To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

Why should you feel guilty?

She's only 1, she neither knows nor cares

For a lot of us, pre- fast fashion and mass production of plastic, second hand everything was just a way of life

A quick look on Vinted shows there are enough baby clothes now in existence to clothe the planet for the forseeable future even if no more clothes were made

All the money you save you can spend on something more worthwhile

Honestly firstly you're doing a great thing by reusing & recycling - look at the state of our planet.
You're saving money 💰 ✔️
You can get lovely brands that you don't need to spend silly money on - I don't know about you but buying a gorgeous Frugi outfit on Vinted for a couple of pounds rather than wasting a fortune makes so much more sense!

People have different financial priorities. I've a friend who always used to make me feel bad when we'd meet as I'd bring snacks/picnic and she'd always buy. But they never went on holiday, had to use the credit card at the end of every month to pay for shopping etc.

There's no need other then for self indulgence to buy brand new for a baby who is growing rapidly and ruins most clothes it wears.
All my childrens clothes were from primark, H&M or second hand.
My MIL used to buy my daughters stupid expensive and uncomfortable dresses from marks and Spencer's and Debenhams etc and they'd barely get worn and she'd complain at me. She had all boys and failed to realise baby's crawl so dresses aren't exactly practical.
I used to focus more on clothes with my
First but by the time I had my 2nd and third they spent most of their time in baby grows or cheap 2 pieces for comfort until they were 18 months.

If you buy into the ethos that secondhand is better for the environment then you wouldn't be shopping at primark which is essentially fast fashion. It sounds more like you'd rather save money and that's not a bad thing but a balance needs to be had. You shouldn't feel guilty for spending money on her.

My dd2 wears most of dd1's stuff with some of her brother's stuff mixed in. When I do buy clothes for her which is rare, I buy new and take the time to shop where I know they wash well. Those clothes can then be passed on if we have another child or be sold on vinted.

Practically everyone I know buys second hand. (And not from an “it’s all we can afford” point of view, we just all do).

We did the same with our daughter, I used to get bundles on eBay. Baby stuff is always like new as it’s worn for such a short time.

A toy library is also a good shout if your local library runs one (ours does). We can check out toys for a week at a time, if nobody has it on hold, you can renew.

if your daughter doesn’t need £70 of new stuff for her birthday, I’d consider using the money to getting her a yearly pass to a farm park/soft play instead.

Otherwise, if you can afford it and it’ll make you feel better, bugger it and treat her.

not that there’s anything wrong with second hand. I have family members that buy their kids huge items (think kitchens, etc) from sites like Marketplace for Xmas. Nothing wrong with it at all.

Why on earth would you even worry about this @Flowerdaschund

you are choosing to buy what you buy, your dd is clothed, fed and happy.

that is literally all that matters at this point. There is no point in wasting loads of money on designer gear they’ll wear for 5 minutes and you’re lucky if they don’t throw up or crap on it

stop worrying about things that aren’t worth worrying about

How can you say, you buy nothing new. When you bought everything new at start. And spent £100 in primark. So you have probably spent £££
I bought new, but my DM was a charity shop/car boot queen when mine were small.

You should be proud to be buying second hand, you are reducing your environmental impact and not wasting money, your income in irrelevant.

Buy secondhand during the early years. You can only get away with it for a short window. Soon enough there will be strong opinions about clothing choices and clothes will be worn longer so they don’t stay in such good shape. Toys will become more elaborate.

we didn’t buy secondhand because we couldn’t afford new, we bought secondhand because the items were perfectly good and frugality is always a wise decision.

Buy second hand and when you do need to buy new make ethical and sensible choices.

Any thoughts on the replies OP?

DD wore her older brother’s clothes for years (as well as some of her own things). She only started to object around age 8/9. Yours probably won’t care either.

Your baby has had a lot more new than my two! 90% of what they have is second hand, including pram etc. There’s just no need to buy new at this age, and it’s much better for the environment, as well as being much cheaper. I can’t personally understand why anyone would be buying new when you can get bundles of barely worn clothing on Vinted. Don’t feel bad at all!

