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Original poster

To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

198 replies

Flowerdaschund · 06/08/2023 11:08

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 06/08/2023 12:38

Spend what you like. But don’t think she’s ‘deprived’ or feel guilty - babies and small children REALLY don’t care if their toys and clothes are new or secondhand. They’ll be used to whatever you show them is normal. Up to you if that’s commercial consumerism or a more conscious way of living.

CurlewKate · 06/08/2023 12:39

It's important to remember that working class and lower income families have to be much more careful about second hand and charity shops because they are so much more likely to be judged.

Daphnis156 · 06/08/2023 12:42

Glad to know you are a high earner.
As for the clothes I suppose they are OK if disinfected, and deloused.

woodhill · 06/08/2023 12:43

I don't think you should feel guilty for the reasons the others have said

megletthesecond · 06/08/2023 12:46

Seriously, save your money. They get more expensive.
Second hand is better for your bank balance and the planet. Mine are teens and they still have the odd charity shop item.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/08/2023 12:59

Incognito2023 · 06/08/2023 11:17

Not tight, it’s frugal and sensible.
Maybe reframe it in your head as not being wasteful with world resources?
But definitely don’t feel guilty about it, as long as 2nd hand items are clean and safe it’s fine.

Yes this.

Blueroses99 · 06/08/2023 13:05

It’s doesn’t have to be one or other. Mainly second hand bundles plus a few new items when you want is fine. It would only be ‘depriving’ her if you deliberately didn’t new buy things that you/she wanted just because it was new, or if you bought unsuitable items just because they were second hand.

FindingTheFox · 06/08/2023 13:13

My DC are 10 & 7 and we still get most of their clothes from Vinted. They both love a good charity shop rummage too. We're not poor but it's always good to save a vit of money, plus it's better for the environment.

RedRobyn2021 · 06/08/2023 13:17

90% of my DD clothes have always been second hand or gifted.

Before she was born I bought her a pack of 3 baby grows new and travel system (which I regret buying now).

She's 2.5 and we still buy most things second hand, don't feel bad! Some of us aren't swimming in money and they grow out of them fast.

I sell some on really cheap and grow a little pot on Vinted to put towards more.

RedRobyn2021 · 06/08/2023 13:18

Also it's better for the environment

RedRobyn2021 · 06/08/2023 13:18

Because even if you're a high income household, there's no point throwing money away.

MrsS2009 · 06/08/2023 13:20

We get loads from vinted. Car boots and our neighbours just moved out and their daughter gave us 3 binbags of clothes and shoes for my 2 girls who are 15&12, loads of it still had tags on, we took what we needed and passed on the rest.

my 2 send me links on vinted for stuff they want

NoLostCause · 06/08/2023 13:22

I buy most things second hand. Most of DS1's clothes age 0-4 were eBay or Vinted bundles. Now DS2 is wearing them, so they're both second hand and hand me downs. They don't care, and second hand clothes are usually still great quality and/or hardly worn.

1983Louise · 06/08/2023 14:04

I buy nearly everything second hand for my granddaughter, it obviously has to be clean and tidy. A wooden doll's house with furniture and little people -£8, a beautiful book 50p, balance bike £3 etc. I can't understand even if you can afford it why spend a fortune on new for young children. Half the fun is finding the bargains..............

itsmellslikepopcarn · 06/08/2023 14:09

Nope, I wouldn’t feel bad at all! I shopped mostly secondhand for DD when she was little, at that age they bought so much stuff, you can find some new or almost new stuff in charity shops! She’s 7 now and clothes obsessed so I’m always looking but there’s less available for that age.

babbscrabbs · 06/08/2023 14:10

My DC1 had second hand everything. Bed, buggy, sling, clothes, toys. I think we even used a second hand lightly used car seat we knew the history of. We could have afforded new. (In hindsight should have got a new buggy!)

Buying £100 of Primark clothes is not all second hand anyway.

They're 10 now and 50% of clothes still second hand.

Think about what's really important in life.

Is it having pretty dresses or brand new toys?

No.

It doesn't matter a jot and you are doing your DD and the planet a favour by not buying all new.

ShanghaiDiva · 06/08/2023 14:11

Completely normal imo to have second hand items. I was born in the 60s and school jumpers were hand knitted and books and toys passed from sibling to cousin. My own ds had a second hand car seat (from a friend) together with toys and clothes and these were then used by dd.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/08/2023 14:12

When ours were born, they had a lovely cot, highchair, pram, moses basket. All high quality and well looked after. When they were outgrown, I phoned social services and asked if they would like them. I was curtly dismissed "our clients are provided with brand new equipment". I get the H&S angle, but think things could be checked over. They were more than good enough for the first child of two investment bankers.

It's a question of priorities.

babbscrabbs · 06/08/2023 14:13

My DC1 had second hand everything. Bed, buggy, sling, clothes, toys. I think we even used a second hand lightly used car seat we knew the history of. We could have afforded new. (In hindsight should have got a new buggy!)

Buying £100 of Primark clothes is not all second hand anyway.

They're 10 now and 50% of clothes still second hand.

Think about what's really important in life.

Is it having pretty dresses or brand new toys?

No.

It doesn't matter a jot and you are doing your DD and the planet a favour by not buying all new.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 06/08/2023 14:22

Luxell934 · 06/08/2023 11:17

I was with you all the way until the last line that you are a "high earning household". I assumed you were struggling to be honest, not that a high earner can't use Vinted/charity shops. Seems a bit tight though as she's your only child and you can afford it.

What nonsense.

It behooves everyone to use secondhand goods whenever possible, for the sake of the environment and other species.

OP, you are doing a great thing for your child. Keep up the good work!

Original poster
Flowerdaschund · 06/08/2023 14:40

Sorry, posted this and then had to go out.

I think attitudes like Luxell’s is why I feel bad. I never feel like I’m ‘treating’ my daughter and for some reason, that does make me feel bad.

I think some of the reason is makes me feel bad is that I don’t scrimp on myself 😳 I buy new clothes, get me nails and eyelashes done etc. I spend a lot more on me than I do her and before you have children you’re led to believe that they should come first and most of what you spend should be on them 😳

Anyway, you’re right, she’s clothed in nice, clean clothes so that’s the main thing, shouldn’t matter about where they come from. I do feel like I’d like to start spending a bit more on her though so I might start buying the odd new thing too (I know that’s crazy, I just can’t shake the ‘I’m not a good enough/ selfless enough mum’ feeling)

OP posts:
woodhill · 06/08/2023 14:45

RosesAndHellebores · 06/08/2023 14:12

When ours were born, they had a lovely cot, highchair, pram, moses basket. All high quality and well looked after. When they were outgrown, I phoned social services and asked if they would like them. I was curtly dismissed "our clients are provided with brand new equipment". I get the H&S angle, but think things could be checked over. They were more than good enough for the first child of two investment bankers.

It's a question of priorities.

Yes so annoying

TheKeatingFive · 06/08/2023 14:47

Get her new stuff if you want. Stick to second hand if you want. It's entirely up to you, not sure why you're finding it difficult. She doesn't care, she's only one.

Badbadtromance · 06/08/2023 14:48

Save your cash for when she's a teenager. Mine all had second hand everything 🤣.

woodhill · 06/08/2023 14:50

Exactly or savings for university when they don't want a huge student debt

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