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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

211 replies

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:25

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot.

Bedroom 1 - DH & I
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child

Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$.

I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family)

AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 06/08/2023 08:32

ThroughGraceAlone · 06/08/2023 08:19

I get why you feel 3vway split is unfair, but I don't think a per room split is fair either. Because now a big en suite room costs the same as a small room that has to share a bathroom. So if it was them posting on MN, 'we're going on a holiday and friends wants us to pay for our room and then they same amount for our kids that have to use a communal bathroom'
Like I kind of get their point too. If this was a hotel, you wouldn't pay the same for an en suite than a smaller room and kids normally pay less

Thus why a split on per person of off spring or child at half price would work out fairer - the children/off spring share communal bathroom and often don’t drink wine at meals etc, so get a cheaper rate but are not free and subsidised by other parties

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:33

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:25

Had a chat with DH just now about this and he nonchalantly says, "Of course at some point or other we would be subsidising their costs. I knew this would happen when you said the BIL's family is also coming along."

!!!

Show quote history

It sounds like your DH is fine with that and you can afford it. Is there a particular reason why you don't want to? You've acknowledged that they are less financially stable than you. Is it a matter of money or principle?

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:33

Selttan · 06/08/2023 08:30

My friends and I often go away and share a big house. Not everyone has kids or partners (me being one) and we tend to split it by adult.

My question is - if the BILs family wasn't coming would you get a smaller place and would it be cheaper? If not, I'd just do the 3 way split but make sure it's for accommodation only not anything else like food / transport.

We'd have probably opted for an all incl hotel if it was just us, or even with Friend's family. Only because the BIL's family came along and with 9 guests it made more sense to rent a villa

OP posts:
Tracker1234 · 06/08/2023 08:34

I agree you are subsiding the other people so you definitely need to bring this up now. Could you imagine every meal out will be split three ways, every supermarket shop the same!

I honestly don’t know why people think it’s the right way to split and I wonder why your friend thinks like this too?

AtlasPine · 06/08/2023 08:34

BigBessie · 06/08/2023 07:40

I'd pay the 1000 and would expect the best room

Yes this. With an en suite if there aren’t en suites in all the rooms.

Paq · 06/08/2023 08:34

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:27

Ok.. I see what you mean. But still my friend and her BIL each get two rooms for 1000$. I get only one room for the same! I don't mind sleeping in a separate bedroom 😏 away from DH's snoring

Everyone going has the same amount of bedroom space. Some of the people going can't afford to pay because they are kids or not working.

Why don't you bill the kids your excess and ask them to start paying their debt off when they start working?

Trethew · 06/08/2023 08:34

I agree the rental and the food/drinks/transport costs are divided per head. Simple. Teenagers are not children in terms of appetite, they eat at least as much as adults. Surely you would not expect to pay one third of a restaurant or a supermarket bill when you are only two of the nine.

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:36

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:27

Ok.. I see what you mean. But still my friend and her BIL each get two rooms for 1000$. I get only one room for the same! I don't mind sleeping in a separate bedroom 😏 away from DH's snoring

No they don't. They get their one room. Their children get the other room.

Perhaps you need to cancel the holiday.

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:37

Paq · 06/08/2023 08:34

Everyone going has the same amount of bedroom space. Some of the people going can't afford to pay because they are kids or not working.

Why don't you bill the kids your excess and ask them to start paying their debt off when they start working?

Show quote history

The children are not OP’s problem, they are their parents problem.

So many freeloaders on this thread.

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:38

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:36

No they don't. They get their one room. Their children get the other room.

Perhaps you need to cancel the holiday.

Show quote history

Yes, they do get two rooms, because they are family units. It’s not OP’s job to subsidise other people’s kids.

barlie · 06/08/2023 08:38

Yourebeingtooloud · 06/08/2023 07:50

I think it’s fine to split the villa costs this way but you don’t want to be splitting meals and other costs 3 ways too, particularly as the children are older / adults. I’d accept the villa split but set something out now about other costs during the holiday.

This. Eating out with a precedent of others being funded by you, sounds seriously inadvisable. I would say now that you're ok with paying a bit more than your share for the accommodation, but food and transport will need to be divided per person. If they then start quibbling about how much the kids eat etc then it might be time to pull out.

Mookie81 · 06/08/2023 08:39

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:36

No they don't. They get their one room. Their children get the other room.

Perhaps you need to cancel the holiday.

Show quote history

Their children, not the OP's, so they can pay for their room not her!
Stop chatting with your DH about it, it's your friend not his and you're not comfortable so speak up. Clear things up now or it's going to be a rough holiday.

LimeCheesecake · 06/08/2023 08:40

I think you need to private message your friend - just say that while you are ok with subsidising the villa by splitting by 3 rather than splitting by person or by room, you just wanted to check how food bills etc will be split?

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:41

LimeCheesecake · 06/08/2023 08:40

I think you need to private message your friend - just say that while you are ok with subsidising the villa by splitting by 3 rather than splitting by person or by room, you just wanted to check how food bills etc will be split?

But OP’s not ok with splitting the villa cost by 3. It’s not fair to her.

If people can’t afford a holiday then they shouldn’t go.

sadaboutmycat · 06/08/2023 08:41

I would have a different take on this.

Could you have a villa holiday like this for just you and DH for $1000? If not, I would happily pay it, as them being there is enabling you to do it.
I'd just make it clear that you will not be splitting anything else that way.

nevynevster · 06/08/2023 08:41

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:13

I think this is what my DH means by not making things awkward. He fears if I object vocally to the 3 way split, it will make us appear heartless.

