To feel guilty that we only buy secondhand for our DD?

[Flowerdaschund]

DD is nearly 1.

Before she arrived I bought loads of babygrows and vests etc new. Her pram and all the ‘big’ nursery items were new and obviously bottles etc.

Anyway, since she grew out of all her 0-3 month clothes, I just started buying bundles on Vinted and Facebook marketplace for clothes. The only new clothes she’s had since 3 months old are ones my mum or other relatives buy her. Actually, we did have a family holiday in May and I went to Primark the week before and bought £100 worth of summer clothes for her, but that’s it. Other than that, every clothing item is secondhand.

With toys, we’ve never bought her any ‘new’ toys, they’ve all been hand me downs from cousins etc and then lately when she’s gotten bored, I’ve been going to charity shops or again, buying toy bundles off Vinted.

I went food shopping the other day and the supermarket had a clothes sale on and there were loads of gorgeous dresses, reduced to £10 from £15 etc. I really wanted to grab a few bits but I thought to myself, I can buy 2-3 items for £30/£40 but I could get loads on Vinted for that.

It’s her 1st birthday in a week and DH was saying what was the point of getting her loads of things as she’ll be getting loads from family and she doesn’t understand it’s her birthday anyway. I picked out a few items I want to get her, totalling about £70 and he said he thought that was too much to spend on her for her first birthday. I’m going to buy them all anyway, I don’t care, I feel like she should have some special, new items for her first birthday.

I dunno, I guess I see all these people buying pretty clothes and outfits and loads of toys etc and I worry she’s disadvantaged or missing out from having pretty much everything second hand and I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with this for too long?

I think some family members (who really spoil their children) think we’re tight as we’re a fairly high earning household 😳

Are we being tight only buying her second hand or cheap, Primark clothes?

NO! My household income is £120k and we buy pretty much EVERYTHING secondhand (for the kids and for us). Better for the environment, means money goes to people rather than big companies, and means we have more cash for holidays etc (and private school fees!). Win!

I buy all DCs stuff secondhand except for the odd thing for birthday and Christmas. For their first Christmas we got them ONE thing because from family they had over 30 gifts. Way too many for a 10mo old. I think it's better for the planet and admirable. Yanbu buying from Vinted.

But I vote yabu for supporting fast fashion in Primark!

I had lots of hand me down clothes and toys as a child. It was never a bad thing and I never felt lesser because of it. There weren't as much mass produced clothes as much in the 90s.

She’s not missing out on anything. She’s a baby and hasn’t a clue whether anything’s new or not.
Buying 2nd hand - if the clothes and toys are still nice - is just sensible.
If you’ve got money to burn, why not put some in a savings account for her?

Actually to the pp who buys her dd private glasses frames, well done. I had round plastic NHS ones as a child, and an eye patch. My mother made me have the blue ones because pink was for pretty, frilly girls. It's a disappointment and sense if shame that has always stayed with me even though I had a pony

One year olds are not disadvantaged by getting second hand clothes covered in cack, rather than brand new expensive ones.

Having said that, expensive days out for one year olds are bonkers. All they need at that age are rock pools, examining shells, making footprints, kicking leaves, and a few swings.

A lot of the free ones are pretty snazzy nowadays. The poster you were replying to sounds a bit snobby. If my daughter needs glasses I have no problems with the free ones.

My DD, 4, thinks clothes come from supermarkets or friends who have grown out of them.

@ginandtonicwithlimes I'm not passing judgement on the pp. However, my experience would have meant, and did, that dd and ds had their pick from the range of childrens' glasses on offer.

Just because you have money doesn't mean you should waste it. Buying good quality second hand clothes for small children is environmentally friendly and her DC will absolutely not care. OP could put the money saved into a savings account for her future or donate to children's charities. Far better use of the money than putting it in the pockets of big retailers just because she feels guilty.

She may feel differently in few years when her DD starts to take an interest in clothes, but for now second hand is not an issue.

I've bought very little new for my baby who is almost 1. They don't know and won't remember, it's better for the environment to buy second hand, they only wear/ use/ play with things for a short amount of time.

the less you spend now the more money you'll have to enjoy experiences with her as she gets older

OP I'm just like you!

