Barbie movie: America Ferrera’s speech on being a woman

[ClairDeLaLune]

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

"You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

"I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

Brilliant. That is all.

Having just lost my job due to not caring about these things, it resonates!

'Over privileged whining'? You mean a bit karen like? God if only women stfu and stop complaining

Tbh it just felt like a lot of stereotypical clichés thrown together which was ironic because Margot Robbie was tired of "just" being stereotypical Barbie and wanted to be something else.

Just reading this thread reminds me why Barbies idea of making Kens feel insecure would never work. 😂

I did feel the movie was 50 years too late in my opinion, I didn't feel the speech was relatable to me but there is no need to be calling other women sheep etc. Everyone's experience in life is their experience and shouldn't be belittled.

Just because you don’t identify with it in your life doesn’t mean it hasn’t resonated with many women before you, now in their later years, or around you right now.

The obsession with being good enough, slim enough and pretty enough is horrific and worse than ever out there on social media than ever before with young women. Society has never been so fake and hard. Meanwhile men continue to have an easier ride. Not tying themselves in knots over body image.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have been strong and calling women ‘sheep like’ and insulting them in general because they haven’t had your experiences is arrogant and condescending.

Watched the film with my very independent 20 year old daughter and so am I. Loved it.

The speech is for younger women, and I think it is something worth repeating to young women in the West every year or so.

This is a good point to be honest, I think that although Barbie has the nostalgia factor for some a huge swathe of the target market is young women. I'm sure many who don't recognise a lot of it are ignorant to the influence and affect of the Internet on that generation.

@RoseslnTheHospital Thank you! I knew there was a similar speech I had heard and couldn’t remember it. Great username btw 😊

It isn't something people have never heard before, but perhaps it's something a new audience needs to hear. It's great it doesn't resonant with lots of women but it's true for women in general. I mean that's practically a MN thread for every line of the speech

This part of the film made me cry because it really hit home, so completely agree with you OP. Have always felt I’ve had to be a certain way and it is bloody exhausting at times.

No, does nothing for me. Find some self respect and stop seeing other women as competition.. Switch off social media if it makes you feel bad. Don't build your self respect on what some influencer tells you on instagram? Read a book - any book that stops you obsessing over yourself and gets you thinking about the bigger issues. Believe it or not, probably nobody is obsessing about you and your looks and weight. You are not that important, and other people have got their own shit to worry about.

@Coffeedrinker7 you're welcome!

Yes, found it online but can’t do links on my phone.
And by jove, that one fucking resonated!

We see it played out here on mn too everyday. And I have internalised much of that shit, for shame for shame!

So now I try to notice it when it happens and just let it slide by.

I have 3 kids and 3 bonus kids, girls and boys between the ages 11-20. These are things they hear and see ALL THE TIME.

That's interesting, though not exactly sure what you mean. I think the speech is very inclusive of women and trans women, as it makes almost no reference to the biological realities of being female and the problems that raises e.g. periods, reproductive health care, breast feeding, pregnancy, vulnerability to assault due to being physically weaker. I imagine that for GC people who believe women's oppression is rooted in biology, it could cause an issue.

Not a bloke - can't you see the irony of saying that any woman who pro-actively rejects social norms must be 'a bloke'?

There's no conflict. The Barbie speech doesn't go into any detail at all about the roots of any of it. It's purely dealing with the sex-based stereotypes and expectations that are part of a patriarchal society. I would listen to it and treat the use of the word "woman" to mean adult human female, others may use their own interpretation.

I think the fact there are so many women on this thread claiming that it doesn't resonate with them at all underlines precisely why it needs to keep being said.

I'm not thin. Or especially pretty. I couldn't give a fuck what random others think about me. I have people who love and care about me, and that's enough. If I ever choose to lose weight it will be because I want to get healthier, not to meet some societal ideal about beauty.

And yet....

I am acutely aware of the standards that women as a general class are held to, and how we're treated differently because of these very superficial things. Beautiful women, thin women - they are treated very differently to their overweight, plainer counterparts. And that's not equally true for men - it's a standard that just women are held to. And god forbid we age!

