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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Barbie movie: America Ferrera’s speech on being a woman

225 replies

ClairDeLaLune · 06/08/2023 16:44

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

Brilliant. That is all.

OP posts:
FrivolousTreeDuck · 06/08/2023 19:16

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 19:11

The post you're quoting is such a nasty, sneery one. Certainly no sisterhood amongst some posters on here.

I might say the same of your post.

FrivolousTreeDuck · 06/08/2023 19:20

Sigmama · 06/08/2023 19:15

Empathy, traditionally seen as a 'feminine' trait, is sorely lacking in some of these posts

Perhaps you mean that because I'm not 'tying myself in knots so people will like me' 'I am doing everything wrong' 😂

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 19:22

It's part of the quote. And I can disagree with every one of you if I wanted, but I wouldn't need to do it with a dismissive sneer.
I living the idea that it's easy to opt out of societal pressures.
A better scene, imo, was when Barbie arrives in Venice Beach. The unmistakable air of male entitlement over her body... far more sinister and very realistic

Dropthedonkey · 06/08/2023 19:24

FrivolousTreeDuck · 06/08/2023 19:16

I might say the same of your post.

Well you might, but it wouldn't hit the mark as there's nothing sneery in my post Grin

Zodfa · 06/08/2023 19:29

Classic example of Hollywood saying something everybody knows and plenty of people have written about, and a certain sort of person cheering it on as if it was complete genius.

The most meaningful bits of films are those which actually have some kind of novel insight.

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 19:34

@RoseslnTheHospital We have artists like the late Sinead O'Connor who refused to be turned into a sexist stereotype, beautiful as she was.

Of course men have a role to play, but actually I was watching Good Omens recently and I don't think there was a single female sex object in there. So I think the times are ripe for change. And there are male directors and actors who would collaborate on a more rounded vision of society.

The biggest thing we can all do is not consume media which objectifies women. I think social media and influencers are often the worst. Isn't that where some of the ideas of female 'beauty' seem to originate, with female influencers who have their lips done, apply filters etc.?

et12 · 06/08/2023 19:34

I wonder if somewhere on the internet men are trying to make other men feel bad for relating to something a fictional character said about being a man...

Wsmi · 06/08/2023 19:36

Predictable mind numbing nonsense. Much like the movie itself.

Brexile · 06/08/2023 19:36

Amen, sister!

Going to see the film next week. Can't wait!

electriclight · 06/08/2023 19:37

Zodfa · 06/08/2023 19:29

Classic example of Hollywood saying something everybody knows and plenty of people have written about, and a certain sort of person cheering it on as if it was complete genius.

The most meaningful bits of films are those which actually have some kind of novel insight.

Yes, it seems to have reached a fresh audience doesn't it.

Got people thinking about things they don't usually give much thought to.

It seems to be resonating with a lot of younger people, including young men, based on conversation and discussion at school.

No bad thing. And saying 'there are better speeches' means nothing - they didn't reach the audience that Barbie is reaching.

Lapflop · 06/08/2023 19:37

et12 · 06/08/2023 19:34

I wonder if somewhere on the internet men are trying to make other men feel bad for relating to something a fictional character said about being a man...

Haha, it's quite pathetic isn't it really!

user9630721458 · 06/08/2023 19:39

Sigmama · 06/08/2023 19:15

Empathy, traditionally seen as a 'feminine' trait, is sorely lacking in some of these posts

Yes, but that is just a sexist stereotype. There ae women with no empathy, and men with lots of empathy. It's also kind of a trap to have this expectation of women to be nice.

electriclight · 06/08/2023 19:39

Wsmi · 06/08/2023 19:36

Predictable mind numbing nonsense. Much like the movie itself.

It is possible to open a thread and move on if it's not for you.

It's also possible to disagree without trying to sound so nauseatingly up your own arse.

Fizzology · 06/08/2023 19:39

Notimeforaname · 06/08/2023 16:49

I dont relate to this.
I do as I please, I say what I like, I fail and succeed and I never have to answer for mens bad behaviour...
Everyone has a different experience I suppose but that isn't mine.

That is exactly how I felt.

