just attacked and criticised by men but also from some women who are marvellously intelligent, independent and free from self doubt. Instead of building the rest of us up or teaching us the secrets of their wisdom, they resort to criticism - sheep, low self confidence etc all levied at women. Perhaps they are not as marvellous as they think. Room for improvement.

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 18:45

It's a pretty rubbish speech, any people thinking it are great haven't really heard a decent speech take place.

1990s · 06/08/2023 18:46

Just because you don’t personally identify with it, doesn’t mean it isn’t all deeply embedded in our patriarchal society.

PupInAPram · 06/08/2023 18:46

FrivolousTreeDuck · 06/08/2023 16:49

Might resonate with sheep-like women who care about social norms, I suppose.

@FrivolousTreeDuck this is an unbelievably arrogant statement.

CloudyMcCloud · 06/08/2023 18:48

Haven’t seen the film rather

I think it’s good to allow people to be moved by and agree with different things. Another speech and I might be yes that’s great

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 18:50

electriclight · 06/08/2023 18:44

And so it is clear that women are not just attacked and criticised by men but also from some women who are marvellously intelligent, independent and free from self doubt. Instead of building the rest of us up or teaching us the secrets of their wisdom, they resort to criticism - sheep, low self confidence etc all levied at women. Perhaps they are not as marvellous as they think. Room for improvement.

Do you interpret the speech as a list of things men do to women? I don't think it's men forcing women to worry about their looks, or men forcing other women to be jealous of good looks? It reads more like a list of what consuming social media, watching films and music videos might do to a woman's mind if she doesn't challenge the narrative.

Screamingabdabz · 06/08/2023 18:51

Oh fuck off naysayers. I am as no-fucks-given and feminist as they come but that speech was a fabulous part of the movie. Some women, especially young women, need to hear the message and hear it being supported by the sisterhood too.

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 18:51

There does seem to be this movement that the Barbie movie is feminisms next coming, it's a powder puff Hollywood movie and it couldn't be further from truth.

Alargeoneplease89 · 06/08/2023 18:51

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 18:45

It's a pretty rubbish speech, any people thinking it are great haven't really heard a decent speech take place.

Let's hear yours 😂

I bet you would be one of those annoying people in a broadroom, who shits on people's ideas but has nothing to add.

Just want to say, I didn't like the film and thought it was 40 years too late but not criticising anyone that related to the film / enjoyed it, that's completely your experience and not belittling that.

RoseslnTheHospital · 06/08/2023 18:55

@user9630721458 where does the narrative come from, on social media, music videos and films? It doesn't just spring out of nowhere.

User41 · 06/08/2023 18:56

@user9630721458 women might feel the same pressures from watching the news and seeing only young attractive news anchor work alongside much older often average looking men. Or watching women once they hit a certain age be wheeled off popular programmes in place for a prettier younger face (hello Countdown) whilst their male counterparts stay on air or continually seeing ageing male actors be cast alongside much younger romantic interests (but rarely the converse) or rarely seeing positive representations of older women in popular media once they’re considered to be past their sexual prime (see Deedee in Modern Family). You don’t have to be just a consumer of what might be seen as trivial or vacuous content, there’s plenty of examples all around us

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 18:56

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 18:51

There does seem to be this movement that the Barbie movie is feminisms next coming, it's a powder puff Hollywood movie and it couldn't be further from truth.

Yeah, but it's pretty, pink, insecure feminism - so much more marketable than angry women burning bras and setting up communes round respectable nuclear weapons sites.

allhellcantstopusnow · 06/08/2023 18:58

FrivolousTreeDuck · 06/08/2023 16:49

Might resonate with sheep-like women who care about social norms, I suppose.

Fucking hell some people really are full of misery aren't they.

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 18:58

Alargeoneplease89 · 06/08/2023 18:51

Let's hear yours 😂

I bet you would be one of those annoying people in a broadroom, who shits on people's ideas but has nothing to add.

