Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

[captainmarvella]

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot.

Bedroom 1 - DH & I
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child

Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$.

I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family)

AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

I would just split the villa bill 3 ways. Certainly wouldn't occur to me to split hairs over children's rooms.
However I'd set the expectations over food/drink from the beginning and suggest separate bills.

Tbh i can't think of anything worse than going away with a bunch of people I'm not even close enough to to discuss how to share costs. You'll end up paying a third of the dinner each night whilst the teenagers eat like horses.

I'd run a mile

This is good.

Fairest for me is to divide by 4 & each kids room counts as 1/2 coz not as nice.
So $750 for you and $1125 for the others.

Teenage/Adult kids will eat/drink just as much as adults so definitely need to set boundary now on split of costs.

If they're teenage boys they will eat and drink far more than the adults

OP, it sounds like your friend is behaving like Billy Big Bollixs and expecting you to partially fund her in laws holiday with her.

Telling you it is a third each first on the group WhatsApp is plain rude.

I would absolutely expect her to say lets divide the bills by 3 too, whilst there.

You either say your peice clearly or suck it up.

You could well come back from this "holiday" stressed out.

The hotel half board would have been the better option but would have been trickier for her to get you to fund.

Its one thing if she had initiated the conversation privately, but the public assumption would grate with me.

And as for the appetites of teens, huge.

My 6ft+ slim sons are bottomless pits of food, constantly grazing, snacking, throwing on this or that to eat.

When we have done this holidaying with wider family we have counted the number of adults, then counted each child as one half. Whatever the number tots up to for each family then they pay that fraction of the cost.

We divvyed up the food bills by whoever did the shopping that day putting the receipts (indicating which family had paid) in a bowl. At the end of the holiday we did a similar tot up as above and levelled up what each family had paid.

This!

Sadly, OP, I think whatever you and your husband agree this time will set precedence for future holidays.. 🌹

In which case.....
800 for each en suite
300 each for the other bedrooms

I think you need to be wary here. If I were one of the other parties in the WhatsApp and a 3-way split had been suggested, I would chime in that it's not fair and suggest a more proportionate split (as many of us on here would). If they haven't done this (and they have seen the messages), then you can bank on BIL and his DP being CFs and expecting you and DH to bankroll them and their son. They are already dictating that it will be a villa holiday, they are not negotiating. Just keep your CF antenna on.

Just to point out that teenagers (especially boys from my experience) can eat more than adults. I would be wary of food bills being split in 3.

Our ds eats more than either my husband or I. He's not greedy just growing and does a lot of sport!

You miss the fact that every villa guest gets that benefit and the two other groups are larger. By your logic OP would pay a 2/7 share of the costs.

Or how about this for a twist. Pay the full 3K yourselves and then you won’t resent them 🤣🤣

Your friend is not understanding that you are subsidising their holiday. The same will go for food. She will see there are three families so split of three ways . Often happens in certain cultures. Best nip it in the bud

I would be happy to split the villa 3 ways.
I would also say that food and meals should be split by family.

This. It is only the start. You’ll be subsidising their holiday from start to finish.

In this case it really does need to be per room.

If you're happy to suck up the villa split fine but the food needs done per person.

Well this is awkward. It sounds mostly as if the celebration is very much for the other side of the family and the family members are all that side as well.

I would personally prefer a fair split per bedroom so that the families stump up the amount it costs - and then treat them to a meal, something completely separate from being made to pay a third.

What will happen when you go out to eat, will be you paying thirds then too, when there are so many more people present?

Definitely needs to be defined and sorted out now. Has your husband said yes to this plan already, to your family, I mean?

Think of it the other way, would you ever proffer that your family subsidises your holiday? If you can afford it and want to do that then obviously it's fine - but it shouldn't just be assumed otherwise why are you there? To prop up the family financially or celebrate with them? Very different prospect indeed.

How awkward.

You could wait and see what BIL family says. Perhaps they might point out the obvious discrepancy.
At this point you could graciously agree to split into 3, but say can you do meals and food per person.

I can hear the tinkling laughter, the noise of kids, the splashing in the pool, the (heated) discussions over where to eat out, the mish mash of paying for "communal" stuff including meals. Towels and clothes all over the place, kitchen in a (teenage) blitz, and so on...OMG.

I am just letting off my own steam here so have no solutions apart from nailing down the holiday expenses from the start - I'd suck it up and split three ways for accommodation, but not for everything else I'm afraid.

My family is very close and united. We have NEVER gone on holiday together, same with friends. That's why we are still a close family, and we still have our friends!

When we have done this holidaying with wider family we have counted the number of adults, then counted each child as one half. Whatever the number tots up to for each family then they pay that fraction of the cost.

Although BiL’s 19 yo child should count as an adult!!

Well I don't think you can divide accommodation cost by room, as it sounds like there are three good rooms and two poor rooms, so unless you're prepared to draw straws I don't think it's fair for them to pay as much for the poor rooms as for the good rooms. If the kids aren't drinking, then dividing the restaurant bills per person means that they'll be subsidising your drink costs, so perhaps that would balance out what you've subsidised for their rooms over the week?