I am very sorry for BIL's DP of course. Does this mean I should pay extra 400$ for this holiday. Where does this stop then? Are we all going to subsidise their food bills also for the week? I think I'm more bothered about the request itself, that we pay 1k $ each for the villa, without private conversation about it.

Show quote history

So as a compromise why don't you say

Hey everyone, happy to agree to the 3 way split for the rooms but can we agree on a different arrangement for food, drinks etc for the holiday as we are only 2 vs everyone else so why don't we do a kitty and everyone puts in £xx [or whatever arrangement you want]

That way you are agreeing to the split but indirectly making the point around the uneven split and establishing that this can't continue for the holiday

Mumof2teens79 · 06/08/2023 08:41

captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 07:56

Not very close to friend's BIL but friendly enough. Quite fond of his kid whenever I dropped in at their place over the years (they all live as a joint family, we are not in UK)

The landmark event is not mine. My husband and I have allocated 500$ as gift for the person who is celebrating the event. The amount is because it is cultural / customary to give gold for this event.

(sorry I can't mention specifics, I don't want this to be too outing)

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OK so it's difficult to answer as you obviously have a different culture to mine.
That's a large gift!

In thus scenario- you have been invited by a friend and they have chosen/arranged then I would say per person is fairer...that way the organiser is paying the most. And then your "gift" offsets that.

That's kind of what gifts are....you arrange a birthday/wedding or other "party" and invite F&F at cost to yourself but then get "gifts" in return.
I don't agree with subsidising/paying to attend a party AND being expected to provide a significant gift...but a holiday is slightly different

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:42

sadaboutmycat · 06/08/2023 08:41

I would have a different take on this.

Could you have a villa holiday like this for just you and DH for $1000? If not, I would happily pay it, as them being there is enabling you to do it.
I'd just make it clear that you will not be splitting anything else that way.

OP and her DH wouldn’t need a 5 bed villa if they were going as a couple.

They would find a 1 bed for $1000.

A couple wouldn’t even want a 5 bed villa.

CherryMaDeara · 06/08/2023 08:44

nevynevster · 06/08/2023 08:41

So as a compromise why don't you say

Hey everyone, happy to agree to the 3 way split for the rooms but can we agree on a different arrangement for food, drinks etc for the holiday as we are only 2 vs everyone else so why don't we do a kitty and everyone puts in £xx [or whatever arrangement you want]

That way you are agreeing to the split but indirectly making the point around the uneven split and establishing that this can't continue for the holiday

Show quote history

Not a fair compromise, OP is still subsiding 2 bedrooms for the two families.

VictoriaVenkman · 06/08/2023 08:47

Oysterbabe · 06/08/2023 07:36

I think it should be split equally between the 7 adults.

Agree

WarmButteryCrumpets · 06/08/2023 08:47

rosiebl · 06/08/2023 08:00

Sets a precedence for your holiday OP. What if the restaurant bill comes at the end of your first meal and your friend says 'let's split three ways'. You will subsidise every turn if you aren't careful. I would just say something back in the WhatsApp group 'Thank you so much for organising friend. Whilst we are happy to put a little more in the pot for families using two bedrooms, as we are only using one bedroom, surely we shouldn't pay a straight third? How about we pay £800 and you each pay £1100'.

This sounds like a pretty good compromise.

If they're cheeky enough to expect you to split the villa three ways they will DEFINITELY do the same when eating out or making a kitty for grocery shopping.

It would make more sense for them to share a villa 50/50 and you and your dh to find a hotel nearby,

starrynight19 · 06/08/2023 08:47

TheGoodBanana · 06/08/2023 07:38

I think by room sounds fairest but how will that work if some rooms are better than others, en-suite for example or one room is a small box room.

If you can afford the extra then go with the 3 way split but stipulate that you get first choice of the bedrooms.

Yes make sure you get first choice of the room.
Also discuss how bills will be paid for food etc when you get there.

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:49

Lougle · 06/08/2023 08:33

It sounds like your DH is fine with that and you can afford it. Is there a particular reason why you don't want to? You've acknowledged that they are less financially stable than you. Is it a matter of money or principle?

Show quote history

We are already getting a gift so I don't think on top of that we are also expected to subsidise the holiday. Even if we are more well off than them...

Friend is aware I am buying an expensive gift for the landmark event.

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 06/08/2023 08:51

You should definitely counter suggest, and asap. Just because your friend suggested first doesn’t make her answer the final one!

someone up post suggested adults count as 1 and kids as half. Which makes loads of sense!

So split 3k by 7.5 and each share is 400. You pay for 2 shares ( 800), your friend for 3 ( 1200) , the last family pay for 2.5 shares (1000)
numbers are round and fair.

she is being a cf tbh and it’s better to nip it in the bud now or u risk paying 1/3 of all food costs during the holiday too. find it weird when people are quick to suggest things that skew in their favour, I would honestly be too embarassed

Original poster
captainmarvella · 06/08/2023 08:51

MikeRafone · 06/08/2023 08:32

Thus why a split on per person of off spring or child at half price would work out fairer - the children/off spring share communal bathroom and often don’t drink wine at meals etc, so get a cheaper rate but are not free and subsidised by other parties

Show quote history

Yes I agree... but DH feels this will label us as penny pinchers and sour the event planning. He is full of sympathy for the BIL family, the kid also went into depression after they lost their grandparents.

OP posts: