Help me do this pl - splitting holiday villa costs

[captainmarvella]

Morning. Planning a landmark event celebration next year in pool villa in a very sought after destination spot.

Bedroom 1 - DH & I
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child

Villa rental is 3000$ / week. Friend has suggested that each family pays 1000$.

I feel grumpy that the split is a threeway when my DH and I will use only one bedroom. But DH says not to make a fuss as it is a long awaited celebratory holiday and by being tight we will cast a shadow over the happy planning stage (we are not rich AT ALL but a bit more financially secure than my friend's or her BIL's family)

AIBU in thinking that I should be paying less for the villa rental.

Yeah it's time to have a conversation with her about this and I am not looking forward to it

I think I’d say something along the lines of
’yes I wasn’t sure how to split accommodation whether it should be by room or per person - hadn’t thought of split by family, happy to do that for the villa. For food and outings and so on shall we just pay per person?’

I get why you don’t want to be paying more
for everything but I’d be inclined
to sick up the accommodation cost if you can afford it. You know your friend and know whether they’re a CF or not.

The holiday is happening, whether we join or not. Friend is the organiser.

We holiday with my siblings every year and I was the last one to have children.

Prior to me having children, we always split the accommodation cost between the adults, which both my partner and I were happy with. How I saw it is, we can't occupy more than 1 bedroom anyway. If there was only 1 ensuite, my siblings always made sure that we got that room.

The overall accommodation cost was still cheaper than us holidaying alone somewhere.

Food costs, we ate out and always paid our own share of the bill, never split it. It was never even suggested to split it either. We all have the same number of children now and even now we pay for what we eat when we go out.

OP if you were to book somewhere that only had enough rooms for the adults to attend without the children, would it be cheaper than the £1000 you are expected to currently pay? I understand where you are coming from though and if one of the party is not happy with it, then the cost should be split by room.

I'd say split per room - £600 each. To be fair, I probably wouldn't care much as could the £1000. But if you accept splitting 3 ways now without any discussion I bet you will find them doing that the whole holiday. And before you know it, uts cost you an absolute fortune! (eg splitting restaurant bills or supermarket shop bills). So you absolutely should speak up now.

This is a very nice message. If you tell send this message and your friend gets pissed off with you for being a ‘penny pincher’ then she isn’t the friend you thought she was.

A split by bedrooms wouldn't be entirely fair given that some don't have en suites. Maybe offer to pay one fifth plus, say, £100?

My friend is my DH's friend too 😟obv not as close, but we socialise whenever we are in the same country. We haven't seen each other since the pandemic so we are looking forward to the holiday.

Also trip planning involves his money too so we always discuss trips together.

That message is very wish washy and unclear.

By room or by person is fairest, though perhaps the en suites priced higher ... all gets complicated. For eating out of split the food bill by person and the drinks bill by those drinking alcohol in some way, not fair to charge the teens parents an equal share if all the kids have drunk is soft drinks. I'd be tempted to split the drinks 3 ways

just about being thought of as heartless re BIL, remember money and emotions are separate. Poor BIL is possibly loaded due to his dad bereavement and can afford to pay his share. It’s the unfairness of the proposed £ split for each family not how much you care for others that is the issue here.

I’d split the cost of the villa 3 ways but ensure that the food is split more evenly

Four ways:

Split 1:
Bedroom 1 - DH & I

Split 2:
Bedroom 2 - Best Friend and her DH
Bedroom 3 - Friend's teenaged kids (2)

Split 3:
Bedroom 4 - Friend's BIL & his DP

Split 4:
Bedroom 5 - Friend's BIL's adult child (an adult - should pay)

*Split 2 is being mildly generous to the family with the kids but I think fair.

That's how I'd want it if it were me..

Thanks for everyone who answered, I could not reply each one of you but this is all such good advice. As we are still in the discussion stage, I am going to private message my friend this:

"dear friend, villa rental seems complicated, to split per family. It will become a head banger if every meal we need to bring out the calculator and keep doing the math. Shall we look for a half board hotel as Option B? So many things will get easier. We can request interconnecting rooms for the kids and hotels usually have shuttles, more entertainment options. what do you think?"

Going to see how she replies. If she says okay but can we find a good hotel in our budget, then I will help her to plan with that budget and if its a great hotel i don't mind subsidising it a bit

If she says no we prefer villa, then I will tell her what a few others have advised - ask her as non confrontationally as possible what is going to be the food and bills for the week, are they going to be split three ways too.

I think you split by number of bedrooms. Children/non earning guests are the responsibility of the parents. I'm a parent btw and this is how we do it!

Whether you suck it up on the villa or not, you need to mention other costs now before they start planning.

I would talk to your friend and just agree costs for everyone to make sure it's fair. Otherwise you're going to be worried about it for the next year and getting more and more worked up.

I haven't read the full thread yet so this might have already been said, but OP I am shocked that you are hoping for the master suite when you are neither the person celebrating a big life event, or the person doing the organising! This is swayed me massively from thinking it's a difficult situation, to you are tight and cheeky.

I think the suggestions of a split more like £750, £1125, £1125 is fairer than splitting evenly per bedroom or splitting three ways - but you can absolutely not go on this holiday expecting pick of the best!!!!

Do any of the rooms have en suite bathrooms while the others would be shared bathrooms? That would be a factor.

All rooms being equal (which I doubt they are) I would split half the cost by room and half by person. So $166 per person plus $300 per room. That means the couples pay $632, the family of 4 (with 2 teenagers) pays $1264, and the adult child pays $466 - although their parents might choose to subsidise them.

Surely you pay for you and dh can subsidise whoever he wants to? He can use his personal funds for that. He wants to appear minted then let him. You don't want to be a mug. That's also fab! Or she isn't your friend if she let's you pay for her family..

There are no master suites, if that helps? There are three lovely en suite double rooms, all with balconies with a view.

Why should DH be allowed to set precedents for OP’s interactions with her friend?

Your last post @captainmarvella sounds good, hopefully they'll see the sensibility of this.
As an aside, I often notice from threads here that the ones so keen to split bills whether for restaurant or holidays are the ones looking to be subsided!

I think it's unfair. I'd probably suck it up but if you don't say anything, I'd worry that everything will be split 3 ways.

I think you should make generous offer so that they pay a bit more, just so they know that it's not going to be a constant threeway divide. I also think you're going to resent every payment on holiday if you don't say something. If you know them all really well, just say you think it's a bit unfair to split three ways. Children, let alone teenage/ adult children, with their own rooms are NEVER free on any holiday. I have 3, I should know! Even when we dump one, holidays become massively cheaper.

Agree, half board is a much better option. No resentment as everyone has prepaid for their families.

Please let us know her response!

What are the other two rooms, then? Doubles without ensuite?