To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

The only thing that dd1 had new was her high chair (Christmas present from grandparents) and various clothes that were gifts when she was born. Even her nappies were second hand.
Her cot and pushchairs were both over 30 years old-and they did all three children, and almost all of the equipment I got was 2nd hand.
For the girls they only got new clothes as underwear , presents, clothes I made, and the odd occasion they needed something specific that I couldn't find second hand.
For ds he had new clothes from younger, partially because I started working, so had less time to look in charity shops, but also because boys' clothes seem to less available at our charity shops.

My youngest is now 16yo, and the other two are adults. They'll still happily get second hand if it's what they want. I remember once when the older two were young teens, and giving them a choice of second hand or new for something, but with the proviso that I was looking to pay a similar amount so they could potentially get better quality/more second hand. They both went for second hand.

I have the same approach as you. In the back on my mind, soon enough they will be teens and desperate for a £100 pair of trainers that all their friends have. So I think make the most of it while we can!

I've been earning well over 100K for some time now and still buy mostly secondhand. The only newly purchased furniture in my home are the upholstered pieces and mattresses (don't want anyone's bedbugs), the rest are antiques or 'shabby chic' secondhand goods or hand-me-downs from family. It's fun to use chalk paint and the like to refurbish them.

Aside from cost, the quality of older items is far superior to what is newly manufactured, in almost any regard. And the selection is greater, too.

Nothing wrong with clothing on Vinted, eBay etc., I have a large collection of vintage 1960s/70s sheets and pillow cases (it's a huge market, very easy to find never-opened packages from that era online), most of my garden tools were cast-offs or purchased at boot sales, etc., I've a huge box of picture frames from boot sales and charity shops so when something needs to be framed, I "shop" there. My toaster is at least 50 years old, fireplace tools were £6 at a little junk shop and far nicer than what I saw in shops. Etc etc.

When I wanted jewelery for a gala fundraising party last spring I bought beautiful vintage marcasite (sp?) and mother-of-pearl earrings, necklace and bracelet via Etsy - the quality if far above what's out there in chain shops for a fraction of the price.

Just the other day at a charity shop I got a gorgeous woven cotton blanket in a shade of raspberry that really complements a new (vintage) set of sheets just purchased for fall, featuring huge cabbage roses. £3. Would be 50 in any store. Books, of course.

I always prioritized paying off the mortgage and travel over consumer spending. It feels better to be debt-free than to be sporting the latest fashions or spending a day at the shops buying stuff.

Thinking about it, I also won't buy luggage used (again, bedbugs) or pillows, or underwear, but everything else is fair game. Usually for gifts, my family and I, and friends, exchange meaningful items we may already have. I gave my sister a refinished chair and a thoughtfully framed recipe card of mum's, for example; she said it was her favorite gift that year. She found a silk scarf for me with scenes from Paris, and also some hard-to-find pieces for my holiday village, both at charity shops. The thrill of the hunt and sharing of the stories behind the gifts is part of the fun.

Babies don't need £100 worth of presents! They don't need £10 worth of presents, for that matter.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sourcing toys from the secondhand marketplaces. And a lot of right: better for the environment, better to buy from a small business or individual than a big chain, better for the family to save money.

For my kids first birthdays I bought things like colourful maracas, tambourine, bath toys, bell shakers etc and wrapped them in nice boxes with tissue paper... every one of them loved playing with the box and scrunching the paper more than expensive presents!

I think it's sensible. The clothes they wear at their age are only theirs for a flash, and then they grow out of them. I can't remember when it switched but possibly between 1- 2, my DD started to stay in the same clothes for much longer and it felt more worthwhile buying clothes first hand.

I don't think £70 is too much for her birthday if you can afford it though, sadly that only gets you a few substantial toys.

Don't know why you'd feel guilty, she's 1 she won't know or care what she's wearing. Take it while you can before she starts to get older and want all the latest clothes fashion etc

Are you joking

It's not necessary

Dd asks for 2nd hand for my dgd birthday rather than buying brand new stuff

Why?

We buy second hand for the environmental benefits, and also because some things (furniture in particular) used to be made to a much higher standard. Household income well over 100k, but I can say honestly that we’d do the same if income was a fraction of that. I’d prefer to use our income on experiences with the children, and saving for their futures, rather than spending money on clothes that they don’t care about.

Why is this surprising? Consumerism, lining pockets of toy/clothes multinationals, using and throwing, and putting money into new clothes just doesn’t appeal to us. We massively overpay mortgage, save for kids, save for us, put money into kids activities and clubs - but live frugally in terms of preloved clothes, toys and cheap healthy and cooked from scratch meals made with simple, largely own brand supplies. There’s nothing particularly surprising there. Another similar income household pay decide to choose otherwise - neither is surprising really

She's a year old. She won't know. All that matters is that it is comfortable and it fits her. Dave your money until she's older and will appreciate something new.

If you can afford it OP, far better to save a few pounds every month for your DD for when she will want a deposit.

I really wouldn't worry about it. For a good 8 years, DS was clothed in second hand from birth. Toys/books were a mixture of new and secondhand.
For a while I really struggled to get decent secondhand boys clothes, think it was the age when they were worn out the most. He's 15 now and chooses his own clothes, often from Vinted/eBay. He loves getting a bargain!

I buy second hand for environment reasons.

I would rather buy nice brand second hand than primark new!

If you’re being careful with your money it will benefit her more than her having unnecessarily new stuff.

Why does the OP keep insisting she's 'tight' when it comes to her baby's clothes, after telling us she blew £100 on the same baby in Primark on clothes for just one Summer?

I buy second hand even when I could buy new.

Exactly! There is nothing in Primark that you can't find a better version of on Vinted or eBay.

Buy good quality second-hand and then you know she's getting great stuff (you might not necessarily save money.) As they get older they will insist on new / branded so c'est la vie.

And if you see something in a shop you love get it for her - it's a mix and match thing, not a way of life!!

I put YABU to feel guilty.

We are very comfortable financially but buy the kids loads of secondhand. Would rather invest for their future. Once they've worn it once it's not new anyway!

Its fine!

Don't feel guilty at all. We are a high income household (comfortable 6 figures) 90% of the children's clothes and toys come from vinted and other second hand retailers. The only exceptions would be a birthday party dress for example. We do this for environmental reasons and also just value for money (growing up poor means we have a certain mindset about what is worthwhile to spend money on) We choose to spend our money on an amazing house which is a dream space for children, humongous garden, large playroom etc; private healthcare which has been a godsend with some health issues for the children that have arisen; lots of exotic holidays and fun days out, experiences, classes and extracurricular activities for the children. It's just a matter of priorities. When I went to baby groups there would be mums there spending an arm and a leg on designer clothes for the kids and driving fancy range rovers but would still quibble about spending on days out or experiences and lived in tiny houses without any room to swing a cat. It's all a matter of choice and we all make decisions about what to spend money on. Don't worry about anyone else and what they think, just prioritise what is important to you as a family and if that means buying second hand and spending your money on something else then so be it.

How does your DD feel about her clothes? She couldn't care less, as long as she is clothed and fed.
I loved the FB bundles when mine were little, got some lovely items I'd have never bought in the shops.

If anyone says anything say it's better for the environment!

My kids had everything second hand till they grew out of NCT sale age, so about 5/6. They got better labels / better quality clothes than I could afford.

My daughter is 14 and still loves a second hand bargain, what the point in buying one new dress when same money gets you two on Vinted etc.