To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

She's one. She pees, poops and vomits on them for a couple of months at most before growing out of them. She doesn't care if they're second hand or not and it's environmentally healthier not to buy and discard clothes every few months.

It's nice for her to have some new stuff for her birthday but as a general habit, I'd buy second hand.

She's 1. What on earth is she "missing out" on by having pre-worn clothes? As long as they are in good condition and functional for the seasons there really is no harm. Buying second hand or using hand me downs is much more environmentally sustainable as they grow out of things so quickly at that age. Moreover your daughter doesn't have a clue what she's dressed in.

I was with you all the way until the last line that you are a "high earning household". I assumed you were struggling to be honest, not that a high earner can't use Vinted/charity shops. Seems a bit tight though as she's your only child and you can afford it.

We did a mixture of both tbh. Every day, bog standard items, were either hand me downs, nearly new sales of charity shops. It's better for the environment as well as your budget that way.

If I saw something I loved, clothes or toys, and could afford, I'd buy it without guilt.

This went for presents as well as "normal" stuff.

Not tight, it’s frugal and sensible.
Maybe reframe it in your head as not being wasteful with world resources?
But definitely don’t feel guilty about it, as long as 2nd hand items are clean and safe it’s fine.

My kids are 7 &4 and and most of there stuff have been hand me downs or Vinted/fb market place for Xmas/ birthday presents hasn’t done them any harm 🤷‍♀️

It's good for the planet to reuse good quality clothing rather than buying everything new all the time. Is buying clothing second hand for your DD any worse than her wearing a load of hand-me-downs from friends or family? Just because you have the resources to buy new, doesn't mean you're obliged to!

Babies don't care about any of that.

Maybe revisit this when she's 5 or 6, see how you feel then.

She's a baby. A baby who's had £100 worth of holiday clothes bought for her anyway.

How could you possibly be unreasonable? 🙄

I meant this kindly but this is the daftest post I've read!
She is definitely not missing out, I pro.ise you.
Keep it up as long as you can.
By the way, most of my clothes ate from Vinted. I'm not watching the pennies and can afford to buy new but why spend a fortune when I don't need to.

It’s better to buy quality second hand clothes from vinted than new from Primark IMO.

It's sensible and it's good for the environment. She won't mind and you can spend on other items or save for her future.

I am very lucky as DD has older siblings and cousins and friends that pass on clothes to her and I love a charity shop bargain so she rarely has anything 'new'. She doesn't mind at all.

With my first I was given a huge bundle of clothes which a friend had used for her DD and DS - so some items were third hand to DD. They were used for my next two children as well! The clothes were great quality, it didn’t matter to me or my children that they had already been worn.

Are you actually worried about this? I actually feel smug that I manage to save a fortune getting everything second hand. Pram, cot, changing table, nursing chair were all handed down or from Marketplace. Vinted is always my first port of call for clothes. Charity shops for toys. I'd rather save the money to spend on days out, overpaying the mortgage, holidays, etc.

You spent £100 on summer clothes for a baby from Primark??? How much stuff does a baby actually need?

Reframe it that you are being ECO friendly and preventing things being sent to landfill most baby bits are in perfect order. Reoffer or donate the bits she out grows too.

Stick the money you save into a children's SIPP for her retirement, the sooner you start the better due to compound interest.

A one year old doesn't even need toys, they would be just as happy with cardboard boxes, saucepans with a wooden spoon etc and your time and attention. It's us that have been groomed by capitalism to commercialism to provide a ton of tat for children that then lives in boxes barely played with.

I get most of DD2's stuff from Vinted and the rest is hand-me-downs from DD1. We can afford new but why buy new for the sake of it when there's barely used stuff for a fraction of the price? Some of the stuff I get still has tags on.

I think you can find the balance though. If there's something in the shop you think is super cute then buy it, it doesn't have to be all one way or the other.

There's nothing worthy about buying new. Baby clothes are only worn for a short time, don't generally wear out etc. It's perfectly sensible to buy second hand.

However, you shouldn't let this become a problem in your head. You're allowed to buy something lovely and new now and again too.

Life's too short to feel guilty about stuff like this.

@Luxell934 that is ridiculous. It’s not just about whether it’s affordable or not! It’s about common sense. We are a “very high earning household” 🙄 but I always buy second hand or primark. Why would I waste money?

I think you're being sensible

1. She's only 1. She doesn't care what she's wearing
2. Babies grow so quickly you won't get value for money for her clothes
3. I'm sure friends and family buy cute clothes for her
4. it's more environmentally friendly.

I can understand for health and safety reasons wanting a new cot/pram and travel set or other major items, but clothes and toys for such a small baby are fine imo. I'm not a mum but I'd do what you're doing with maybe the odd supermarket or Primark item chucked in. As long as they're clean and fit well whose to know?

It sounds like she's had loads of new stuff. And she's 1. She does not care. Surely you're aware that hand me downs for kids is a completely normal thing that many, if not most people, practice?

And what do you mean "get away with it much longer?" My kids are 5 and 7 and I regularly buy off of Vinted and Facebook marketplace for their clothes and toys.

When mine were small they had mostly handed down things, but I would always have one lovely outfit each for them that was bought new. If we went out to an event like a family dinner, they wore their ‘best’ outfit.

As older teens it hasn’t scarred them at all - they are more than happy with second hand as it makes their budget go further. There are some coveted labels in the charity shops apparently 😁

DD1 is 4.5 and her favourite top at the moment is one I got in a Vinted bundle!

God no Buy secondhand wherever possible!
They grow so quickly that pre owned stuff is usually in great condition.
I wish Vinted had been around when mine were younger
Saves time looking in charity shops for things you may not find
I've recently bought toys from there for my neighbours little boy.
Save your money, it makes environmental sense too, of course

We were a high earning household too. Still saw no reason to spend a lot of money on stuff for babies. Both environmentally and ethically, you're better off reusing and buying the occasional lovely new thing for a special occasion.

It's better for the planet. Be smug!