To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

I quite enjoy the thrill of finding bargains on Vinted, plus there's so much more choice than just what's in the shops at that moment in time, so you can get some really lovely things that are just to your taste.

I was listening to a radio program recently that was pointing out that buying new then charity shopping old clothes is still not great environmentally because at some point the clothes WILL end up in landfill. Fabric isn't very recyclable, and production is very costly, environmentally and socially, from the amount of water cotton fields need to grow to toxic chemicals flooding rivers near factories to incredibly poor working conditions and pay for the people making the clothes in sweat shops and microplastics polluting our water every time we wash them.

TLDR: buying second hand and passing then on again to be used as clothes again is the most environmentally and socially responsible way you can clothe your child. Don't be ashamed of it.

I'd give your head a wobble about your daughter "deserving nice things" for her first birthday. She deserves to be suitably clothed, fed and cared for. She deserves to enjoy herself in her birthdday. She WILL be spoilt for choice of new toys from friends and family. She will also get all of her needs more than adequately met sitting in second hand clothes and by being allowed to play with the wrapping paper.

My kids are the youngest out of the cousins and we had almost everything second hand in the baby and toddler years, including the cot, the pram, the first car seat, 95% of their clothes, high chair, toys, books, puzzles. They grow out of things in the blink of an eye for the first few years.

I don't believe you actually feel guilty about this at all.

Absolutely nothing wrong with second hand items! Wasn't till I started selling on vinted that I loved the idea of second hand clothes and some of the stuff I've got are absolutely amazing and some stuff brand new with tags!!

A 1 year old doesn’t know the difference, and as long as they are decent quality then it’s good for the planet and your wallet to buy second hand.

BUT, as she gets older make sure what you are doing is fair. I have some friends who are good earners, whilst claiming to not be, and who only buy from charity shops etc for their kids whilst spending hundreds on themselves. The kids look scruffy and are constantly being told the family are poor or need to save money, which is not true or consistent with how they treat themselves, and I do not doubt will create a complex for the children completely unnecessarily. I’m not suggesting this is what you are doing at all - I just mean I think it can go a bit too far, but generally second hand is great!

My kids are 4 & 2 and I still mostly buy from vinted and charity shops. They don't know or care, plus the 4 year old ruins clothes. He likes to climb.

Not a high earning household but I can afford new, it just seems wasteful.

I buy new for DNephew but since he’s been young I sometimes buy bundles on eBay, local charity shop I picked up a Boden striped top when he was 2.

A local charity shop has a kids one which is hugely popular, my nephew loves rummaging through the toys (got a light saber, huge shark toy and a few children’s clothes.

As long as they’re clean and safe I don’t see the issue.

My DM had to go to jumble sales sometimes when we were young kids as she was a single mum on a limited income.

It's a great idea to buy second hand baby clothes. By the time they are 5+ I would say second hand are not as good as they are much more worn out as they are worn for much longer and rougher outdoor play. Party dresses and that type of gear might still be OK.

As a higher earning household I would say it's fine to buy big bundles of clothes for £20 but if you see a coat that is practical and you love for £100, or you want Clarks shoes that are £50 it's also fine to buy those too.

If you don't need the money maybe when you pass them on you could find a baby bank of similar to donate them to.

Those news articles about babies and toddlers whose parents are proud to spend £1000s on designer gear make me sad. They don't usually come across as rich households and it seems so wasteful when the context is the kid will probably have little money for extra curricular activities, university or a house deposit. Just thousands of pounds designer clothes as a baby - for what purpose I don't know.

From the post I got the impression second hand was all she could afford and there’s nothing wrong with that. So when she said she was a high earner I just thought well why is she even worrying about this then. If she chooses to buy second hand then that’s fine, not sure why she was worrying her child would be missing out though.

You spent £100 on summer clothes for a baby from Primark??? How much stuff does a baby actually need?

This!!! How??? That's enough for one wear for each item. Then she'll have grown out of it!

Of course YANBU. I'm an adult and 98% of everything I own is second hand, vintage or antique. I have plenty of money but see zero point in buying new things. You can get good quality, branded or designer goods for less money than primark or ikea stuff costs new.

I get that the economy would be in trouble if nobody bought new stuff but we're a long way from that problem. For now I would encourage anyone to buy second hand for almost everything.

Why Primark though? If you're a high earning household why would you choose to spend money on clothes produced in third world sweat shops. Buying pre-owned is great, but if you're well off you should make the effort to buy ethically.

Our DC had tons of hand me downs. They went round around amongst friends. Same with maternity clothes. I think my maternity coat (bigger sized 3/4 length swing coat) was worn by at least six friends.

I don't think dd had a brand new pair of pyjamas/dressing gown until she was 7/8. DD wore DS's slippers, wellies, beach shoes too until she was about 6.

They had some stuff from new obviously but I genuinely didn't have to buy them much. It would have been such a waste.

I drew the line at underwear.

Bought so much for ds from charity shops, clothes, toys. Used to love a bargain and it is fine to do it. One year ds wanted a particular toy and it was so expensive and I knew he would not love it for long so got it from ebay and i was right, played with for a few weeks, so glad I did. Ds is now 16 and loves a vinted bargain himself!! Many things like duplo and blocks then went on to a friends child.

I have never bought from Primark. Principally for ethical reasons but also because the seams are rough.

I find now that my daughter is six that there isn't as much in the charity shops for her so I have to see if I can find some bundles or get a mix of new or old. She is very happy to have been given a bike that has been handed down from a cousin. Personally if you are a high earner I would buy some things new like footwear and some things like toys second. At least you aren't that poor you dont have any choice but get second hand.

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household

Why are you telling them and the internet about how you spend your money?

No need for guilt. The things you buy have a short shelf life as she will continue to grow. No point wasting money. Responsible re planet too.

Given the biggest risk to her future happiness is climate change, you're actually doing the best for her buying secondhand.

Plus saving money.

I can afford new, I buy secondhand through choice.

Also I recommend supermarket over Primark (apart from PJ's/fluffy onesies). Fit better and are better quality.

^ This.
We also do it mainly for eco reasons (I even got most of our clothes nappies preloved).

I got DS's 1st birthday gift (a climbing frame/slide) secondhand. It's in great condition, & cost me £20 rather than £130, so I could put the savings in his account.

My two have only ever had 2nd hand. I feel very privileged that a friend of a friend gives me everything. From Primark to Hugo Boss. Even shoes. I just was and iron them and put them in age category. I absolutely have no money issues, but why buy new if 2nd hand is cheaper and in good condition.

I think you're sensible. I'm sure you'll spend plenty of money when she's a teenager! Save it while you can!

I had the same thought yesterday, looking at a little dungaree set in the Tesco sale. My mom thought it was a great bargain at £8, but my thought was "I could get similar on vinted for £2!"

As pp have said, they go through clothes so quickly.

I wouldn’t have bought 2nd hand,.everything was passed between friends.

It's not easy to spend £100 in Primark on Summer clothes for a baby, so you must've bought shit tonnes.

And the only guilt you feel about that is towards your own child?