But it's not just about physical appearance, that's a tiny, tiny part of it. It's about how society deems we are "allowed" to behave. The OP captures exactly about how women are expected to toe an invisible - and impossible - line to be permitted to have anything resembling equal rights.

Just because it doesn't apply to you personally or your own life doesn't mean that it's not a problem, because it continues to happen in society all around us. No matter how hard we push back, how resolutely we resist those pressures, society still exerts its influence and women are nowhere near yet to achieving equality.

This week there's a prominent journalist on Twitter who's said that all of the difficulties with trans rights and women's safety have been brought on by women who have pushed for equality. By campaigning for equal rights at work, parity within relationships - apparently that has justifiably caused all the current issues with trans women displacing women in sports etc and single sex spaces. And there is a lot of support for that view on his thread. It's very clear that many feel that - as always - it's us women holding pesky views and daring to ask for equality that is to blame.

You'd never get a mainstream view that suggested men asking for equal rights was problematic.

If you genuinely can't see the uphill struggles that women as a general class continue to face then you're sleepwalking through life with your eyes shut.

@user9630721458 so I suspect those who claim or imply that the societal pressures on women as referenced in the speech don’t exist are actually people who associate feminism with ‘wokeness’ and left leaning politics. And their reaction is a kick back to what they perceive to be an overly woke society and/or to ‘identity politics’.

And in my purely anecdotal experience I find those women are usually the same who assert that women’s voices are being silenced by the ‘trans agenda’ which the often consider to be rooted in misogyny.

And I suppose I find holding those two viewpoints in your mind to be very contradictory and a bit like having your cake and eating it. (I suppose if we weren’t all trying to be thin of course 😉)

In short I think a person’s reaction to the Barbie speech is likely to be influenced by what side of the ‘culture wars’ you find yourself on.

Thats just my take 🤷‍♀️

Thank you for contributing an intelligent comment. It was a relief to read one.

@User41 Right. There's definitely a section of the right that are anti 'woke', anti feminist and transphobic. I can't quite agree that all GC feminists belong to that group though, I know there are some left leaning ones, probably there are some with other political beliefs too. I think many GC people genuinely hold feminist views, though some might say they can't be feminist if they are trans exclusionary in their movement. I don't think it's clear cut at all.

@SpidersAreShitheads interesting reference to the Twitter thread you mention. As above I think for some people being feminist lumps you in with being into ‘identity politics’ which in turn for example lumps you in with being pro trans (not that I have an issue with the latter myself). And so those who oppose ‘wokeness’ generally seem to (imo) quite belligerently deny that women today still face sexism and double standards etc because it doesn’t fit with their wider political views

Yes, I agree. It's one thing to say that it doesn't resonate with you personally and doesn't match your experience. It's another thing to then go on to assert that it isn't true for any women and isn't at all relevant to their lives.

I felt the pressure being described the most as a teenager and young adult. It's very hard to ignore the societal judgement and pressure to conform when you're finding your feet in the world. And if you are attracted to men, then at some point you probably want to attract them! So there's a conflict there. Now as I rapidly approach being a crone, it's much easier because I don't need or want to be attractive, and I am infinitely more secure in who I am.

No, I don't relate to this at all. Any sense of being 'inferior' has been mine alone, and nothing to do with my sex. I simply had to stop feeling sorry for myself. I say "simply", but it's far from easy. So much easier to blame it on anatomy, or society, or men.

Through with that shit.

@user9630721458 yes definitely there will lots of people for whom the Barbie speech didn’t resonate and who don’t fit the profile I’ve described. But it is a general pattern I’ve observed albeit only anecdotally. And of course there might be different or more nuanced reasons for this correlation than the ones I’ve identified. Its just those I’ve stated are the ones which seem to make the most sense to me

I wish she'd added something about deflecting criticism from superior women who enjoy making you feel small if you try to please people, do it all or worry about whether you're good enough.

I don’t find the speech ‘woke’ though

It just doesn’t resonate well. I have seen the film, maybe context helps.