I was always happier with good quality second hand rather than new. If I needed something i bought mid range prices. Buying from cheap stores with fast fashion are a disaster for the environment and wash badly so i avoided these. I would never feel guilty about it. Save your money, babies can be cheap if you choose to do it that way but with older children there is no avoiding some of the costs and you won't regret saving.

Rubbish. We’re high earners too and the vast majority of my only child’s clothes, toys, bath accessories etc. are hand me downs from friends or gifted. The only things I buy new are vests because our friends all live in warmer countries so never have enough long sleeved one to pass on.

There is enough mass produced stuff in the world. Kids don’t wear or use anything for any length of time. If it’s in good condition then I’m more than happy to use it and then I pass it on.

We have 5 kids. With my First everything was brand new. Now we have 5- in much more open to sites like Vinted. We could buy new but it seems mad when they were then for such a short space of time. Clothes for my toddler will get wrecked with messy play and nursery etc so I tend to buy those second hand too. It’s much better for the environment also.

this weekend I got my 2 year old a bundle for £4 off Vinted which had a next dress, John Lewis dress and M&S dress. Everything was like new!

I bought a lot of second hand plus did hand-me-downs for DC2. Until school age, the options avaliable tend to be plentiful because they get grown out of quickly. By school age, their growth slows down, they get through less and they wear out more through longer use. They also develop their own taste more and be more discerning.

At 10 & 12, I still occasionally get batches of clothes passed down from older children with similar build and taste and it's still well received. I even snaffled one of the tops that fitted me better rather than waiting for my two to grow in to them. It's a cool top, and I don't care that it was formerly owned by a teenage boy!

Re-using is good for the planet, both at production and disposal ends of the chain. The more life you can get out of an item, the better.

When buying new, if affordable, buying better quality is the better environmental option as it will have more life at little difference at production costs.

There's the irony that second hand often tends to be more popular in middle class areas where there is the better supply of quality items to pass on rather than spending similar money on new items which are cheap with a limited life. There's also more kudos that it tends to be a lifestyle choice, rather than an old fashioned-stigma that it's all you could afford and is the only option.

Some of our old school uniform that went through my two DCs for years, is now moving from family 2 to family 3 to be worn by a 4th/ 5th child.

Surely no one cares what they wore or played with when they were a baby do they?

Ridiculous to waste money buying new things simply because they are new

I was once salary shamed by a fellow mum at the primary school second hand uniform sale as she said people who could afford to buy new things shouldn't buy the second hand ones. They always had loads of stock, I was depriving no other parent by choosing not to buy new clothes

I notice in the deprived area I live in that the kid's are in branded stuff I've nike lot more than some of the wealthier areas I know.

I do a bit of both. It's great & now my 12yo dd who is getting into brands goes to Vinted as her first option for expensive items. Sometimes we can't find what we want second hand so have to buy new. I love Vinted

I agree that it’s more prevalent in middle class areas. My sister works in a very wealthy area and they have pre loved uniform swaps. Our school is in a much less privileged area and it’s unheard of. I don’t know how much of that is down to a lot of families qualifying for the uniform grant or attitudes towards accepting second hand items. We also noticed a preloved children’s store in a shopping centre near us which is in one of the wealthiest areas in Glasgow. I think it’s a totally different mindset.

She will love the wrapping paper. If you really want to push the boat out, a nice box???
but what is really worth the money (second hand or new) is stuff like a wooden kitchen and wooden food - last absolutely years.
stuff like frilly dresses are not really for the child, they are for the grown ups, she won’t care. And I’d rather have quality, organic second hand clothes than brand new primak.
oh, and an absolute favourite for a second birthday are plasters!

We're a fairly high earning household and I now buy most of DS(8) and DD(6) clothes from Vinted. To be honest I feel guilty about the about I money I wasted on new clothes when they were tiny. No need at all.

Is this a humble brag? You know this is no issue, you know you have a choice and can afford to buy what you like. Luckily many buy lots of new stuff so others can buy it second hand. Do what you want.

Second hand is better for the environment. Even if I were really wealthy ( which I’m not!) I would still try to get quality seconds over buying new. I love a yellow sticker bargain too as I hate the thought of food going to landfill. Keep going with your thrifty style and try to encourage DD to be the same as she grows up. You’ll be doing the world a favour.