My daughter is 11 weeks.

I bought her travel system, next to me and all bottles/dummies new

Everything else has been eBay, Vinted or Facebook marketplace. Her new clothes are all gifts, I buy bundles and wash and store them ready for her next growth spurt.

We could afford all brand new clothes for her, but I wince looking at the price tags of £10 for an outfit when I can buy her almost new for a fraction of the price. She's growing so fast an outfit will fit one day and not fit the next!

I do get a bit of mum guilt but I'd rather she have plenty of clean clothes to wear than be rotating a few outfits.

As long as things are clean and in good condition what does it matter if you're not the first owner. We won't be the last either, I will either gift them or sell them on when she's done!

Totally fine. I grew up in a very low income family. All our clothes came from charity shops or hand me downs and I honestly didn’t know any different as a child, I never noticed it or was bothered by it. When I was a teen I was more self conscious and at this point my parents bought me a few new bits and I got a paper round so that I could save up and buy myself a new pair of trainers or school bag etc. Now I have my own children and we have a very high household income, but I still buy about half of my children’s clothes on eBay, vinted etc and my kids love going into charity shops! But I also buy them nice new things too. A balance is great as they get older. But babies and toddlers- all new clothes is a total waste of money.

I used to know a family with three children. They were fairly well off but bought everything second hand or had it passed down. The mum kept a rough note of how much they had saved each month, then invested it in accounts for the children. They had enough for driving lessons at 17, cars at 18 and a huge chunk of university fees.

I don't feel that the children were in any way deprived and two of them grew up to work in the environmental sector.

So why did you decide to buy your daughter 2nd hand stuff?

Why should someone not buy second hand because they can afford to buy new?

When I read your thread title, I assumed you were skint and was ready to say yanbu.

Actually I think it sounds really shitty. Nothing wrong with some second hand stuff. I got loads of great hand me downs for my DC. However, you just sound miserly and tight to me. Especially describing how you splash out on yourself. You do sound quite selfish.

If dd goes through old photos from when she was little she will say "oh look, that blue stripey dress was Rebecca's or I loved that velvety dress, it was Olivia's, or look at me in Amelia's coat". There was a mum from school who was chuffed as bits to get dd's cast offs. However, I once asked a single parent mum if she'd like dd's uniform and got my head bitten off. Paradoxically all the dc in hand me downs could have had new stuff ten times over.

We are a high earning household who
are very “tight” on buying consumables.

Used preloved clothing from ethical brands for very cheap.

Never new and definitely never new from unethical places.

all thrift shops :)

And there's something particularly horrible about quibbling over paying less than £100 on birthday presents for your precious baby daughter...when you're a high income household.

I don't think my DC ever had loads of clothes, old or new. At 1 dd lived in leggings and dungarees. By 3/4 still leggings with shorts, skirts and the occasional dress but probably only 6/7 changes and a couple of tidier bits.

Genuinely surprised that so many people from high earning households only buy second hand.

It's a baby.

Besides, teaching mindless consumerism or that spending money equals happiness is wrong, wrong, wrong for so many reasons. Being mindful is not "miserable."

We were never allowed to buy from the ice cream van as my mother kept far cheaper ice lollies on hand. Later in life she told me they couldn't afford the ice cream van when she was a SAHP, because they were saving for other things. Guess what, both my sister and I graduated from uni (and, in my sister's case, also her law degree) with zero debt, because our parents prioritized education over thoughtless spending on "treats."

We still had plenty of fun gifts and toys, more than enough I'd say. And they were oriented toward brain development and real-life skills, such as art supplies, child-size tools for building things, gardening gear, baking supplies, books and crafts, etc. instead of inanimate objects branded to Disney or other corporations.

Yeah I doubt I spent £100 on dc clothes his entire first year - gifts from family and friends covered the first 6-9 months (we got so much 0-3 I took lots back and got bigger sizes) then I just picked up odd bits from NCT sales or charity shops for him. Our baby coffee morning also did a great swop shop idea where you could trade items that maybe weren't your taste or the right size.

A baby really doesn't need much clothing - warm and clean with enough for changes due to sick/poo and appropriate for the season.