CloudyMcCloud · 06/08/2023 19:39

et12 · 06/08/2023 19:34

I wonder if somewhere on the internet men are trying to make other men feel bad for relating to something a fictional character said about being a man...

Tbf there’s quite a few posts trying to make people feel bad for not relating

User41 · 06/08/2023 19:40

@electriclight exactly it’s like saying when you have a good idea you’re only ever allowed to espouse it once and must never reference it again or try to repackage it for new audiences.

Lapflop · 06/08/2023 19:42

CloudyMcCloud · 06/08/2023 19:39

Tbf there’s quite a few posts trying to make people feel bad for not relating

I think it's the fact most who don't relate have to put down those who do in the same sentence, or brush it off like none of it exists which even if you don't experience it is pretty ignorant. Its sort of like when people talk about taylor swift, instead of being capable of saying nah hate her music people always have to go the extra mile to explain why she sucks, some incorrect facts off of Google about why she hasn't worked hard and whatever else. Can't relate to this myself is different to don't relate but the sheep do or whatever.

Againstmachine · 06/08/2023 19:43

electriclight · 06/08/2023 19:39

It is possible to open a thread and move on if it's not for you.

It's also possible to disagree without trying to sound so nauseatingly up your own arse.

This thread was opened in AIBU so if you want to open a thread you do it.

People getting mardy because people.dont agree are missing point of the forum

KickAssAngel · 06/08/2023 19:47

I think that the big weakness in the speech is saying that women feel like this because they want people to like them. Personally, I need to worry what other people think of me to be successful at work. If I have any hope of moving up a stage in my career, all of this and more is relevant. My personal thoughts on whether I should have to worry about this shit don't matter, only how other people look at me.

MagpieCastle · 06/08/2023 19:47

Screamingabdabz · 06/08/2023 18:51

Oh fuck off naysayers. I am as no-fucks-given and feminist as they come but that speech was a fabulous part of the movie. Some women, especially young women, need to hear the message and hear it being supported by the sisterhood too.

Totally agree.

As a previous post mentioned, the speech might well say things that have been said before but rarely has it been stated so overtly and in a mainstream film aimed at a target audience who need to hear it.

Some of the responses have been a bit depressing to be honest. As women, we do have to navigate multiple and sometimes contradictory societal expectations (which can be sodding draining and exhausting) and, yep, we do have to consider stuff men don’t. Even if it doesn’t describe your daily lived experience, the weight is still there like a constant background hum.

It doesn’t need to be Churchill levels of oratory to hold elements of truth and resonance. I’m made up that my teen son and daughter went to see the film and loved the power of that speech as much as I did.

electriclight · 06/08/2023 19:50

No one's mardy because people disagree.

But there is irony in a thread where the op, obviously moved by a speech in a movie about the negative impact of the patriarchy, is told by other women that it can only be enjoyed by sheep, that anyone identifying must lack confidence, that it's not original, that there are much better speeches.

Surely it is not beyond anyone's imagination to see that it is so phenomenally popular because it is reaching a new audience, resonating with women for all sorts of reasons and actually that alone should be applauded not ridiculed or belittled.

CloudyMcCloud · 06/08/2023 19:52

Lapflop · 06/08/2023 19:42

I think it's the fact most who don't relate have to put down those who do in the same sentence, or brush it off like none of it exists which even if you don't experience it is pretty ignorant. Its sort of like when people talk about taylor swift, instead of being capable of saying nah hate her music people always have to go the extra mile to explain why she sucks, some incorrect facts off of Google about why she hasn't worked hard and whatever else. Can't relate to this myself is different to don't relate but the sheep do or whatever.

I find the fuck off stuff in pp a bit off. Too much anger over people just not saying that’s great

Having said that I’m just reading the words, I haven’t seen the movie yet

Superfood · 06/08/2023 19:54

Thought it was trite rubbish when I saw the film and still think it's trite rubbish written down.

OlympicProcrastinator · 06/08/2023 19:58

It resonated deeply with me, not because I am trying to conform to what others expect of me, just that I have lived a life where I simply cannot escape the knowledge of that expectation, regardless of whether or not I care about conforming.

roarrfeckingroar · 06/08/2023 19:58

Resonates since becoming a mother. It wouldn't have before.

I saw Barbie this morning and had a little cry. I felt seen.