Just want to say, I didn't like the film and thought it was 40 years too late but not criticising anyone that related to the film / enjoyed it, that's completely your experience and not belittling that.

And here we go it's a shitty movie speech no I haven't got a hundred writers writing for me. I haven't got that many writers doesn't stop it being poor.

Something can be shit without me having to do better.

allhellcantstopusnow · 06/08/2023 18:59

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 18:56

Yeah, but it's pretty, pink, insecure feminism - so much more marketable than angry women burning bras and setting up communes round respectable nuclear weapons sites.

If both journeys end up at pretty much the same destination, does it matter?

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 19:00

RoseslnTheHospital · 06/08/2023 18:55

@user9630721458 where does the narrative come from, on social media, music videos and films? It doesn't just spring out of nowhere.

Seems to be a lot of female content creators and performers.
@user41 Exactly. women buy into being used as glamour props and not being taken seriously.

RoseslnTheHospital · 06/08/2023 19:01

@user9630721458 so it's women doing it to themselves and always has been?

FuppingEll · 06/08/2023 19:03

electriclight · 06/08/2023 18:44

And so it is clear that women are not just attacked and criticised by men but also from some women who are marvellously intelligent, independent and free from self doubt. Instead of building the rest of us up or teaching us the secrets of their wisdom, they resort to criticism - sheep, low self confidence etc all levied at women. Perhaps they are not as marvellous as they think. Room for improvement.

I don't think anyone has said that they think they are marvellous? That's a stretch. I've just never had to conform to society's whatever to be happy. I met dh at 17 and 20 years later we are still really happy together so meeting men, pleasing men, has never been a concern of mine as an adult. I've pretty much always been self employed in a really niche area which I'm pretty good at, people expect someone who does what I do to be a bit of a weirdo, so there has never been any expectations there that I would be a beauty queen and how I look has never affected my career. So long as I know my stuff, which I do people are happy. I was a young enough mum and people judged me for that from the minute I got pregnant so I kind of always felt like fuck you about it all because I was going to be judged anyway no matter how I did it.

I've just genuinely never really worried about what other people think, I was an 'off beat' kid with 'off beat' parents, people always thought we were weird. I suppose I never thought I could 'fit in' to society's standards so I never really tried, I just did my own thing. I don't think that makes me better than someone who has tried, I just really, personally can't relate to what Barbie or whoever it was is saying.

PictureConsequences · 06/08/2023 19:05

I get it, but I'm a grade A people pleaser and am trying to work on that!

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 19:06

@RoseslnTheHospital There are dire physical consequences of being a woman, such as rape and sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy etc. For that I hold men responsible. For the perpetuation of unrealistic, sexualised and objectified roles in the media I think women should take responsibility. What sort of message are you sending girls if you make music videos of yourself as a sexual object, or starve yourself to be a model? The pressure for those women comes from wanting the pay cheque and I don't think they should pander to it. It's women consuming this media too.

RoseslnTheHospital · 06/08/2023 19:11

@user9630721458 do you think it's possible for young artists that are emerging to always be able to push back against the existing expectations and still have exactly the same success and career? It's asking a lot imo, for women to be asked to take the entire burden of breaking down society and forcibly forging a new one. There will always be someone else more willing to acquiesce, at least slightly more, than a young woman who rejects the expectations.

How do we make it possible for more girls and women to feel confident to reject expectations if they don't want to participate in them? Do men have any role in that at all?

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 19:11

imactuallyfine · 06/08/2023 17:40

I was trying to figure out why this didn't sit well with me. This is it.

The whole thing made me throw up in my mouth.

The post you're quoting is such a nasty, sneery one. Certainly no sisterhood amongst some posters on here.

UglyNameChange · 06/08/2023 19:15

What sisterhood?

And does that mean we all have to have one right opinion?

Sigmama · 06/08/2023 19:15

Empathy, traditionally seen as a 'feminine' trait, is sorely lacking in some of these posts

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