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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so embarrassed by my 5yo DD behaviour

233 replies

hellosunshin3 · 05/08/2023 10:05

I just had a friend over for the night.

DD,who is usually very pleasant, hardly acknowledged her and was so rude.

When she walked into the kitchen this morning, she walked straight past my friend without saying morning. When I said "what do you say to [friend], she bowed her head as though she had nothing to say.

When friend was leaving an hour or so later, she did the same thing and turned her head when I said "are you saying goodbye".

DH is socially awkward and was turning his back to do other stuff, butter his toast, make his coffee etc, when dear friend was talking to him. Made his breakfast and took it into the living room to eat it with the kids, saying he was looking after the kids but actually it was his way of escaping any social chat.

I'm so humiliated at them both. So cross at DD as she knows better and it's out of character. Was going to take them out for the day in this rain but feel as though she doesn't deserve to be treated after that behaviour. WWYD.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/08/2023 10:08

You're cancelling a day out because she didn't speak to your frien?. She's 5 and her house is her safe space, maybe she didn't want your friend there (not her choice I know but again she's 5 and is still learning). Yes it's not ideal and probably needs addressing but punishing her for it when your DH did exactly the same isn't the way to go

Original poster
hellosunshin3 · 05/08/2023 10:10

@sparepantsandtoothbrush she didn't see what DH did. She was out of the room then.

I agree cancelling the day feels disproportionate but she also needs to learn that acting that way isn't okay, surely!

OP posts:
AngelicInnocent · 05/08/2023 10:11

You are being very unreasonable. You put your 5 year old in the position of being rude, trying to force her to be social with your friend. Being shy and not wanting to speak to someone, especially first thing is not the same as being actually rude.

Snugglemonkey · 05/08/2023 10:12

hellosunshin3 · 05/08/2023 10:10

@sparepantsandtoothbrush she didn't see what DH did. She was out of the room then.

I agree cancelling the day feels disproportionate but she also needs to learn that acting that way isn't okay, surely!

Would a conversation not suffice?

jeaux90 · 05/08/2023 10:12

FGS OP your family aren't there to perform for you. Your friend knows your DH is awkward or ND. Perhaps your Dd is too and so what, my Dd14 is ASD she finds people coming into her space difficult but she isn't rude just "shy" and that's fine.

DustyLee123 · 05/08/2023 10:12

I think that’s an OTT reaction. Children shouldn’t be forced to talk to adults, they may have reason not to.

TropicalTrama · 05/08/2023 10:13

She’s only 5 and she’s probably following her dad’s example. I wouldn’t punish her.

coreas · 05/08/2023 10:13

So cross at DD as she knows better and it's out of character. Was going to take them out for the day in this rain but feel as though she doesn't deserve to be treated after that behaviour.

She is fucking FIVE. Get a grip, stop being so bloody self absorbed and go out and have a nice day with your child ffs.

nobodysdaughternow · 05/08/2023 10:13

At five she will be shy of an adult who she doesn't really know.

You are being way too hard on her. She is her own person not part of a social army you get to deploy to make up for your dh lack of social ability.

It is worrying you are so angered by this. Your dd will do many things over the course of her lifetime that you disagree with.

HarrietJet · 05/08/2023 10:14

God almighty, calm down Confused. Your 5 year old was feeling a bit shy, so what? Leave her be.

Freshair1 · 05/08/2023 10:14

You sound horrible. Your five year old was probably unsure about another person in her house. You need to take yourself out for the day and shake it off.

UncertainSmiler · 05/08/2023 10:14

Mad behaviour on your part.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 05/08/2023 10:15

I hate talking to people in the morning, it's literally my worst nightmare. Give her - and your DH - a break.

Zanatdy · 05/08/2023 10:17

You’re very unreasonable to cancel a day out. My DD (15) is very shy and find social situations awkward. It’s not something I’d punish her for, it’s hard enough being shy without someone having a go at you. Have a chat with her, tell her it’s rude to not say hello, remind her of that before anyone else comes over. Cancelling the day out, not fair

nobodysdaughternow · 05/08/2023 10:17

You are also teaching her that she has to comply or she will incur anger. It is a classic grooming technique.

Imagine a scenario where a man tells her to 'smile' and that he's 'only being nice' and she doesn't have the self-belief to say no?

Nemesias · 05/08/2023 10:18

Your poor little girl she’s only 5 and still learning. Pretty sure your grown ass friend can get over a 5 year old not saying hello and so should you

Cattlepillar · 05/08/2023 10:19

Next time model what you want her to say "say hi Auntie X, DD" and then just let her get on with it. Asking "what do you say" and "aren't you going to say goodbye" comes across as quite confrontational. It's not like please or thank you where it's something they say so often.

Tbh I'd expect your friend to have led the interaction with your DD, saying good morning to her or whatever and then maybe your DD would have reciprocated or you could have glossed over it "I think you need your breakfast first" or something like that.

itsmellslikepopcarn · 05/08/2023 10:19

Eh?! She’s not a performing monkey, she’s 5! Get over it, what a ridiculous thing to be upset about.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/08/2023 10:20

She’s five.

Don't you dare be an arsehole to her because she felt shy/grumpy this morning.

Your issue with your petulant DH is separate.

Original poster
hellosunshin3 · 05/08/2023 10:20

Ok I think I've got the message! To soft play we go...!

OP posts:
HaIIie · 05/08/2023 10:20

You are being ridiculous. And controlling.

Aylestone · 05/08/2023 10:20

Fucking hell op, she’s a bloody tiny child and she was too shy to talk, she wasn’t being rude ffs. I was the same until well past that age, and I’ve got a dd who is now 12 who finds conversation with some adults she actually knows unbearable. My 6yo ds is normally outgoing and chatty, but when a man commented on his Spider-Man wellies in the shop this morning, he not only refused to talk to him but literally hid his face in his hands as he had a moment of embarrassment for some reason. No one likes to feel this way, what a vile person you must be to horribly punish your little girl for feeling too shy to talk!!

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 10:20

Did your friend actually say Good Morning Jessica / Bye Jessica?

Clymene · 05/08/2023 10:22

She's 5. My friend's 7 year old barely acknowledges me in their home. It's pretty normal

Beamur · 05/08/2023 10:23

I think you are approaching this wrongly. It's not a good idea to force children to be 'nice' and instead I would have your day out and not put too much importance on this interaction..
I would however, as an appropriate time have a relaxed conversation with your DD about how having people in the house makes her feel and why she doesn't feel comfortable saying hello etc.
It may be learned behaviour or it may be something else.
Exploring how to comfortably interact with trusted adults is a useful skill to work on with her, but not in a way where you're chastising her.

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