To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

If you can afford to buy yourself lots of new things and get your nails and lashes done, then you are absolutely unreasonable if you only buy second hand for your child. It is selfish to put yourself before your own baby. You’re there looking flash in nice clothes and she’s wearing hand me downs. Stuff does look worn and not new after a while, even if it is still in good condition. I bet your family don’t want to be rude to tell you to stop prioritising yourself. Normally people buy new with the first and hand down to the second / third. Are you planning on giving third / fourth hand to your next baby?

Enjoy your time with your daughter, buy new occasionally if it makes you happy, buy second hand most of the time, put money into her saving account and would you consider the many needy children’s charities both at home and abroad ( Mary’s Meals one I am involved with).
You are very fortunate to have a choice lots don’t, I live charity shops (not big income) but with charity savings I can given happily to few charities.

Things look worn after a few washes whether they have been worn by another child or your own. There is nothing wrong with clothes that look worn and washed, or third or fourth hand, they are not single use! It doesn't mean washed out, misshapen or stained.

There will be no ‘next baby’ how presumptuous! Thanks for your concern judgement though! ----

No! Im obsesses with Vinted. Gone from spending £50 on each pair of kids trainers to £15 in good condition. I can afford to buy brand new but why would i

I'd say most of my high-earning friends are proud users of Vinted, NCT sales, etc. I bought all new for DD1 and spent a fortune and it's pointless. She grew out of half the stuff after one wear, some stuff still has tags on it, and I feel a bit ill thinking about the cost of it all when a baby doesn't give a shit. DD2 is wearing almost entirely DD1's old stuff or bundles I get from Vinted. A lot of stuff on Vinted is in nearly new condition. I bought a multipack of tops with tags still on from Next on there for £5; they were selling for four times that on the Next website.

Also £100 for a first birthday is a lot, and I'm a bit of an OTT birthday and Xmas spender!

I would avoid new stuff from Primark though as it's generally poor quality and fast fashion isn't great ethically. I'd rather spend the same on less stuff from better brands.

You spend a lot of money on new clothes for yourself, get your nails and lashes done monthly, have admitted your family think you’re tight and you are selfish. All the while, buying nothing new when it comes to clothes or toys for your child. Im sure she looks fine, but you’re saving on your child whilst splurging on yourself. You’re right, I am judging you. So are your own family by the sounds of it. You have skewed priorities and it’s pretty sad.

Essentially, things that matter to babies are not things like new clothes or expensive toys. It's social engagement, experiences, freedom to explore in a safe environment. If you can take the money you would spend on new clothes and put it into a savings account that will accrue interest for 16 years, that's going to make much more of a difference than new clothes for a 12mo baby who doesn't care.

As your child gets older, it changes a bit. Older kids and teens will want specific things and the cost of birthdays and things rises with designer labels and tech stuff. But while your children are young and uninterested in where their clothes have come from or even what they look like, it makes sense to buy decent stuff second-hand and use the money saved for their future instead.

Things do look worn, and that’s fine most of the time. That’s why it’s nice for a child do have something crisp and fresh from time to time, and especially for a special occasion.

Genuinely surprised that so many people from high earning households only buy second hand.

Why? Everyone I know (all mid to high earners) proudly buy stuff second hand. The parents at my sons' private school all buy as much uniform as they can second hand - there is a thriving second hand uniform Facebook page! I can't remember the last time I bought clothes new from an actual clothes shop!

All my children have had second hand or hand me downs. All teens now. It’s saved thousands and been good for the planet. They find their own bargains now and splash out on special things

Make sure you buy her shoes new, to fit her feet (when she gets to shoes)

But at this age, second hand clothes are really good quality. Children grow out of them fast, so they haven't had much wear and are good quality second hand. As they got older, that's no longer so true. So, this is the perfect age to be buying secondhand clothes.

What utter hogwash.

The needs of an adult are vastly different from the needs of a baby.

Furthermore, parents in a non-toxic household are sublimating their every wish to that of the child.

Babies and young children have zero care if their clothes/ toys are 'brand' new or 'new' to them unless adults teach them to care about such things. If you love your kids are care about their future, buying second hand and/ or passing stuff between friends and family is the right thing to do, regardless of income. Buying loads of brand new stuff for babies is pointless so pretty silly but more importantly, environmentally wasteful. All this unnecessary stuff contributes to climate change.

Buying super cheap 'new' clothes from Primark, supermarkets etc, you might wonder how they are manufactured so cheaply? Other children in the world poss being expoited as cheap labour so UK babies can own bag fulls of new cheap clothes in their first few months?

Oh don't be daft. Being able to afford it doesn't mean you're obliged to waste money.
OP, those nosey parkers need to butt out.

For a special occasion, once clothing being brand new has some meaning for the child and if they actually care about that. Many would still not care if a special occasion outfit had been worn once or twice by another child.

Don't the exotic holidays just cancel out all your attempts at helping the environment? 🤷

Reuse recycle. At that age she doesn’t care and won’t for many years yet. Save your money for when she and her friends go into social media advertising driven ‘I absolutely must have brand X shoes’ mode at around age 11 :)

🙈

Okay so everyone on mumsnet not only earns 100k + but only buys second hand for the “environment”. Got it.

She said she did various things for environmental reasons and then said "lots of exotic trips". Seems a bit of a contradiction.

Mine are 3 & 10 and a good amount of their wardrobes came courtesy of vinted!

I buy very good-nwt condition and get decent brands for a couple of quid, cheaper than cheap high street, the money is usually going to another mum, and it's eco friendly, what's not to love?

I've bought a few Christmas presents from vinted as well, same as I've bought some from marketplace and eBay. I see absolutely nothing wrong with (well looked after) second hand toys or clothes.

My eldest often has a look through with me, he knows they're not brand new and it doesn't bother him at all

You spend a lot of money on new clothes for yourself, get your nails and lashes done monthly, have admitted your family think you’re tight and you are selfish. All the while, buying nothing new when it comes to clothes or toys for your child. Im sure she looks fine, but you’re saving on your child whilst splurging on yourself. You’re right, I am judging you. So are your own family by the sounds of it. You have skewed priorities and it’s pretty sad.

Ergh. What have I just read?!